


Own Worst Enemy

by ADCurtis



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, F/M, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:48:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 85,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23908735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ADCurtis/pseuds/ADCurtis
Summary: When Katara is… damaged – caught in the crossfires of men, spirits and the Avatar – Aang is forced to leave her. A choice made to protect her from their most terrifying foe – the monster within himself.
Relationships: Aang/Katara (Avatar)
Comments: 192
Kudos: 169





	1. Chapter 1

“I’m sorry to disturb you… but you’re Avatar Aang, aren’t you?”

Aang looked up from the steaming cup of tea he was just bringing to his lips to see _her_ standing by his table. Immediately, he froze, his teacup stopped mid-air, his throat feeling thick as he found it difficult to swallow. His gazed locked onto her beautiful blue eyes -- eyes he had spent years exploring, swimming in their depths -- to now see only naïve interest looking back at him. Of course he knew _her_. He knew her almost better than he knew himself. But she looked back at him with nothing more than bright curiosity.

Never mind that they had known each other since they were kids. Never mind that they had traveled the world together; that she had saved his life. Never mind that they had once been married…

Aang shook himself, trying to find his voice. _Respond to her!_

“Uhhh,” he swallowed again hard, “yeah. That’s me.” He tried to force a smile.

“I thought so! I don’t know what it is about you, but I _knew_ you looked familiar!”

Aang began to panic as she pulled the chair opposite him out and sat down at his small table in Iroh’s teashop. “I’ve heard that you know Iroh. I’ve just never seen you here before.” She continued, throwing her long braid over her shoulder. “Every time I come to Ba Sing Se I try to spend as much time here as I can. And now that I’ve moved to the city… well, lets just say that I hope I can find some friends who aren’t _all_ middle-aged tea-making gurus (no offense to Iroh; he really is the best!).”

Aang felt his eyes begin to itch. _Blink, you idiot!_ He blinked, trying to get some moisture back into his eyes after staring so long at this woman who he hadn’t seen in years, but who nonetheless occupied his thoughts ceaselessly. He tried in vain to think what he should do next. _Well for starters don’t sit there frozen like a North Pole ice sculpture!_ He berated himself _._ He set his tea down and eloquently said, “Umm…”

“Oh! What am I thinking? I haven’t even introduced myself! I’m Katara.” She said with a bow.

Aang thought painfully, _Yeah. Yeah, I know_. Bowing in return and forcing himself to act as casual as he could manage he replied, “It’s nice to meet you, Katara.” Her name on his tongue felt simultaneously like honey and acid.

“You probably get strangers approaching you all the time. I guess you are pretty recognizable.” She pointed to her own forehead indicating his arrow tattoo. “But oddly enough, it wasn’t that that I thought I recognized. Something about your eyes… “ She seemed to drift off for a moment.

Returning to herself, her words began to stumble over themselves, “And I’m sorry if I’m interrupting your tea! I have just heard so much about you, and we know so many of the same people… I guess I’m just surprised we haven’t met until now. I guess I was just sort of drawn to you, like maybe we were _meant_ to meet… or something…”

She looked away with a blush. A look Aang recognized with painful nostalgia. Inwardly he sighed as countless memories of her blushes ran through his mind.

He blushed himself as he steered his train of thought in another direction, clearing his throat and trying to calm his speeding heartbeat, “Yes, of course. Katara, was it? Yes, I know of you as well. One of the best waterbenders in the world, hero of the Hundred Year War! And sister to my… friend… Sokka…” He drifted off -- so many things had become so complicated in recent years. And he wasn’t sure how much she knew, where the holes in her memory were.

“Yeah, I’m always asking Sokka to tell me more about you! And with how much Sokka loves to talk, I’m always amazed at how little he’s willing to expound when it comes to you. It’s like he gets half-way through a good story and just stops, like he can’t remember how it goes or is afraid to tell it or something. He’s really an idiot sometimes. But like I said, I can’t believe we haven’t met before now – with all the ways our histories overlap.”

“Yeah… crazy, right?“ Aang couldn’t think what else to say.

Katara smiled. “Well, it’s about time we got to know each other too, I say!” Then turning around in her seat she waved to a server for another cup of tea. But as she turned her head around, Aang caught a glimpse of the long ugly scar that spidered up from somewhere deep in her hair at the back of her head to the front of her left ear, marring her otherwise perfect coco-colored skin.

His stomach lurched, he could taste guilt in his mouth. He swallowed again, hard. He couldn’t think of anyway to respond.

Suddenly he found himself looking for the exit, wanting almost more than anything to get away from this woman because what he _really_ wanted more than anything was to sweep her up in his arms and kiss her silly.

He stood abruptly, knocking the table and spilling his tea as he did so. “Yeah, well… I just remembered!,” pointing at the door, “I really ought to go. I have my… flying bison… waiting for me. And he really hates it when I’m late… for our… uhhh… appointment, or something…”

“Oh” Katara said sadly as she rose as well, “I see… well I wouldn’t want to keep you from Appa.” A look of confusion suddenly furrowing her brow as she said the name again as if testing it on her tongue, “Appa. Appa… I mean, your flying bison… Is his name Appa? I guess I don’t know how I know that. Must have heard it from someone… somewhere…” The confusion in Katara’s expression made Aang’s heart break. _Yeah, I guess I’m running into some of those holes in her memory._

He had to turn away from her confused expression. So much about this interaction was painful; painful in a way he simply could not fully digest right now. But he knew the pain would come into more focus later. He could bet on it. More sorrow to spend his lonely nights with.

“Well it was nice to meet you… Katara…” The lie in the words tasted like betrayal and mercy at the same time. _Better to leave her in ignorance. Better to leave her be._

They were both damaged. _Me much more than her_. He thought bitterly. He honestly envied her unknowing bliss. How he resented his perfectly intact memory!

Katara reached for his arm as he turned to leave. “Wait!”

Aang almost melted in the soft touch of her warm hand on his forearm. He reluctantly turned to face her again.

“Well, as I said, I’ve just moved here to Ba Sing Se and I don’t know many people in the city. I hope that we will maybe see each other again?” He could see that she was nervous, that she was just asking for a friend.

But he also knew he was bad for her.

“Um,” Aang looked down at the ground, not daring to look at her, not knowing how to answer without hurting her. Finally he looked up and smiled as he lied through his teeth, “Yeah. I hope I’ll see you around.”

Then he turned quickly and nearly ran from the shop.

_But if I can help it, I’ll never see you again… for your sake…_

………..

Sokka had found him that day. He’s not even sure how. He barely knew where he was himself.

“You have to go and find her. Bring her back!”

 _What? I thought she was with you_ … his silent look seemed to say.

“No, not that. We know where _she is_. It’s her mind, her soul, or whatever. It’s gone, Aang!” Sokka began to pace back and forth, “There is nothing more the healers can do. Because there is nothing wrong with her body – it’s healed. But still,” Sokka’s eyes filled with water, but his teeth clenched in anger, “she just won’t wake up!”

It was hard for Aang to register what he was saying. Sokka was the first person he had talked to in a while. He had been… where? He didn’t know… ever since. He just now noticed that he was sitting in the dirt. And he was damp. It vaguely occurred to him that he hadn’t eaten in a while…

“What,” his voice was hoarse with disuse. He started again, “What can I do?” The words came out as almost a plea.

“You need to go to… wherever her spirit is, and bring her back! You owe her at least that much!”

_I know. I owe her so much more than that._


	2. Chapter 2

………..

“Ah, my old friend, the Avatar. To what do I owe this great pleasure?”

“You know why I am here, Koh. I know what they have all been saying. You’ve stolen someone dear to me…”

“Such wicked accusations! I _stole_ no one…

But perhaps I did _find_ someone…”

…………

Katara found herself being jostled and bumped in the press of people at her local outdoor market in the inner ring of Ba Sing Se. Although she had been to Ba Sing Se many times, she still found it a stark contrast to her hometown in the South Pole. She liked the energy of the city -- a wonderful change of pace, just what she was seeking right now! -- but she was still trying to settle in. She had come to the market in search of a few things she needed for her new room at the Academy.

Katara had been recruited as a Waterbending Master and a part-time healer at the new Waterbending Academy, a recently established affiliate of Ba Sing Se University. Her father had been staunchly against her leaving the South Pole to take this job – in recent years Hakoda had become unusually protective of his daughter – but Katara had grown restless living in her hometown. She couldn’t explain why, but she felt something strange in the village in the last year or so, like everyone there had some common secret that she wasn’t a part of. She had no real evidence of this, just a feeling she got when people awkwardly shifted a conversation away from certain topics or dart their eyes to the side when she spoke. Even Sokka seemed to be extra careful about his words with her – he played as though he was as nonchalant as ever, but she could almost hear the gears churning in his head when she would ask certain questions or recount certain stories. It was starting to driver her a little nuts!

And she really was restless. Ready to spread her wings a little, leave the nest. The South Pole felt smaller to her everyday. So when this opportunity came up, despite the massive row she had with her father over him wanting her to stay at home, she accepted the job and moved to Ba Sing Se.

Katara had been hoping to run into Aang again (she had hung around Iroh’s tea shop part of each day hoping he would show up there; although he hadn’t come back). She couldn’t explain why exactly, but she was anxious to see him. She felt something draw her to him – Curiosity? Loneliness? A crush maybe? _Oh, how could I have a crush already?! I barely even spoke to him!_ But whatever the reason, she wanted to see him again.

Katara made her way through the crowded market after finally finding a polite way to get away from the overly flirtatious seller-of-ceramic-bowls who had tried valiantly to ask her out. As she rounded a corner she noticed a small crowd of children gathered, craning their necks to see something. As she looked to see what had captured the children’s interest, a man stood up in the middle of the small group. He had captured a small tornado in his arms and was spinning what looked like his groceries – a couple of small apples, an eggplant and even a bunch of spinach tied together with a string. A crinkle of delight creased in his eyes as he watched the children laugh and clap in glee. He laughed as the children began to throw the rest of his groceries into the spinning twister: a head of garlic, three more apples, and a small bag of steamed buns.

The children had just started to toss in lychee nuts one at a time to the now-crowded swirl of air when Aang looked up. As his eyes locked with Katara’s, his radiant smile changed immediately to a look of shock. In his sudden distraction he lost control of the air cradled in his arms and the food went flying out in all directions!

The children cheered at the tremendous mess and clapped for more tricks.

Katara laughed as she picked up an apple that rolled to her feet. She watched as the Avatar smiled and crouched low to accept his now-broken eggplant from the hands of a little girl before her mother tugged her nervously away.

Having heard the commotion parents seemed to swoop in from all sides, taking hold of their children’s hands and pulling them away from the Avatar, glancing apprehensively at him as they scurried their protesting children away.

Stepping closer Katara helped to retrieve more of the scattered food, handing Aang the tied stems of his bunch of spinach (the leaves having been shredded and scattered in the whirlwind).

Aang took the pathetic limp bundle of greens from her hand and laughed self-depreciatively, “Not my finest performance, eh?”

Katara smiled. She loved the sound of his laugh, like a cheerful tinkle of music. “Well I guess I wouldn’t know,” she teased, “I haven’t witnessed you bending before!”

The Avatar’s smile seemed to falter, but he hid it as he grabbed the bag to load his groceries into. “Well, it was fun anyway…” he said shaking his head at the lychee nuts scattered through the dirt.

The two gathered what was left of his groceries (opting to just leave the lychee nuts) and stood. Aang looked at her for a moment, an expression of –Ache? Yearning? _what was that?_ – on his face before he laughed it off and diverted his eyes, rubbing the back of his neck.

Katara spoke, “Well I’m glad to have run into you again, Avatar Aang.”

“Aang,” he responded quickly, “just call me Aang. No need for titles.”

“Aang,” she repeated. The sound of his name felt weird on her tongue. It was a foreign name and took some getting used to saying it by itself. “Well, I’m glad we have met again, _Aang_.”

He rubbed his palms on his pants nervously, as thought he didn’t know what to say.

So she continued, “So… are you shopping for dinner then?”

He seemed to relax a little at the mundaneness of the topic, “Oh, yeah! I’m just picking up a few things. How about you? Have you found everything you’re shopping for?”

She looked down into the basket on her arm. “I still need a few things.” She looked back up at him, suddenly feeling a little nervous. “Would you like to… to help me finish up my list?”

Aang looked over his shoulder past the crowds, his hand rubbing the back of his neck again. “Oh. Yeah. About that… well, I probably… ought to…” he pointed vaguely over his shoulder, “get going… you know…”

Katara could see that he was stalling. Maybe he didn’t want to spend time with her? She felt her face heat up in self-conscious disappointment. “Oh. I’m sure you have a lot to do. I mean, you’re the Avatar! I’m sure you’re really busy…” She looked down to hide her embarrassment at his rejection.

Aang looked back at her face, his eyebrows rising in empathy. Then he closed his eyes and gave his head a resolute shake. “No! I mean… I’d love to help you finish finding the things on your list…”

Katara’s head popped up in surprise, a radiant smile on her face, “Really?! Oh that would be great!”

Aang swallowed hard, “Nothing I’d rather do more.”

…………….

He was stupid. Stupid. Stupid. _Stupid!_ What was he thinking walking around the markets with Katara!? Aang knew he was playing with fire; that what he should do is run as far and fast from her as his airbending could take him. But in that moment, when he was about to make an excuse to leave, when he saw the disappointment on Katara’s face… he just couldn’t bear it. Lets face it, Aang had always been a sucker for Katara; he would always do whatever she wanted. And it went against everything in his nature not to help her, not to brighten her day. So he had agreed.

_But you have to play the long game, Aang! You know this will only hurt more. And unfortunately, not just you..._

But Aang soon found himself ignoring this voice of reason as he walked with Katara through the crowded market, the two making light conversation, laughing and joking. It was just too easy. It felt just too good!

He didn’t want to admit it, but Katara’s ignorance gave him some sort of sick clearance to just enjoy being with her again. She didn’t know… she didn’t remember all the reasons he didn’t deserve to be with her right now. And he couldn’t help but pretend it all away and just bask in her presence, letting her voice wash pleasantly over him.

“So right now I don’t actually have many students yet. Not a ton of waterbenders in Ba Sing Se, although there _are_ more than you might expect. There has been so much moving around since the war that Ba Sing Se has actually developed quite a large Water Tribe community living within the walls. Of course only a fraction are waterbenders, but those children and teens who are need somewhere to learn. And what I lack in students, I make up for in healing. The Academy has an open clinic that I spend half my time at. Truthfully, waterbending healing at this point is a far bigger demand on the Academy than teaching. But I enjoy the variety. And I’m just getting started.”

Aang sighed. Content to just listen to Katara, enjoying her usual passion about whatever she put her mind to. 

“Why are you smiling at me like that?”

Aang startled, “Oh! I was smiling..?”

Katara laughed and bumped his arm playfully. “Yes! Yes, you were smiling!” She giggled and bent a small stream of water from a nearby barrel into his face, laughing at his expression.

Aang sputtered a laugh too and then pulled a palm sized globe of water from the same barrel, tossing it back and forth from hand to hand before flipping it behind his back and splashing Katara. “Be careful who you pick a water-fight with! Unlike some people, don’t forget that I can dish it back!”

Katara pulled the water from her wet clothes to fling it back at him, dodging his next attack. But before their little water-fight could get too out of hand they were scolded by the lady selling paper windows and shooed along.

Katara laughed while she pulled water from her wet hair. “Well, I just have soap left on my shopping list. Any idea where I should look for that?”

“There’s soap over there,” Aang said as he grabbed Katara’s hand to pull her after him. He had done it without thinking, dropping her hand almost immediately after with a blush and an awkward clearing of his throat. It was just too easy being with Katara. It felt too much like _before_. He needed to be careful. To remember that it could _never_ again be like before.

As Katara looked over the different soaps, Aang watched her covertly, pretending to look at the little bottles of colorful bath beads. Katara was as beautiful as he remembered. And everything about her felt so familiar. How her long hair fell over he shoulder when she leaned forward; the way she moved her hands as she smelled the different soaps; the kind way she spoke to the woman at the stall. Her mannerisms felt so much like home that he thought he might die of longing. He even knew which scent of soap she would choose before she finally decided – a bar of lavender and sea-salt. Aang could smell it on her skin with perfect memory… while he had kissed her ear, her neck, her bare shoulder.

Aang shook himself forcefully from the memories. Berating himself for slipping so easily into those now-forbidden thoughts.

His mood was sober when Katara looked back towards him, her soap safely purchased and tucked into the basket with her other things. “You okay?” she asked concerned.

“Yeah,” Aang forced a smile, “yeah. I’m fine.”

But the somber atmosphere continued as they walked side by side. Katara spoke again, “I want to thank you for shopping with me today. I’m really excited to be here in Ba Sing Se and working at the Academy, but I have been a bit lonely.” Her brow furrowed, “I’ve actually been feeling lonely for a while now. Even back in my village.” Adding under her breath, “maybe _especially_ back in my village.”

“Why?”

Katara forced out a breath, “I’m not really even sure. Sometimes I just felt like the whole tribe knew something I didn’t, like they were all in on some great secret that I know nothing about. I’d just catch whispered conversations or pitying looks. I’m not stupid. I know there is something my father wants to hide from me. I don’t know, it’s hard to explain….”

Aang felt guilt sink into his stomach. He was pretty sure he knew _exactly_ what she meant. In fact, he was sure he knew more about it than she did. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“It’s okay. Really it’s a big part of why I accepted this job. My dad didn’t want me to come, but I just needed to get away. Figure myself out a little.” Katara laughed self-consciously and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, “I’m sorry! I don’t even know why I’m telling you all of this. I know we don’t know each other very well yet.”

Aang’s mind flashed back to the round ceremonial room in the South Pole. Standing side by side, the beaded blanket on both their shoulders. The Shaman’s vows:

_‘You are two persons but there is only one life before you  
Go now as husband and wife to your dwelling_

_to enter into the days of your life together…’_

Aang shook his head again, trying to banish the memory. He knew he shouldn’t be here. Flirting with heartache. Putting her in danger _again_.

Hakoda’s more recent words echoed in his mind: “The very nature of what you are puts Katara in danger, and it always will; unless you man up, and save her from yourself. You need to let her go, Aang! So she can live… If you don’t, I will hold you responsible for killing her one day.”

Suddenly Aang felt sick to his stomach. He had to get out of there. He knew he had been a fool to think that this would be okay.

Katara turned to him, concern etched on her face, “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he said too quickly. “I think I just… um, I need to go.”

“Go? Already?” Katara’s face fell in disappointment, “Sure. I understand. But, can we meet up another time? I mean, I really enjoyed spending time with you today.”

Aang didn’t know what to say. He felt awful.

“Maybe we could meet at Iroh’s tomorrow after work for tea?” She asked hopefully.

Aang’s heart broke at the eagerness in her voice. He couldn’t bear to turn her down. “Sure. That would be nice.”

He didn’t like lying to her, but he was a coward. He would send word to Iroh tomorrow, asking him to apologize to Katara that he couldn’t make it.

Katara smiled, bouncing happily on her toes. “Great! Well, I’ll see you tomorrow then!”

“Yeah… tomorrow…” Aang turned to quickly walk away, blinking fast to hold back the tears that stung his eyes as he cursed himself.

_Why am I such a weak stupid fool?!_

_………………._

Aang’s heart had stopped when he saw the thick stone spike burst from the ground at her feet, hitting Katara in the side with a sickening crunch, just missing her rounded belly and the treasure within. The force of the impact sent her body flying sideways before it crumpled to the ground, unmoving. The next moment seemed to be stretched into a thousand as her name burst from his helpless lips. A monster roared within him and he fought to keep it at bay.

Sokka got to her first, skidding to his knees and pulling her into his arms, her body limp like a kite on a windless day. Sokka looked up at Aang, stricken.

Aang‘s breath stopped in his throat. His clenched fists began to shake. _She’s dead._ He knew it. Stolen from him in the same unfairness that had robbed him of the other Airbenders. The Monster inside roared again – this time bursting free of any restraint. It writhed and thrashed with an agony that was indistinguishable from fury and utter loss.

The fighting continued around him, but in his own world, the war was already lost. Without Katara everything was lost! And at that moment, Aang was lost as well. Lost in the swirling blind rage and power of the Avatar that snarled to life, radiating power and seeking vengeance.

_They. Will. Pay._

And they did…

……………..


	3. Chapter 3

………..

Although he had not turned to face Koh, Aang could hear the renewed smile in his voice, “Ah, well I suppose I _can_ help you… I mean I am _able_ , if that is what you are asking. A little skill I picked up from my _Mother._ I suppose you could say that we are both in the business of faces. Identity. Of memories, if you will.”

“I can restore her forgotten self, her memories…”

Aang waited for the catch.

“She will remember everything… everything but _you_ , that is.”

…………

Katara sat in the teashop the following evening waiting excitedly. She had chosen a seat at a small table that faced the door so that she could casually watch for Aang’s arrival without appearing too eager. As it was she was having difficulty containing her anticipation.

Shopping with Aang the day before had been, well, it had been _wonderful_! She knew she was too old to so quickly develop feelings for someone she had barely just met (the Avatar no less!) but she couldn’t help it. Her time with Aang had been one of her happiest in recent years. Something about him just felt so right, so familiar.

As she waited, she couldn’t help but daydream of the airbender. How attentive and playful and kind he had been. The way he had captivated the children; how he had captivated _her_. She blushed as she thought of his stunning smile, and of how her stomach had flipped in little flops when he grabbed her hand. _Oh Katara girl – you’ve got it bad!_

But she felt somehow that her connection to Aang went deeper than just a crush. She knew Sokka would chide her to scorn if he could hear her thoughts, but being with Aang, it felt like _destiny_. Like he was somehow the missing puzzle piece in her puzzling life.

Katara had taken extra care getting ready today. She kept her signature hair loopies, but the rest of her hair she had worn down, letting it fall over her shoulders in loose chocolate waves. She had picked out one of her best dresses, a light blue one that swooped gracefully on her hips. She wondered if Aang would like it.

“Don’t you look lovely this afternoon, Katara. A sight for old eyes if I’ve ever seen one.”

Katara smiled even before looking up into Iroh’s kind face.

“Thank you, Iroh. Its good to see you too!”

Iroh beckoned to the carved wooden chair across from her, “May I?”

Katara shot another look at the door and seeing that Aang had not shown up yet, she smiled again at the old general, “Of course!”

Iroh spoke to one of his servers quietly and then sat down across from Katara, his eyes calculating as he noticed her look once again at the door. “Katara my dear, I am sorry that I must inform you that the Avatar will be unable to make his engagement with you this afternoon. He sent word asking me to relay his apologies to you.”

Katara’s heart sank. Looking forward to seeing Aang today had left her feeling almost giddy all last night and today. Now she realized that by not meeting him today, she did not know when she might run into him next. The disappointment hurt more than she thought it ought to. _We’ve only just met! He has important things to do. Don’t get in over your head, Katara!_ But her heart wasn’t doing a very good job of listening to her rational mind.

……………..

Empathy swelled in Iroh’s chest when he saw the acute disappointment on Katara’s face. He had watched the Avatar and his waterbending friend from the time their love first began to blossom. He had witnessed them grow up, and their romance with them. He had attended their wedding. And his heart had broken when he heard of how things had so dramatically fallen apart for them; the messy broken pieces impossible to put back together.

Iroh knew something of the complicated nature of the Spirit World, and he knew something of Koh the Face Stealer, a shiver running down the old tea-maker’s spine when he thought of the ancient spirit. He also knew that to have Katara back among the living at all was nothing short of a miracle.

But was it fair that he knew this, when she herself did not?

“I am sorry to be the bearer of sad news, young one.”

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault.” And then, ever considerate, Katara looked Iroh in the eyes with a fleeting smile, “At least I get to sit with you, right?”

“You are very kind, Katara. But I know that an old man like me is a poor substitute for the young airbender you were expecting.”

The attendant arrived with the tea Iroh had requested. Iroh took the dragon-tailed teapot handle and poured two cups from the dragon mouth spout, pouring first for Katara, and then for himself.

Knowing that the tea was still too hot to drink, Katara inhaled the scent. “Ummm,” she hummed, “this smell brings back so many memories.”

Iroh lifted his bushy eyebrows to glance at her. He was curious… “And what does this tea bring to mind for you, Katara?”

Katara sighed, a content smile on her face. “This tea reminds me of the day we all gathered here after the war. Everyone was here: you, Zuko and Mai, Sokka and Suki, Toph. The world was finally at peace. And _I_ was finally at peace. Because I had figured something very important out, and I felt so confident moving forward with it.” Her eyes moved to the balcony and the orange sky from the setting sun beyond. “To me, this tea smells like peace, like friendship, like falling in love.” Iroh thought he could see a slight blush on her cheeks.

Iroh smiled, albeit a bit sadly. He wanted to prod her further, ask her about her last phrase, but decided against it. Deciding that perhaps it was better that emotional remnants could remain, even if the memories did not. “I am happy to hear that my Jasmine tea can bring back such good feelings, my dear.”

Katara looked up at him, coming back from being momentarily lost in thought. “Iroh, this may sound like a silly question, but… what can you tell me about being in love?” She rubbed her forehead with her fingertips, “I mean, I _feel_ like I know, but, well. I can’t have been in love before…” She huffed out a rueful laugh. “But why doesn’t that feel right?”

Iroh considered the young woman before him. In truth, he suspected that she knew more about being in love - truly, deeply in love – than he did. Iroh had been married, and he had respected his wife, but it had been an arrangement that was advantageous for both families and was not something built on passion. He had grown to love his wife, and was sorrowed at her passing so prematurely. He missed her still. But he had not felt for her with the kind of passion and deep mutual adoration that he had witnessed between this young woman and the Avatar.

Iroh took a small sip of tea, testing the temperature before speaking. “My dear, I would only suggest that you trust your feelings. Sometimes emotions can speak in a language of truth that our senses cannot decipher.”

Katara’s brow furrowed as she pondered his words. “Can I ask you something else?”

“Of course.”

“I know this sounds stupid,” her cheeks colored again, this time a much deeper shade of red, “but I’m feeling myself drawn to Aang, I mean _Avatar Aang_. I know I have only met him twice now, but… do you think its possible to, well, to fall in love with someone I’ve only just met?”

Iroh’s eyes widened at the tricky he question. For the answer in any other circumstance would likely be different. “Tell me what it is that draws you to him. What is it that makes you feel that perhaps you are falling in love with him?”

Katara looked down self-consciously, “It’s kind of hard to explain. I know we’ve only known each other a few days, but I _feel_ like I’ve known him all my life. Like I don’t feel ... incomplete... anymore, when I’m with him.”

Iroh tried not to let his understandings show in his eyes, opting instead for some gentle teasing. “He’s not bad to look at either, eh?” Iroh chided with a hearty chuckle.

Katara ducked her head with another blush, “And there’s that too…”

Iroh took her hand in his from across the table. “I cannot tell you what you feel.” (Which was true. He was not at liberty to enlighten her on what he knew.) “And I cannot advise you on how to proceed. But I would urge you not to doubt your feelings. The wisdom you carry in your heart should not be discounted nor undervalued.”

The sun had set and the dark blues hues of night were closing in on the teashop. Iroh rose to turn on the lamps. A short while later he returned to the table with a glowing green lamp. Katara asked, “Oh Iroh, don’t you have a regular lamp instead? One lit with fire, I mean?”

“Ah, yes of course I do.” Iroh took the green crystal lamp away and returned with a small brass oil lamp and lit the wick with a flick of his fingers. “As a waterbender, I did not expect you to have a preference for fire.”

“Oh, its just that green glow… I know those lamps are common here in the earth kingdom, but for some reason… well I can’t explain it, but… that glow makes me incredibly sad.”

Iroh’s eyebrow lifted again. Could it be that she was remembering the tragedy that happened in the Crystal Catacombs? Of when the Avatar was stuck dead by Azula’s lightning?

“Tell me, Katara, what do you remember of the day you fought the Princess Azula, and my errant nephew, young Prince Zuko, beneath the palace here?” He did not know if it was wise to stimulate her fractured memory, but the old General wanted to understand more of how Katara’s malady worked.

“Well, I was captured by Azula and her crew, and imprisoned down in the caves under the city. Zuko was brought in too. And then you… you came down. Did you _earthbend_? No, no! That wouldn’t make sense…” Katara’s brow creased in confusion.

Iroh gently prodded, “Go on.”

“Anyway, you came and rescued us. I ran away. But then Azula showed up. And Zuko. Who turned on… on me…” She began to rub her forehead in confusion. “And the Dai Li came in droves. We, I mean, _I_ was surrounded. But then something happened.” Katara began to rub her hands in worry, “I felt this incredible fear, this… loss. I can’t explain it. I just _feel_ such incredible sadness, a dread that sinks to my bones.” Katara looked up at Iroh, distress clearly on her face. “What happened down there?! Why do I feel this way?”

The intensity of distress emanating from the girl was sobering. He began to regret poking among her hole-ridden memory. Iroh was not sure how much to divulge to her, so he hedged, “My sweet girl, we lost… the city that day.”

Iroh was taken aback by the anger in Katara’s face when she refuted, “No! There is something else. Something much more… personal! But I just…” She grabbed her head in confusion, “I just don’t know what…”

Iroh tried to placate her, “Katara, I am sorry to have upset you. I should not have awakened such a painful memory…”

But Katara cut him off, “Don’t do that! You’re just like my father, or Sokka, or everyone else in my village! Trying to change the subject, or brush me off.” There were tears glistening in her intense blue eyes, “I feel like something is broken. Like _I’m_ broken. But I don’t know what is wrong… Iroh, am I… am I going crazy?”

A tear rolled down her cheek as she continued, “Sometimes I feel like I have lost someone… or something… very important to me.” He noticed her subconsciously cradling her abdomen, and his heart ached for her unknown grief. Again he felt guilt at knowing some intimate details about her that she did not know about herself. The injustice of that felt wrong.

“Katara, my dear…”

Katara stood abruptly, a myriad of emotions on her confused face. “I’m sorry Iroh. But I think I need to go… I’ve got a headache.” And she stood, pausing for a moment -- “Thank you for the tea. I really appreciate it.” -- and then she walked quickly out of the shop.

………..

Toph spun around toward the balcony of her room with a start. “Dang it Twinkletoes, don’t sneak up on me like that! You must be the single creepiest person I know. Sneaking up on a blind girl! What if I hadn’t been dressed or something?”

Aang propped his closed glider against the open balcony door and snorted, “Nothing I haven’t seen before, Toph. Since when have you ever cared about modesty anyway?”

Toph shrugged, “It just bugs me when I can’t see you well enough to aim a good earth spike in the crotch if I feel like it.”

“Toph!”

“See if I can’t get them all talking about that whole ‘Father of a Nation” crap they keep laying on you. Make the conversation even more hypothetical than it is already, know what I mean?”

Aang winced, “You are evil, Toph. Truly and fully. Evil.”

“I try.”

Toph was glad to be in the same city as Aang again. The two had always had a special comradery between them, but more so now since the events that led to him and Katara separating. Those tragic events had left their little group divided and taking sides. Toph didn’t agree with all the decisions that had been made, but she stood by Aang, even when the whole world seemed to have become uneasy about their Avatar.

“So you decided against using the front door again, eh? You better be careful, if you’re spotted flying into my room all the time people might start thinking other things.”

Aang made a face that she couldn’t see, but was exaggerated enough that she had no trouble feeling it. “Gross, Toph! And I know the idea of anything like that gives you the oogies as much as it does me!” Aang sighed, “ Its just, flying in here is so much more convenient; keeps your servants’ blood pressures down too. I swear Cai thinks I’m going to blow the place up every time I come here.” 

“Its just a little extra excitement he saves specially for the Avatar.”

“Sure. I tell you Toph it’s a tentative existence when people around you treat you like a walking time bomb all the time.” Then he plopped down on the padded bench at the foot of her bed with a disparaging sigh, “The stress is incredibly wearing when you feel like one yourself.”

Toph plowed right past his self-pity, “Well I’m not going to tiptoe around you even if everyone else does. We both know you do enough of that fancy-dancing for both of us, Twinkletoes.”

Aang smiled a grateful half-smile at her as she continued. “If only they knew the biggest risk about hanging out with you is that your wussy-ness might be catching — seriously Aang I even felt bad for half a second before I squashed a dust-beetle yesterday. Didn’t last, of course, and I squashed it anyway, but I’m not kidding when I say you’re a bad influence!”

“Aw Toph, what did the beetle do to you?” He joke-whined.

“Exactly! This is exactly what I’m talking about. If only everyone knew the ‘All Powerful Avatar’ was really just a pansy. They’d still avoid you, but at least it would be for a legit reason.”

Aang laughed before sobering slightly. “Thanks Toph. Your dedication to taking me down a notch has always been... thorough. But we both know they’re not wrong. I am dangerous.”

“You lost control once, Aang. No body is perfect.”

“But not everyone’s imperfection levels towns, Toph.” And quieter, “People died that day. Nothing can change that.”

“Your loss of control was understandable. It’s not everyday you loose Katara.”

Aang swallowed hard, “Isn’t it?”

Toph could hear the anguish in his voice.

“Because it feels like I’ve lost her anew every day since.”

Toph sat down with a huff next to him, her shoulders slumping slightly. When she spoke again her voice was softer.

“You know this self-punishment thing you do doesn’t bring any of those people back. And it doesn’t make you or Katara any happier. All this guilt is useless.”

Aang scoffed, trying but failing to use a joking tone. “Says the woman who couldn’t be troubled by anything. I’m still feeling bad about the beetle you squashed yesterday…”

“So you feel bad. I’m not saying you shouldn’t. (And for your information, that dust-beetle deserved it, Twinkles!) But carrying your guilt around like an almighty-excuse for not moving forward is rubble. Aren’t you supposed to be a guru or something? Acknowledge that it happened and move on yada, yada...”

Aang laughed ruefully. “Your wisdom is as inspiring as ever.”

“Ok so I lack in the delivery, but the wisdom is there!”

The two sat in silence for a moment. Then abruptly Toph stood and began taking the sash of her dress off. 

“Wait I thought you were worried about me seeing you undress!”

“That was when it wasn’t convenient for me. Now be a gal and help me outta this thing!” Toph turned her back to Aang so he could better unfasten the buttons on her dress.

Aang stood and deftly took care of the clasps. Katara had had a dress that fastened the same way. He’d gotten very skilled at removing it. He shook his head again, trying to banish the memories and the ache in his heart.

“Now turn around.” Toph ordered, “And lift your feet too you little perve!”

Aang turned his back on Toph and conjured an airball to balance on. Speaking over his shoulder he tried to keep his voice nonchalant. “So I saw Katara again yesterday…”

“What?! Aang! I thought you told me you were going to avoid her after she ambushed you at Iroh’s teashop.”

Aang cleared his throat, “Um, yeah. That was my plan. I didn’t exactly do it on purpose. We just kind of ran into each other at the market.”

“Well how did it go?” Toph knew she was on touchy ground. She and Aang had argued enough about the decisions that had been made about keeping Katara in the dark.

“It actually was… really good. _Too_ good.” Toph could hear the wistfulness in his voice as she pulled on her pajamas.

“Too good how? You didn’t make-out with her did you?!”

“What?! No! Of course not! Toph, what’s wrong with you?! Remember she doesn’t know me. She thinks we just met!”

“Well then what happened? (And you’re safe to put your feet on the ground now, Twinkles.”)”

Aang dropped down to both feet and turned to face her. “Nothing much happened. We just shopped together, I helped her find some soap…”

“Sounds boring.”

Aang sighed, “It was the happiest I’ve been since… well you know…”

“So then how did you leave it with her?”

“Well I kind of told her I would meet her for tea today. But then I didn’t go.”

“You stood her up?! Have you learned nothing about women, Aang?”

“Everything I’ve learned can’t apply here! You know I can’t be with her again!”

Toph gave him a surprisingly poignant glare for a blind girl. “Oh no I don’t. You know I’ve never agreed with you and Sokka on how to handle this situation.”

Aang sighed. “I know. I know how you feel, Toph. But it really is for the best. It’s to protect Katara. To keep something like that from ever happening again…”

“Whatever.” Toph’s mouth was in a stubborn line. “So what are you going to do then?”

Aang groaned, “Well my first instinct is to leave, to get out of Ba Sing Se. But as you know I can’t leave right now, too much going on with King Kuei and his squabbling advisory cabinet. Sometimes I wonder if the only thing that keeps them from tearing each other apart in meetings is worry that I might blow my top and sink the city or something…”

“Well if nothing else you’ve now gained a little intimidation factor.”

Aang shot Toph a disparaging look, but didn’t say anything.

Toph continued, “And the Fire Nation and Water Tribe peeps ought to be arriving in a couple weeks for that big conference, right? Looks like ‘avoid and evade’ ain’t gonna work for you this time, Twinkles. At least not until things calm down here and you can turn tail and run like usual.”

Aang let out a forceful breath, “Yup, it would appear my options are limited. It’s just so hard to try to avoid her when all I really want is to be with her every minute of my life!”

“You know you could try listening to me for once.”

“It’s not that easy, Toph; even you have to admit that.”

“I just think this charade is relying on a whole lot of variables that you don’t have any control over. Sure maybe Chief Hakoda could order his tribe to keep mum about Katara’s past in the South Pole, but how is he going to do that here? It’s only a matter of time before someone lets something slip, and this whole farce goes up in steam.” Toph cringed, “And I, for one, don’t want to be on the other end of Katara’s water-whip when that happens!”

Aang thought about that for a moment and shuttered. “Yeah, she would be furious…”

Then his shoulders slumped in defeat. “But even if I did tell her everything, she would never want to… she could never forgive me. Not after what happen to our…” Aang trailed off, unable to complete the sentence.

Toph understood, an unusual swell of empathy rising in her throat. She walked over and kicked Aang lightly with her bare foot, her own version of a gesture of support. “Hey. Don’t do that.”

“Toph, you know that telling her or not has never been my choice. My orders are just to keep my sad, sorry self out of her life.”

Toph signed wondering how much sadder and sorrier Aang could get…

………..

Hakoda grabbed him by the elbow, turning him sharply toward him, forcing Aang to look him in the eye. “You think I don’t know what this feels like?! You think I don’t know what it is to be responsible for hurting someone you love? Well I know more than you think…” The Chief released his grip on Aang’s arm, letting out a resigned sigh. “I’ve born the burden of my wife, of Kya’s death on my conscience all these lonely years.”

Aang looked at him in confusion. “That doesn’t make sense. Kya… she was killed in a Fire Nation raid. I thought she died to protect Katara, the Tribe’s last waterbender?”

“Yes, yes. That’s all true.” Hakoda sat down heavily. “But how do you think the Fire Nation _knew_ that our little village had another waterbender?” He didn’t look at Aang, nor did he wait for him to reply. “Its because _I_ had been in contact with some Earth Kingdom traders, inquiring about perhaps finding a waterbending teacher for Katara. Those traders must have sold us out to the Fire Nation. How else would the Fire Nation have known we had a waterbender in the Tribe?”

Aang began in defense, “But you never meant…”

Aang was taken aback by the flash of hot pain in Hakoda’s eyes when he turned his icy blue gaze on him. “Does the fact that I didn’t mean it to happen make me any less responsible?! And does the fact that I regret it make Kya any less dead?!”

Aang choked back his tears. He understood. No matter how much he regretted what he had done to Katara, no matter how much he hadn’t meant for it to happen, he was still guilty. It was _his_ shame. _His_ burden. _His_ _fault_.

“Count yourself lucky that Katara isn’t dead.” Hakoda spoke to Aang firmly, but not without compassion in his blue eyes – eyes that looked so painfully like Katara’s. “The very nature of what you are puts Katara in danger, and it always will. Unless you man up, and save her from yourself. You need to let her go, Aang. So she can live.”

The tears finally spilled over Aang’s cheeks. He knew his Father-in-Law was right. If he loved Katara -- which he did, with all his heart! – he would have to take himself out of her life. Leave her for her own good.

Hakoda stood, his height seeming to towering over the defeated Avatar. “If you don’t, I will hold you responsible for killing her one day.”

And with that, Hakoda left him alone. Hakoda hadn’t said it, not out loud, but Aang heard the unspoken condemnation hanging in the air.

“ _Like you did your own child...”_

……………


	4. Chapter 4

………..

His palm spread wide on the Great Panda’s forehead, it glowed brighter for a moment, opening up an image to his minds-eye: A fleeting glimpse of Katara searching, running through the Spirit World. She was looking for her… but Aang knew her quest was in vain. She wouldn’t find her here. She wouldn’t find her anywhere.

What happened to a soul who had never really lived? To someone who had never even been born?

Aang’s heart fractured further. He had stolen from Katara something they could never get back, and yet his wife continued to search.

“Thank you, HeiBai, my old friend.” And with that he was off. Searching for his wife who was searching for a phantom.

………..

At first Aang rationalized his spying on Katara as a way to avoid running into her. _If I know her schedule, where she is and when, then I can know where_ not _to be._ But it didn’t take more than a couple of days of covertly watching her from rooftops before he began having a hard time justifying, even to himself, that it was all in an effort to evade her.

He knew it wasn’t right. To invade her privacy this way. But he couldn’t seem to help it. He had felt so devoid of anything but shame and ache for so long that the simple pleasure of watching Katara go about her day became addictive. And he wasn’t hurting anyone, he told himself. He wasn’t breaking any promises, and she would never need to know.

Aang’s favorite thing to watch Katara do was teach her waterbending lessons. Or even better yet, to witness her bending on her own before her students arrived. Due to the heat in Ba Sing Se this time of year, she usually taught her lessons in a short-sleeved blue dress, not unlike the one she had worn when they were kids, except this one was a lighter material and well, she wasn’t a _kid_ anymore. Her stunning feminine body moved with the ebb and flow of the water, her graceful movements those of a seasoned master. The peace and serenity on her beautiful face had him sighing with contentment from his place atop the university lecture hall that flanked the courtyard where she taught.

To this day Aang had never seen a more elegant waterbender. She had raw power there was no doubt, but she was also in tune with the water in a way that was truly rare. Sometimes when he saw her bend like this -- communing so completely with her element -- he had to shake his head, hardly believing that when he first met her she could barely move a knee-high wave.

Soon Katara’s first students began to arrive. But it was early still and Aang didn’t have any place he had to be until this afternoon. So he rested his chin on his hand and watched, smiling dopily down at her, his elbow resting on the decorative top molding of the green peaked roof.

This morning’s class had only three students, roughly in the age range between eight and eleven. Two of them, he had gathered, were a brother and sister, the other a quiet girl just a little younger. Aang smiled to himself as he listened to the siblings bicker as Katara began their morning warm-up; the squabbling reminding him of another pair of water tribe siblings who had become his family. _Had been._ He reminded himself. But no matter how estranged things were now, he couldn’t help but feel a sweet nostalgia remembering those simpler, happier times.

As the bending lesson progressed, Aang relaxed, living vicariously through the simple joys of those he was watching. He was very familiar with these waterbending katas – exercises he had done with Katara hundreds of times. He could have performed them in his sleep (In fact, come to think of it, he _had_ once, giving all his traveling companions a rude, wet awakening and soaking the entire camp. Toph had had no qualms about then awakening _him_ from his ‘sleep-bending’ with an abrupt earth spike to the kidney.). Something about the simple familiarity of it brought a contented, if not a bit of a wistful sigh from his chest.

As he watched, a green spotted scorpi-gecko, not bigger than three inches long, crawled up next to his arm on the roof. Most people were afraid of scorpi-geckos because their sting, besides being painful, injected a poison that caused immediate (even if only temporary) localized paralysis. But Aang wasn’t afraid. He was great with animals! He knew that if you weren’t afraid of them, then they would have no reason to sting.

Looking down at his new little friend Aang nodded his head towards where Katara was teaching down below and whispered conspiratorially, “She’s really pretty, isn’t she?” The scorpi-gecko looked up at him and blinked. Then with rapid feet it climbed up onto his bare shoulder, as if to see better. Aang laughed lightly and said, “Yeah, I’d want a better view too. But I can’t get any closer – she can’t know that I’m here. So I have to play this _real_ discreet like.”

As if for the sole purpose of thwarting this plan, the scorpi-gecko just then plunged its stinging tail deep into Aang’s shoulder. Aang stood letting out a strangled yelp of pain as the little lizard scurried down his body stinging him as it travel downward. Aang was already rapidly loosing the use of his right arm when the little traitor finally placed a deep sting through the fabric of his shorts into his thigh above his kneecap causing his whole right leg to fall asleep almost immediately and collapse under his weight. Aang knew he was in trouble when he started to tumble off the steep roof towards the courtyard. He let out a short yell as he plunged off the edge of the tall building, barely able to twist enough to bend out a cushion of air with his left hand before crashing into a row of trashcans below with a tremendous clatter. 

Needless to say, this racket brought the waterbending lesson to an abrupt halt, as all four waterbenders looked over startled, the smallest girl running to hide herself behind Katara’s legs. Aang tried to stand but found himself less than agile, being unable to move the whole right side of his body and laying half stuck under a couple of rubbish bins. He let out a groan of pain.

…And then a groan of embarrassment as Katara’s bright blue eyes came into view above him. “Aang?! Is that you?!”

“Uh… yeah. It’s me.” Aang could feel his face heating up with a crimson blush.

“What were you doing up on the roof?”

His brain frantically sought for what to say, for anything but the truth! “Oh! I was, um, napping!” If Aang’s arm hadn’t been immobile he would have slapped his own forehead — _stupid!_ _What a stupid thing to say!_

“Napping?” Katara asked incredulously.

“Uh, yeah!”

“On the roof of a two story building?”

“Oh sure, it’s an air nomad thing. We like sleeping on rooftops; the higher the better! I mean, _I’m_ an air nomad and I do it all the time!”

The tapestry of awkwardness that Aang was so masterfully weaving was finally interrupted as one of the student’s faces, the younger brother, popped into view: “Who is it, Master Katara? Hey Mister, why did you fall off the roof? And why did you choose to fall into the rubbish? How come you don’t have any hair? You don’t look _that_ old. And how did that blue arrow get painted on your head? Does it come off?”

Aang laughed self-depreciatively, “Well, my name is Aang. And I fell because I got stung by a scorpi-gecko and can’t move right now. I didn’t _choose_ to fall in the rubbish bins, it just appears to be fate’s insult to injury.” Katara moved a bin so she could step behind him to haul him up to sitting. “And I’m bald because I wanna be for… reasons. I’m a LOT older than I look, and I got this blue arrow after two weeks under a foot-long needle, and thank the spirits it isn’t coming off because I never want to have to go through that process again.”

He smiled at the boy’s inquisitive face, “Does that more or less cover it for you?”

The boy’s face broke into a wide gap-toothed grin.

But before her brother could say more, his older sister proclaimed, “Hey! Are you the Avatar?!”

Aang self-consciously admitted, “Yeah. At my finest… obviously...”

Katara broke in, taking charge of the situation. “Aang, you say a scorpi-gecko stung you?! We better get you to the healing clinic, see if I can’t help heal your paralysis before the venom settles further.” Then looking at the children, “Students, please stay here and practice the new kata from yesterday. Nakta, can you and your brother be sure to stay here until Umilli’s parents come to pick her up?”

Then turning her distractingly beautiful eyes on Aang, “Can you stand up?”

With some help from Katara and some one-sided airbending, Aang was able to get back on his feet (well foot. His right foot was useless). Katara pulled his numb arm around her shoulders and tucked herself close to him, wrapping her other arm around his waist to help him walk so the two could hobble to the thankfully very close healing clinic. Aang felt his mouth go dry with her body’s close contact. Being this close to Katara felt like a dream and a taunt all at once.

Luckily he was half-paralyzed to help keep things in perspective.

In the clinic, Katara helped Aang sit down on a short cot in a small room before stepping out again to speak with the woman at the desk. Aang noticed that despite the Earth Kingdom architecture on the outside of the building, the inside felt very water tribe. This small room had blankets with geometric patterns of blues and whites hanging on the walls and over the window, the light in the room coming from burning oil lamps that hung on beaded slings from the ceiling. There was a large ceramic bowl of water next to the cot, the water looking almost black in the dim room; black with reflected ripples of gold from the flickering firelights. The cot was made from animal skin strung taut on its frame, something that at sometime in his life would have made Aang uncomfortable, but after over a decade of “being” water tribe, he had more or less gotten used to. The room made him feel simultaneously at home again and also unnervingly like an intruder.

Memories of time spent with Katara in their own small dwelling in the South Pole elbowed their way past his defenses. Laughter and long languid kisses. Of talking together long into the night, whispering thoughts and feelings no one else knew. The flickering firelight making shadow dances on the rounded walls. Falling asleep to the rise and fall of Katara’s gentle breathing, her warm skin ensconced with his in heavy blankets.

He pressed his left hand over his eyes tightly, trying to will away the images that stabbed unbidden through his memory. They taunted him cruelly like a mirage in the dessert, his heart dry with thirst, but entirely unsated by these mind tricks.

At times like this the immensity of what he had lost felt like it would crush him. Crush him or drive him mad with longing.

As Katara returned pushing through the heavy hanging blanket over the door, the atmosphere in the room suddenly felt very intimate.

“You’re going to need to take your shirt off.” Aang detected a hint of a blush on her cheeks. “So I can see the damage and heal the stings.”

Aang swallowed. “Of course.” He fumbled with the knot on the sash holding his one-shouldered tunic on, but with his right arm useless, he was having difficulty untying it one-handed. 

“Here, let me help you.” Katara’s hands deftly untied the sash, her warm hands brushing lightly over his skin as she lifted the fabric off his shoulder. Aang’s brain seemed to swim, drowning in a gesture that had once been so familiar.

Gently Katara helped Aang to lie down before she knelt next to the cot. Katara’s eyes studied his shoulder, her fingers feathering downward tracing the pathway of stings left by the scorpi-gecko on his chest and side. Then closing her eyes and pulling water to her hands from the large pot on the floor, she placed them glowing onto the first sting. Aang sucked air sharply through his teeth, the sting seeming to intensify at first before the pain quickly subsided, Katara pulling the poison from his muscles. She worked quietly for a time, concentrating on her healing.

Aang’s right arm twitched as sensation began to flow again through his limb. “Whatever you’re doing seems to be working,” he told her as he opened and closed his right fist.

She opened her eyes for a moment to smile at him, but said nothing, her attention drawn right back to her task at hand.

Aang’s breath caught again as she moved down to the next sting. Her hands on his chest making him blush. He looked away from her face.

As she worked, Aang could gradually feel sensation returning to his body, the numbness ebbing away. After healing his torso, Katara eventually moved her hands down to his leg, rolling his shorts up to just above his knee so she could heal the last sting wound.

As she did so she spoke, “You know, I learned that I could heal after an accident. I was burned.”

Aang could still hear the echo of her scream in his mind as the flames from his reckless firebending had burned her hands. Pushing down his guilt and feigning ignorance he asked, “Oh really?”

“Yes, it was during the war. My brother and I found Master Jeong Jeong, a Firebending Master and deserter from the Fire Nation army on our travels. While we were with him something happened…” confusion flitted across her face for a moment, “well I can’t remember exactly what, but my hands got burned. But when I placed my hands in the river, I discovered that I could heal.”

“I’m so sorry you were burned.” His apology more than she understood.

“Don’t be. I’m really grateful for that experience. Without being hurt I may never have known I could heal. Without that experience the potential for good this ability has brought could have died within me without me even knowing it was there.”

 _And I would have died with it_ , Aang thought, thinking back to Katara’s pulling him back from death as they fled on the back of Appa from this very city.

Aang knew that they _both_ owed their lives to the healing power of water.

“You are truly gifted. The best healer I’ve ever known.”

Katara ducked her head modestly. “Its strange though, the pain is gone, but I still have the memory of how the burn felt.” She cradled one hand in her other one, her eyes looking distant.

“You need to be careful with fire.” Aang’s brows pulled low, his jaw setting. “It’s dangerous.”

Katara’s eyes returned to his. “Sure it is, but what would life be without fire? In the South Pole we couldn’t survive without it. It’s life and light; it’s heat. It’s how we cook our food and warm our homes, sometimes we use it to ward away dangerous animals. Yes it can be dangerous, but you can’t shun something so good from your life, just because you’re afraid that one day it could hurt you. I’ll take the risk any day.”

Aang knew she didn’t know what he was really talking about. But he wanted to listen as though she did.

Katara continued, “Being burned hurt so much. But the pain was worth it.” She held up a hand for him to see with a smile, “And see. No scars.”

Aang looked at her intently, sorrow in his eyes. He sat up and leaned over close to her, brushing his hand gently over the scar on her cheek, tracing with his fingers the deep crevice leading back towards her hair. Feeling for the first time the scar he had given her.

Katara’s breath caught in surprise, her hand darting up to her cheek as well, her fingers cupping nervously over his. “Oh, this. I know it’s kind of ugly.”

Aang looked at her seriously, “Nothing about you is ugly.”

Their gazes held, both looking intently at the other, Aang’s hand still on the nape of her neck. The air suddenly felt very thick, like the only way to breath again would be together. Katara leaned closer to him, her eyes fluttering closed. Aang’s eyes closed too…

Before snapping back open to reality.

Aang pulled his hand back quickly; Katara looked up at him, a bit startled. Both of them were left a little shaken from what had almost just happened; the air remaining charged between them.

It was Katara who finally broke the loud silence. “Well, um, how are you feeling now?”

Aang moved his arm and straitened his right knee a few times testing out his leg. “Good as new!” Standing he grabbed for his shirt and pulled it over his left shoulder, securing it with the brown sash he wore as a belt. “That will be the last time I give a scorpi-gecko the benefit of the doubt – I have learned for myself that they simply can’t be trusted.”

Katara laughed lightly as she stood too. “And no more ‘napping’ on rooftops, right?” Her single raised eyebrow betraying that she was not entirely fooled by his ridiculous pretext.

“Heh, heh… right…” Aang said rubbing the back of his neck. Then turning towards her with a bow, “Thank you, Katara. How can I ever repay you?”

“Well actually,” Katara smiled mischievously, “as long as you are in my debt… How about coming to one of my waterbending lessons? I know the kids would love to learn from the Avatar!”

“Oh…” Aang didn’t see an easy way out of this one. _Maybe it will be okay_ , he told himself, _just teaching a lesson, three little kids there as chaperones. Couldn’t be too dangerous, right?_ “Uh, sure. I’d be happy to.”

“Really?!” the glowing smile on Katara’s face made his heart swell, making it all seem worth it. “That’s great! So… tomorrow then?”

“Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow morning!” 

Aang walked smiling out of the healing clinic, a bounce in his step. But it wasn’t long until reality began creeping in on his cheer. Worry began to needle him and disgust at his own lack of resolve settled in. He wondered if this wasn’t unlike the old adage of the goffer-frog.

‘Put a goffer-frog in boiling water, and he jumps out immediately.

But put him in cold water, and turn up the heat gradually…

And before long, you have boiled goffer-frog.’

Aang wondered if perhaps by giving in to what he _wanted_ , by not holding fast in his resolve to avoid Katara completely, if perhaps he was heading for a disaster he couldn’t turn away from.

There were good reasons he needed to stay away from her. He knew them all. Aang cursed his own weakness, his inability to stay away from this woman he still loved.

He hoped he wouldn’t one day find himself -- or worse yet, _Katara_ \-- a boiled goffer-frog. 

……………..

Aang closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He knew he was in danger of losing his blank expression.

Speaking with a calm he didn’t feel, Aang spoke, “Enough of these games, Koh. I am not here to be toyed with. You have Katara, and I want her back.”

Koh blinked back to his white masked face, his blood-red lips smiling cruelly. “Oh, you are no fun! All work and no play makes the Avatar a dull boy indeed.”

Aang could hear Koh’s many taloned feet clicking staccatos across the stones into the blackness of the cave behind him. Aang watched him go, only to return a short time later with an expressionless Katara walking beside him as he prodded her with one of his many spear-like feet.

Aang’s heart leaped!

Katara stood tall and strait, but no expression at all upon her beautiful face. Her eyes showed no sign of registration of where she was, or of Aang who stood, his eyes glued on her.

At last, Aang looked from the blank visage of his wife to the abominable creature beside her. Hatred welled inside himself; only half directed at the ancient spirit -- the other half directed inward toward himself.

“What have you done to her?” As he spoke, Aang took a step toward her. Then another. Until he could lift her limp hand in his own.

“ _Done_ to her?! Why _I_ have done nothing to her. _You_ , on the other hand …?”

…………


	5. Chapter 5

……………

Destruction. Everywhere. The ground roiled like an angry sea below him. The wind swirled like a hurricane. Fire licked hot and angry up his arms.

Friend and foe alike began to flee before him, their fearful eyes reflecting the flames in his hands. Most had no prayer of escape. The ground under their feet curled and pulled them under like a scoop through softened ice cream, their cries dying in their throats.

He had never felt more terrified. Nor, he was sure, had he ever been more terrifying. But his pain was too loud, all-consuming. His tears glowed in streams of white light down his cheeks. The sob of a thousand voices crying out from his chest.

He had never even known she was there. His imbalance too complete to register that it was _her_ who was calling his name. _Why had she been so stupidly unafraid of him?!_ Katara had revived – she hadn’t died! -- and seeing him so out of control, she had run up below him, trying to calm him like she had always been able to before.

But the pain radiating out from him had caught her in a rolling wave of crushing earth. A large boulder hitting her hard in the side of the head.

His white glowing eyes just caught a glimpse of her blue tunic before she had been buried beneath the rubble. His name on her lips drowning in the stones.

And it was then that he fell from the sky.

…………

 _This is surely what flying must feel like!_ Katara thought happily.

She was on her way to her early morning waterbending lesson; the one that Aang would be attending as a guest instructor. Her stomach fluttered excitedly as she thought about the airbender.

Katara couldn’t explain it, but that moment yesterday, when she was healing Aang and the two had gravitated together, she was sure the ground had disappeared from under her. But instead of plummeting, her heart had soared. _Just like flying!_

(Vaguely in the back of her mind she also knew that the danger with flying, is that you might fall…)

Although they had not actually kissed yesterday, something inside Katara was sure she knew exactly what he would taste like, like the experience would be both new and a well-worn path. But of course that was nonsense. She had never kissed the Avatar! She hadn’t even _met_ him until a few weeks ago.

Was it possible to have deja vu about a kiss that never happened? Neither now nor in the past?

Or perhaps she really was losing her mind; a possibility that, disconcertingly, was not a new notion for her.

But right now she was too happy to let the old worries linger. She was too excited to see Aang again today. Early on she had sensed some evasiveness in the Avatar, but that seemed to have lessened a bit yesterday. Surely Aang had felt the electricity between them too? She already considered him her friend; but maybe he would be open to something even more?

Katara wondered idly if her father would relax a bit if she was dating the Avatar. Perhaps Hakoda wouldn’t have to worry so much about her if he felt a ‘powerful man’ was looking out for her. She smiled to herself. She didn’t feel she needed anyone to protect her, but she didn’t mind the idea of a relationship with Aang.

Katara supposed she would find out soon enough what her father thought when he and Sokka arrived in a few days for the world conference. Back when she had been a Southern Water Tribe Representative, she had been an active participant in this yearly conference. But she wasn’t a representative anymore (another sore spot between her and her father), so in recent years she had not attended. But this year would be different. She still would not be an official representative for her Tribe, and would thus not be in attendance everyday, but she _would_ be making a short presentation about the work being done at the Ba Sing Se Waterbending Academy on one of the days of the conference.

Katara was excited to see so many of her friends again! She knew that as Fire Lord, Zuko would be in attendance, along with a few of his advisors. There would be Northern Water Tribe representatives, as well as leaders from various parts of the sprawling Earth Kingdom. There would even be a representative from the fledgling Republic City.

(Katara knew that she had lived in Republic City for a time, but her memories from that time were barely more than a vague notion. When she tried to remember the details, she could barely recall more than a blip here or there. And she usually ended up with a splitting headache for her efforts. Katara had learned not to think too hard about certain things.)

Katara knew that Toph would also be in attendance at the conference for the same session that she would be. Toph was to give an update on the progress of the new Ba Sing Se chapter of her Metal Bending Academy. Katara wondered if Toph was already in the city; perhaps she should look her up…

This conference would be the first time all of her friends would be together since the time several years ago when they had all gathered in Omashu for the crowning of the new king. A day or two later, after the coronation, their entourage had been ambushed on their way home.

Although King Bumi had selected a clear successor, one of his generals had felt the title ought to be his. And with the backing of a significant portion of the Omashu army, the general had ambushed their group – believing that if he could eliminate them first, then he would eliminate his biggest obstacle to overthrowing the new King of Omashu. 

But honestly, her memories of that time were even sparser than of her time living in Republic City. She wouldn’t have even known it had happened if she hadn’t been told about it. Apparently she had been injured during the scuffle – Sokka told her that was where her scar had come from, although her brother never expounded much on the details. Her next clear memory was of waking up in the Northern Water Tribe where her brother and father had taken her for healing.

Although her injury didn’t explain why people seemed to lie to her, she had wondered if it had something to do with her troublesome recollections. Whatever had hit her head must have rattled loose some of her memories. Sometimes she worried it had rattled even more loose…

But again, she was not going to mar her enthusiasm with old worries. Soon her friends would be all together again and she couldn’t wait! Maybe Aang could hang out with them too…?

There was always a large banquet party the final evening of the conference – a big fancy affair at the palace with lots of food, dancing, and entertainment. Katara wondered absentmindedly if Aang liked to dance…

Just then a little flash of blue skipped up beside her taking her hand and talking excitedly before she had fully registered he was even there. “… and that’s when I told her ‘You’re not the boss of me’ and I did it, Master Katara! I got the water to go _exactly_ where I wanted it to go! -- Right in her bossy face! -- But then our mom was like ‘Kek! Go to your room’ but I didn’t care because it was _totally_ worth it!”

Katara looked down at the bouncing boy walking beside her and laughed, “Why good morning, Kek. I’m glad to hear you were able to redirect water flow, but I am _not_ glad to hear that you used it on your sister.”

“See!” His sister, Nakta, said gloatingly as she ran to catch up. “I told you she would be on _my_ side!”

“Hold on just a minute there, Nakta. Kek said he _redirected_ a flow – sounds like maybe you were aiming at him first. Maybe I’m not on _your_ side either,” Katara teased. Kek hooted in triumph and the two squabbled for a moment longer before Kek piped up, “So what are we gonna do today, Master Katara?”

Katara smiled, “Well today we have a very special guest. The Avatar is going to come and help me teach your class.”

Both kids exclaimed in surprise, Kek bursting out with, “That arrow guy who fell off the roof yesterday?!”

Katara laughed and shook her head yes, “Yup. Just the one.”

Kek let go of her hand and danced around in front of Katara walking backwards so he could look at her while he spoke animatedly. “I liked that guy! But why would he put blue arrows all over himself? I heard that he has them on his _whole body_! That’s so weird!”

Katara blushed lightly. She had noticed while healing Aang yesterday the long blue lines on his limbs and back. She had tried not to wonder too much… “Now Kek, just because he looks different doesn’t mean he’s weird. How do you like it when Earth Kingdom boys tease you about your hair beads?”

Kek reached up and touched the two blue beads hanging from dread-locks on one side of his face and looked momentarily shamed before his face steeled itself, “Well those boys are just stupid! My beads are cool!” Katara could see that she had hit her mark.

But shifting gears, Kek said, “but you know what? I heard my mom and dad talking last night after we told them about the Avatar falling off the roof into our lesson. They thought we were asleep but me and Nakta heard them say some stuff about him.” His voice made it seem like a great secret.

Katara leaned in playfully and whispered conspiratorially, “Oh yeah? Like what?”

Kek spoke excitedly, “They said the Avatar was messed up. That he had done some bad stuff!”

Nakta chimed in, “They even said he was married before -- to a water tribe girl. Like us!”

Katara stopped walking in her surprise. She didn’t know that! Was that even true?

Kek went on, “But I guess he’s not anymore or something. My mom told us to quit eavesdropping and to ‘get our polar-bear hides to bed or she would tan them’, so we didn’t get to hear anymore.”

To say that this little piece of gossip had surprised Katara was an understatement. And the hot jealously that flared within her was even more surprising.

 _Whose to say it’s even true?_ She asked herself. _But whose to say it isn’t?_ Her mind replied. _You don’t know any reason why it wouldn’t be. Why would you assume he hasn’t been involved with someone? Just because_ you _have such limited romantic experience, doesn’t mean he wouldn’t have history._ Katara’s heart dropped to her stomach. _What if he is involved with someone now?_

 _You have no claim on him, Katara_. She reminded herself. But then why did she feel so strongly like she did?

As they continued on their way, the kids prattling on, Katara unhearing tried to calm her racing heart. _You need to calm down! He’s here just to help you teach. Just focus on that for now. Nothing more._

But as they rounded the corner to their practice yard, Katara’s heart raced even faster. For there was Aang, his lithe back to them, gracefully bending the water in the big pools used for their lessons. The three watched as, with a grand upward sweep of his right hand Aang easily called all the water from one of the large troughs flanking the courtyard into a towering wave, the wave casting a shadow over half of the square. A quick strike with that same arm froze it in a great arc while his left arm swept water from the trough on the other side, calling it toward him. The water circled around him, his own agile body circling in sync. Then using the circling momentum, he threw the water at the side of the towering frozen arc. The ice arc melted immediately as the two waters collided, combining to make a great wave that skated the edges of the square. Aang did a low sweeping drag with his legs, freezing a thick ice disk under his feet. Then with an upward drag of his arms, the large amount of water circling the courtyard came circling inward toward him, spiraling up under the ice disk under his feet and propelled him high into the air. For a long moment Aang stood on top of this twister of water looking out over the waking city.

Katara was familiar with this last technique. But she was surprised to see the Avatar performing it; because to her knowledge she was the only one who knew this move. Since she had invented it.

Kek and Nakta let out a cheer enjoying the impressive water show. Aang turned from his place standing atop the waterspout, and smiled. Gradually he allowed the water to dissipate, bringing him effortlessly downward and sending it splashing wetly into the awaiting troughs.

“Hi guys!” he waved cheerfully as his feet stepped down onto the wet stones.

As her two students ran over excitedly to talk with the Avatar, Katara felt her palms get a little clammy. Katara had known the Avatar was powerful: the master of all four elements after all. But to see him bend her element, and with such seeming ease, it had her a little stunned. To say she found him attractive while bending water was a bit of an embarrassing understatement.

She couldn’t help but feel a little bashful when Kek dragged Aang over to her exclaiming, “Master Katara! I want him to teach us that one today! The big spout with the splooosh,“ Kek threw his arms up over his head to match his verbal sound affect. “Can he? Can we please learn that one?!”

Laughing lightly, Aang looked at Katara, “Good morning, Sifu Katara” he said with a small bow.

“Good morning,” she replied, averting her eyes from his, something about being close to him right now making her feel even more bashful. But clearing her throat and addressing Kek she said, “Well Pupil Kek, I hate to break it to you, but that particular move appears to be a tad outside our beginner class curriculum. But perhaps, if you’re lucky, Avatar Aang could teach you how to freeze a small wave if he chooses.”

Kek let out an “Aw man!” and kicked at the ground dejectedly.

Just then Umilli, the other member of thier waterbending class walked into the square accompanied by her small-framed mother. Umilli’s mom froze, eyes big when she saw Aang in the courtyard, a look of -- was that alarm? -- on her face.

“Good morning, Umilli,” Katara welcomed as she stepped forward to usher the small girl into the yard. “And good morning to you as well, Ednaka,” she said greeting her mother.

Motioning towards Aang, Katara introduced, “Ednaka, I’d like you to meet Avatar Aang. The Avatar will be teaching a special waterbending class to the students today!” Aang bowed respectfully.

The girl’s mother stood silent, looking nervous like she didn’t know what she ought to do next.

“Class will be finished as usual in an hour,” Katara reminded her, wondering at the woman’s strange behavior. Ednaka, much like her daughter, had always struck Katara as a timid type, quiet and very reserved. But this behavior seemed very strange indeed.

Without a word, Ednaka turned and hurried from the square.

The smile on Aang’s face had slowly slipped away over the course of the interaction, a knowing resign taking its place.

Katara tried to apologize, but Aang brushed it off. “No worries, its okay…” And then turning to the kids with a smile and clapping his hands together he asked, “So are we going to do some waterbending or what?” 

After moving through the usual warm-up katas all together, and another exercise involving passing a stream of water between them, Aang then taught the kids the basic moves required to freeze a rising wave. The move did not come easily for any of the three students, and when frustrations seemed to elevate, Aang offered a playful incentive: he would stand as a helpless target for the students to throw a waterball at every time one of them got it right.

This incentive soon had the kids concentrating even harder for a chance to hit the Avatar. Kek, especially took this to heart and soon little beads of sweat could be seen trickling down by his beads as he finally froze a wave. “I did it!” he exclaimed! Aang cheered for him and then faking dejection, spread his arms out and closed his eyes tight, ready for Kek to hit him with a waterball. “Do your worst, Kek. But it’s not my fault if you miss!”

Well Kek did not miss, and Aang sputtered and laughed as he wiped water out of his eyes, challenging Kek, “But can you do it again?!”

Within a few minutes, all three students, even shy little Umilli, had managed to freeze their waves and then gleefully use the Avatar as target practice. Katara had laughed with the rest of them until her stomach hurt. Finally, a sopping wet Aang called surrender. “Okay, I give up! Looks like you’ve all got it now!”

But as he was preparing to show the kids another move, the gate to the courtyard flew open with a bang, and in marched a large, angry Water Tribe man with a cowering Ednaka following a short distance behind him.

Startled they all looked toward the big man as he strode toward them, Umilli darting behind Nakta as if to hide.

“What is the meaning of this?” the man boomed commandingly.

Katara stepped forward, defiance in her stance, “The meaning of what? We’re having a waterbending lesson, obviously.”

The man looked down on her, barely able to contain his distain. Katara recognized his behavior at once: another sexist Northern man offended at having to address a woman as an equal. Katara’s hackles flared. “And what is the meaning of you bursting in here so rudely?”

“Who are you?” he demanded of her.

“I’m Umilli’s waterbending instructor, Master Katara.”

“What?” he asked in irritation, turning to his cowering wife, “you never told me Umilli’s teacher was a woman! It’s bad enough…” he seemed to think better of whatever he was going to say and changed course, “I never should have agreed to let you enroll her in classes in the first place.”

Then turning on Katara, “And how could you be so cavalier with the safety of your students? Of my daughter!?”

His wisp of a wife tried to clam him, “Quil please...”

“Quiet Ednaka!” He thundered, “Don’t interfere!”

Katara raised her head confidently and spoke up, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Cavalier with their safety how?!”

This man, Quil, jabbed a finger in Katara’s face, “how could you dare to bring _the Avatar_ , someone so… unbalanced, to be here with _children_?” Fear flashed in his eyes for just a moment as he glanced at Aang. Then turning his attention back to Katara he stepped closer, towering intimidatingly over her, “Surely you have heard...”

Katara held up her hands, stopping him, “No! I’ve heard nothing! The Avatar is our special guest…”

But Quil angrily reached for Katara, grabbing her wrist.

But just then the ground beneath them shook violently, cracking, some of the children falling to the ground, a sharp ridge bursting upward between Quil and Katara. The sharp edge of the rock jutted threateningly toward the big man, causing him to jump backward with a yelp. All eyes turned to find the source of the earthbending, tracing the crack to its origin at Aang’s feet. Aang himself stood doubled over holding his head in both hands. When he looked up there was a wild kind of fear in his grey eyes; like the eyes of a trapped animal. A groan of great effort escaped from him.

“You see!” Quil accused, “He’s unhinged. He’s dangerous!”

Then, being sure to give Aang a wide birth, Quil rushed over to Umilli and grabbed her by the arm, hauling her to her feet. “We’re leaving. Now.” Then he stalked toward the gate. “And you can bet the school administration will hear about this!”

Ednaka stepped timidly forward, beckoning the other two children to come with her. Then speaking softly to Katara she said, “I’ll take the other children home as well. I’m sure their parents would prefer…” but she didn’t finish as she ducked her head and ushered the children out after her husband.

Katara stood stunned. She was hardly able to process what had just happened.

She looked down at the jagged broken stones at her feet. Slowly she turned toward Aang. He still stood over the large crack in the ground, as if rooted to the spot. He looked up at her from under his dark brows apologetically, his palms turning up toward her as if to show her he meant no harm.

She had no idea what her own expression would tell him.

But whatever it was, he seemed to nod to himself slightly, as though accepting some long awaited sad inevitability; like some great dread had finally come to pass.

“I’m sorry, Katara.”

……………

“Ah, my old friend, the Avatar.” The voice oily and smooth just like in his nightmares echoed around the old cave under the ancient dead tree. “You’ve come to visit Koh once again. To what do I owe this great pleasure?”

Aang schooled his expression anew even as his skin crawled hearing this voice again. It was a dangerous time for him to be here. Not that it was ever safe with the Face Stealer lurking. But right now, Aang’s grasp on his emotions was already a cracked glass, one last tap and he was sure he would shatter.

“You know why I am here, Koh. I know what they have all been saying. You’ve stolen someone dear to me…”

The great centipede blinked into another face, one of a beautiful water tribe woman, hair flowing long. A face he had once known well. Ummi. But now, in this life, she meant little to him except for her resemblance to the person he sought today.

Koh’s sick voice spoke from the lips of his past life’s wife. “Oh, such wicked accusations!” He crooned. “I _stole_ no one…” Then switching faces once again, this time to an old man, eyes golden and intense, “But perhaps I did _find_ someone…”

Aang swallowed his fear. _What has he_ done _with her?!_

“Where is Katara?”

“Oh, so quick to get to the point. Where are your manors Avatar? Is this anyway for _old friends_ to talk?” With that Koh blinked to another face. It was almost more than Aang could do to keep his composure, and even so he had to close his eyes for a long moment. Koh had donned the face of an Air Nomad child, someone that Aang had _known_. Samten was his name. He was a boy from the Northern Air Temple, not a close friend, but someone he had played airball with more than once. The kid had had a contagious laugh, a high merry sound that made you want to laugh too. It turned Aang’s stomach to hear Koh’s voice spewing from his innocent face.

“Oh you know this one?... I told you last time we spoke that it had been a long time since I’d taken a child’s face. One hundred years in fact. In the panic to flee the flames of Sozin’s insanity, Air Nomads not a few found themselves walking in _forbidden paths_ …” At this, Koh cycled through more Air Nomad faces, quickly, barely giving one face time to register before he moved on to the next.

“And these are not the only souls you have known to walk in _forbidden places_ …”

…………….


	6. Chapter 6

……………

Aang was inconsolable.

They wouldn’t let him in to see her. And as much as he wanted to be with her, he also knew he didn’t deserve to be by her side.

As it was, he was staying some ways outside of the town. No one would have tried to stop him if he had entered the town -- no one would have dared to -- but he knew he was not wanted there. He knew they feared him. So he stayed away. He knew what he had done to the last town he got too close to…

“Hey Twinkletoes.”

It was Toph. Aang had been so consumed with worry and self-despising he hadn’t even felt her walk up. He was grateful Toph would even come. She was the only one who didn’t seem to think he might explode in close contact.

He was on his feet in an instant.

“How is she?!”

There was a long pause.

“She’s alive, Aang.”

Aang was so relieved he immediately began to cry. He plopped to the ground holding his head in his hands, his shoulders heaving in relieved sobs. Appa let out a concerned groan, bringing his big body close to his friend like a hug.

Toph walked over too and placed her hand on his shoulder. It took several minutes before Aang realized that Toph was being too quiet. No caustic remarks, no admonitions to “buck up” or “quit crying like a baby”. Toph being this serious, this sensitive, was concerning. She had even called him by his own name.

Finally Aang brought his head up and asked, “What is it, Toph? What haven’t you told me?”

“It’s the baby, Aang… the baby didn’t…”

She didn’t have to finish.

Aang knew.

And a wide abyss of despair opened up beneath him to swallow him whole. He knew what he had done. And he knew in his soul that there was no forgiveness for monsters like him.

…………

_This can’t be happening! Not again. Not now!_

Aang doubled over grabbing his head in his hands, fighting desperately to hold himself together – to hold the monster at bay.

Things had gotten so much better, he had thought. It had been a long while since his last… incident.

But seeing that Water Tribe man, his dirty hands on Katara. Aang’s bending had acted before he had even had time for conscious thought. Cracking the ground and throwing the man off of her. The reaction had been totally visceral. A knee-jerk. Something he couldn’t control.

And that lack of control is what scared him so much.

_I’m still not safe! I’m still… broken!_

When he looked up to see their faces, they were so afraid. Afraid of him. Kek and Umilli had been shaken to the ground, their looks of terror almost more than he could bear. A groan escaped his lips as he forced the demon down again.

_You’ll never be free. You’ll never be safe to be with._

Aang had mastered the Avatar State when he was still a boy; the day he had defeated Ozai; the day he stopped the madman from burning the world into ash.

That day he had walked through the perverse paths of a truly twisted mind. Blinding red and blue light had burst from them as he and Ozai had met on a spiritual plane and fought – not with bending, not with punches, but with strength of will and of resolve. Aang had seen flashes of what made Ozai who he was – he’d walked in his shoes as the jealous younger brother, the domineering husband, the talented and ambitious firebender seeking glory, the jilted kin-slaying younger son. He had seen the black heart of the man who had burned and banished his own son, and twisted his daughter into a weapon of destruction. He had stood soul to soul with the man who wished to burn the world.

At that time Aang had known who he, himself, was. And what he stood for. He had not been perfect, but he had been… good. And pure. And his incorruptible soul had changed the soul of the corrupted. He had valued the life of a cold-hearted enemy. And through his choice of mercy had given new birth to the world.

Since that time, Aang had commanded the Avatar State with calm and complete control. Although the circumstances requiring use of the Avatar State were few, each and every time it had come to him easily, the power and hum of his past lives emanating in grand and effective bending.

Since that time he had felt the tug of power surge forward once or twice when he was in emotionally heightened situations; however, even then the Avatar State had been his to control, a comforting support. It was just another part of him, which he had no longer associated with fear or anger. It had been a tool for good. A connection with his past lives – a hum of harmony with friends forged over the thousands of years he had lived before.

It was not until _that day_ , the day he had mistakenly thought to have witnessed Katara die in front of him, that the Avatar State had taken control again without his permission. As a child, this had not been uncommon, and he had feared it. But in his adult life: never.

It was not until that day that the Avatar State had become a burden again.

For when he had lost control of it that day, he had done terrible things, things he had vowed never to do. People had died. _He_ had killed them. And that gentle boy from the iceberg became a murder.

He was no longer pure. He had even hurt the One in his life he loved the most. Stealing from her their Hope for the future, and nearly robbing her of her own life as well. Katara would be dead today if it weren’t for the Northern Water Tribe healer, with her Oasis water, that had been traveling with their entourage. Not to mention all the additional healing she had required in the North Pole. This event would haunt him for the rest of his days.

Aang knew he was truly irredeemable.

The events of that day had knocked him completely off center. It was as though he was a clay pot on a potter’s wheel, and being struck off the center, caused him like the clay to warp and crumple, impossible to reshape.

Katara had been his center. Without her he was a mess.

The intensity of his grief following _that day_ was unparalleled for him. Aang was no stranger to grief. The loss of his people was a burden he still carried, something that had haunted him since the day he awoke in this century. But unlike before, he no longer had Katara at his side. She wasn’t there to calm him, to talk him through his terrors, to reassure him. She wasn’t in his bed to hold him when he woke from nightmares almost as terrifying as reality had been. She had always carried his burdens with him. Katara had been his rock; no one had really known how much he had needed her. But now she wasn’t in his life at all.

And it was _his fault_ she wasn’t.

Anxiety plagued Aang; peace of mind became impossible for him to find. He was no longer able to access his power calmly. Meditation was fruitless. Connection with his past lives inaccessible. He knew his chakras were an obstructed, muddled mess – but he didn’t have the support he needed to clear them.

And alas, his loss of control that day had not remained an isolated event.

Once, in the months following that day, he had dreamed of Katara’s death again; the images so real he was sure he was there all over again. When he had woken panicked and screaming, he looked down to see the tattoos on his hand just beginning to fade from white, everything around him ablaze in hot fire. He had destroyed the entire inn he had been staying in, blown it apart from the inside out and burned the remnants to cinders before he had even fully awakened.

That night he had looked in horror to his right at the remnants of what had been the bed he was sleeping in – and in the exact spot that Katara would have lain, a crushing, burning beam from the ceiling had fallen. For the first time since he had left her, he cried with relief that she _hadn’t_ been there with him. And with renewed conviction he knew that he had to stay away from her. Because with him, she would never be safe.

Losing control of the Avatar State was not common – it had only happened a couple of times really – but _fear_ of it happening again was still a constant worry for Aang. He would spend so much effort trying to keep the power within that he would occasionally lose control of his bending. And with or without the Avatar State, Aang’s power was a force to be reckoned with. A force to fear.

Word that the Avatar was unhinged had traveled fast. And for the better part of a year he had avoided populated areas as much as he could, never once sleeping in a proper bed outside an Air Temple.

But isolation was bad for Aang. If he had had the insight to see it, he would have known that deep down what he feared the most was being alone. Truly and completely alone. The Last. Abandoned. In his solitude he felt more unbalanced than ever.

It had been Zuko who finally dragged him out of his self-exile.

He had shown up in the main courtyard at the Southern Air Temple with a half-battalion of armed soldiers. A handful of air-ships could be seen bobbing up and down in the clouds surrounding the tall mountain like ships at sea.

Aang had stepped out of the temple, staff in hand, a look of blank bemusement on his face. “Hello, Zuko. What brings you…” his arm sweeping to include the group of a dozen soldiers behind the Fire Lord, “here today?”

The sick irony of this image did not escape him: Fire Nation soldiers standing in this temple again, seeking the Last Airbender.

Zuko stepped forward closer to Aang, waving his soldiers back with an annoyed stroke of his hand when they made to follow him. His captain clearly uncomfortable started, “My Lord, need I remind you that…?”

But Zuko had cut her off, “No, you needn’t. You are to stay here.”

Zuko followed Aang through an archway into a smaller, side courtyard. “Aang, you have to come back. You’ve been away long enough. The world needs you.”

“I’m not safe.” Then peering at Zuko out of the corner of his eye, “Clearly your captain agrees.”

“Ignore her. The soldiers are an acquiescence to counsel concerns; just a way to get them to shut up and agree to my coming. This hardly even counts as a precaution,” Zuko’s mouth turned upward just slightly at the edge, “We both know that way up here, my little battalion would be a non-threat to you.”

Aang looked at his friend, conflict stirring inside him: Gratitude that he had come. Annoyance. Worry. A boatload of doubt.

The two had talked for a long time. The Fire Lord had pleaded with the Avatar. “My primary concern is you, Aang! I will always care about Katara -- I owe her my life -- but what this is doing to you is not okay. We both know the world depends on you.”

“Zuko, I’m not okay. I think I’m losing my mind!”

“Then we’ll find it again. Together. You once told me that my mistakes do not define me. Well listen up:” Zuko’s fierce golden eyes seemed to bore a hole in Aang as he said the words slowly, “ _Your mistakes do not define you!_ When I was at my lowest, Uncle was there for me.” Then looking awkwardly to the side at his open exchange of sentiment Zuko added, “I want to be here for you, too.”

Aang hadn’t really believed Zuko that day, but he had wanted to. And he knew he couldn’t run from the world forever, coward that he was. He had done that once -- a hundred years of war the catastrophic result. He would fulfill his duties as the Avatar. Come out of hiding.

Zuko had convinced him to return with him first to Ember Island. The two had stayed at the new royal estate on the opposite, more remote side of the island. Practicing firebending each morning at dawn, together they rose with the sun. Breathing with the flames, Aang had managed some level of meditation. He discovered that he could keep a leaf from burning indefinitely.

At some point Toph had shown up too, complaining loudly about how sloppy Aang’s earthbending had gotten. She had pounded him mercilessly on the sparring ground, as if to purposely piss him off. It took Aang a few days before he realized she was doing it on purpose, trying to push him over the edge. “See Twinkletoes, nothing scary about you after all (which of course _I_ knew all along).”

Aang had gradually become involved politically again, at first remotely via hawk, but then eventually in person attending counsels with Zuko. Although there were few people who seemed to feel totally at ease around him, Aang began to simply accept that as the new norm, and involved himself regardless. Thus he had picked up his role as Avatar again.

And he had been doing so well. He had seemed to be so much more in control.

Until today.

Aang watched as the waterbending practice yard cleared, people all but running from him. Until only Katara remained.

He watched her back as she looked down at the jagged ridge that had burst up from the ground at her feet. He was afraid of what her eyes would tell him when she turned around.

Afraid that she would look at him like everyone else. Treat him like everyone else did. The only good thing to come from Koh was that Aang had thus far been spared seeing the results of his betrayal reflected in Katara’s eyes.

Slowly she turned to face him.

And there it was. He saw fear in her eyes.

Swallowing hard he accepted that this is how it would be now. She had every right to fear him -- more right than she even had memory of. But he had dreaded this; dreaded the day she would lose her naïve view of him. For a time he had been able to pretend it all away. To be with her as though they were kids again. But now her eyes were opened, and he knew she would forevermore see him as the monster he was.

All he could do is apologize, his hands up to show her he meant no harm. “I’m sorry, Katara.”

But she surprised him. Instead of running away as she should, she came to him, and placed her hand on his arm kindly, looking him in the eyes. “Aang, are you okay?”

He was so surprised by her reaction that he just stood there blinking at her.

“Aang?”

All he could think to do was to apologize again, “Katara, I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Katara said her lips pursed angrily, “That guy was a jerk and he deserved what he got! I can’t _believe_ he would think he could just storm in here and…! Poor Umilli having to deal with a father like that! He was way out of line,” she finished with a huff.

Aang was stunned.

Katara’s expression softening; she looked up at him from under her dark eyelashes, “Thank you, Aang.” Then she tipped up on her toes and kissed his cheek.

Aang felt light headed. He was not even entirely sure his feet were still touching the ground. Could it be that he had misread her? That she didn’t think he was a monster after all?!

He finally found his voice, “Oh… sure. Anytime…I guess.” He was sure he was blushing.

Katara looked over the ruined ground of her practice field. “So what are the chances of you putting this all back in order?” she teased with a smile.

“Oh yeah! _That_ I can do!” A few earthbending moves later and the stones had sewn themselves back into a smooth cobbled courtyard.

Then Katara took his arm and led him over to one of the stone observation benches at the edge of the square. Once the two of them were sitting she turned to him with a look he was familiar with: a look that told him he was going to have to spill the beans. “So, I don’t blame you for anything of course, but… what Umilli’s father was saying… and then your reaction. What exactly just happened here, Aang?”

Aang cleared his throat, preparing to confess. Part of it at least. “Well, he wasn’t wrong really. I am dangerous.” He felt his chest contract, having to taint her untainted view of him with the truth. “A couple of years ago I… um, something happened, and I lost someone. And my bending… it’s never been the same since. Sometimes I’m not entirely in control.”

Her clear blue eyes looked like she was looking right inside his soul. “Well isn’t that something we all deal with in some way? I mean, don’t emotions affect all of us benders? You can just ask Sokka, when I get angry my bending goes haywire. I once unintentionally cracked open a towering iceberg just because Sokka was being a sexist idiot!”

Aang laughed ruefully; he had been on the receiving end of Katara’s temper more than once, and he had learned early on that it was always best to find a dry place before breaking bad news to her. “Sure. I suppose it might be a bit similar. But you see, I’m the Avatar. I can’t afford to lose control. Bad things happen when…” he petered off, lost for a moment in painful memories.

Katara listened, and he could tell that she was doing that intuitive thing she did, where she was hearing more than he was saying. Suddenly he wanted to tell her everything.

“And I’ve been… pretty lonely. I mean I have friends, people in my life who are important to me. But I guess I’ve just been kind of, lost, without this person…”

“This person,” Katara looked a little nervous, “was she, I mean, was the person you lost… it was your wife, wasn’t it?”

Aang felt his stomach drop. How did she know? _What_ had she heard?

“I’m sorry! I know I shouldn’t pry,” Katara apologized immediately. “It’s just that, I heard someone talking, and they mentioned that you had once been married…” she looked at him with so much sympathy, “I just thought that, you know, maybe it was her…?”

Aang nodded numbly. This conversation had just become so surreal.

Katara took both of his hands in hers, “I’m so sorry for your loss, Aang. I lost my mother when I was a child, and… losing someone close to you like that… I just want you to know that I understand. It’s not something you ever get over entirely.”

He knew that her words would be different if she really knew. If she knew all of what he had done. -- _How could he mourn_ with _the same woman he was mourning_ for _? --_ But he wanted to believe her. To believe that she understood and she didn’t hold it against him.

Tears filled his eyes as he swallowed past his swollen throat. He nodded again. _How could he feel so understood by someone he_ knew _didn’t have all the information; someone he knew he had hurt so irreparably?_

Well, because it was Katara, of course. No one had ever understood his heart like she did. Even when she didn’t remember who he was apparently.

A quiet ‘thank you’ was all he could manage as he stared stunned at the floor between his feet.

After a long silence, Aang finally looked at Katara, letting his eyes roam over her face, drinking in this moment of being close to her. He knew that it couldn’t last, but wished with all his heart that it could.

“Katara,” he said her name like a caress. “You’ll never know how much this means to me.”

“I want to be here for you, Aang. I care about you…”

The air was heavy between them again. Heavy like it had been in the healing room. The same magnetic attraction bringing them together. Aang knew he wasn’t strong enough to escape Katara’s gravitational pull. He never had been. Especially when he really didn’t want to…

But luckily for him -- _for them both_ , he reminded himself -- no one had to rely on his willpower after all, as a loud groan from above interrupted them and a large shadow passed overhead. Then Appa landed in the courtyard with a heavy six-footed thud.

“Appa!” The joy on Katara’s face at seeing Aang’s oldest friend surprised him. Last time they had spoken about Appa, Katara hadn’t seemed to even remember the giant sky bison. 

Aang stood up quickly, snapping his fingers, “I almost forgot! I asked Appa to meet me here after the lesson. He’s been after me to… uh, _introduce_ you…” Aang looked away a little sheepishly. “He’s been really anxious to see you.”

“Really? To see _me_? I wonder why…?”

But just then a giant wet tongue lapped up the side of Katara’s face. She laughed in surprise and disgust before then turning into the great creature with a full two-armed hug. Aang watched as Appa nuzzled into her arms, letting out a contented sigh that sent Katara’s skirt rustling. Aang’s heart felt like it might burst when he saw that tears were running down Katara’s cheeks.

“I don’t… I don’t even know why I’m crying,” she laugh-cried as she continued to run her hands through Appa’s fur. “I just feel… I feel like somehow I missed you, Appa.”

Appa grunted in agreement.

“It just feels _so good_ to have you back in my life.”

Aang knew exactly how she felt.

………..

“Aang, can I ask you something?”

Aang looked down at his beautiful girlfriend from his place hanging upside-down within the branches of the persimmon tree and smiled widely, “Of course, Katara! Always!”

He couldn’t have been more than fourteen or fifteen at the time, jumping from branch to branch of the towering persimmon trees with a grace only an airbender could manage. He was using a sharp short-handled ice scythe to cut the soft red fruit from the tree’s precarious dangling edges. Katara stood washing with waterbending the fruit Aang floated down to her before loading it into a large basket already half-full of the ripe fragrant fruit.

While traveling through a small town perched on the feet of some of the tallest mountains in the southern earth kingdom, Aang and Katara had met an old woman who needed help harvesting her persimmons. The woman had lost her husband and two sons in the war, and was now getting too old to harvest the persimmon fruit in her orchard by herself. Aang and Katara, just being who they are, happily volunteered to stay for a day or two to help her pick the delicate fruit.

Katara fiddled with a persimmon in her hand. “Well, I wanted to ask you… About the time, you know, when I went with Zuko to find YonRa, the man who killed my mother...” Katara cleared her throat a little nervously, “Well, I was wondering if… well what if I had made a different choice that day. What if I had killed him?”

Aang swung upright on the branch and looked down considering her, “What if you had.”

“Well, I guess what I mean is, if I hadn’t held back, if I had killed him… would that have changed… how you feel about me?”

Aang grasped a last persimmon in his hand, cutting it from the branch as he floated down to the ground, handing it to Katara. Katara took it nervously, like she feared his response. 

“You think what? That I wouldn’t love you if you had?”

Katara bit her lip, her chin trembling slightly. “Maybe. Maybe that’s what I’ve been wondering.”

Aang took a few steps closer to her, took the fruit from her hand and set it in the basket. Then clasping her hands in his he said, “Katara, you knew how I felt about killing, about revenge when you left. But it was never really about _him_. More than anything, I feared what killing him would do to _you_.”

“And if I had killed him? If I had become _that_ kind of person?” Then as a whisper, “Could you have ever been with me then?”

“Oh Katara,” Aang said softly, pulling Katara gently into a hug and laying her head on his shoulder, “Me being with you was never conditional upon that. I would have been sorry. For him. For you. At the high cost for an empty prize. But I would have been here for you, no matter your choice.”

“But would you have forgiven me, Aang?”

“Forgiveness never would have been mine to give, Katara,” Aang said as he pulled back to look her in her watering eyes. “I would never have held it over you. Nobody is perfect. And I knew what you were feeling, how much you were hurting. I would have worried more that you would have trouble forgiving yourself.”

“But you would have – I mean could you have? – forgiven me, if I had?”

“Yes.” He said it with so much finality. “Katara, I would stand by you no matter what. That is what love is: to love the person, even if you don’t always love what they do. And you already know…” He had said the words to her hundreds of times before, but a hearty blush still sprung adorably to his cheeks. “I will _always_ love _you_ , Katara.”

Katara kissed him lightly, “Thank you, Aang. I needed to hear you say that.” Then pulling him into a hug she said, “And you know the same goes for you too, right? No matter what, I will always love you. There is nothing you could do that would change that.”

Aang could feel her words vibrating between them in their tight embrace, “And I hope that you can always love yourself too.”

……………


	7. Chapter 7

…………

“ _Done_ to her?! Why _I_ have done nothing to her. _You_ , on the other hand…?”

Aang concentrated on his breathing. Ironically, given fire is the element of passion, his firebending basics seemed to be his best tool in keeping a strait face right now. _Keep it together, Aang! This is not about you._

“I know where the fault lies.” Aang admitted freely, taking another deep breath. “But this is not about fault. I seek to restore her to her body, to her father and her brother.”

“Oh, and not to yourself?” Koh spat out with a cynical laugh. “And what makes you so _selfless_? Or perhaps you simply don’t want to play with your toy once you’ve broken her?”

Aang turned his back on the Face Stealer and covered his face with his hands, letting out a growl. Or maybe it was a sob. Some wild injured animal sound that sounded like agony.

Koh, scuttled rapidly around him, trying greedily to catch a glimpse of his pain, delight at the Avatar’s suffering clear on his face. But when Aang straitened and removed his hands, his face was once again a blank, no sign of his obvious inward torment on the outside.

In an even tone Aang said, “I’ll be taking her now…” He grasped Katara by the hand and began to pull her away. She followed him without protest.

Koh spoke, impatience flaring in his voice as he, once again, could not claim his most-desired prize. “Rumor reached my ears that the Avatar’s Love was wandering lost in the Fog of Lost Souls, and I, taking a _selfless_ risk, fished her out. But alas, she was like this already. Catatonic. No one home to give excuse for removing her lovely face…”

Aang for a moment was relieved. Inwardly he blanched to think what he would do if Koh had stolen Katara’s face.

The Face Stealer once again donned Ummi’s face and continued, slithering after them with staccato feet, “But honestly I have tired of the memories of the Avatar’s Loves. Her face would be no new reward.”

Aang continued to pull Katara to the exit. Koh’s words trailing after him.

“But of course you must know that taking her like this will gain you nothing, Avatar! No one home in the soul will likewise leave no one home in her body!”

Aang stopped in his tracks. Icy dread sliding into his gut. Without turning he spoke to the Face-Stealer. “What can be done?”

……………..

Chief Hakoda hated Ba Sing Se. The smell. The noise. The constant press of people invading his personal space. This place never stopped; it never breathed! Nowhere in the world made him miss home more than the mammoth Earth Kingdom capital city.

It had been several years since the Southern Water Tribe Chief had personally visited Ba Sing Se. Hakoda was an outdoorsman, a man of action more than a man interested in foreign political intrigue. And he had good delegates that he trusted, his own son, Sokka, being one of them. So he did not often feel it necessary to personally attend conferences like the one being held this week in the Earth King’s palace.

But this year was different. Hakoda admitted freely to himself that his attendance this year had far more to do with checking up on his daughter than any need for him to sit in on long-winded political meetings.

Hakoda had been worried about Katara. He understood why she had wanted to leave the South Pole. And part of him even thought it might be good for her, but he had observed his daughter since she had returned to Life, and he knew that her ailment was no where near as strait forward as they had originally believed.

Katara still had echoes, remnants of emotion, surrounding events she couldn’t remember. She hungered for resolution to grief she couldn’t recollect; she dealt with pain she couldn’t recall. Even the joy she had once had haunted her as it held for her a standard she could never seem to attain again. How did one truly erase the memory of a person who had been as inseparable from her as Aang had been? The two had hardly spent more than a few weeks apart in well over a decade. Katara’s identity had become so entwined with his, (and his with hers) that without him, or even the memory of him to hold on to, her sense of self had become shaky.

Hadoka was beginning to realize that one could not erase Aang without erasing a good portion of Katara with him.

Katara’s troublesome memory also led to frequent headaches and confusion, not to mention frustration at not being able to fulfill some responsibilities she had previously excelled at. For example, her pigeon-holed knowledge prohibited her from becoming a tribal leader – without her memory she could not make informed and wise decisions for the tribe. She had blamed her demotions on Hakoda, claiming it was his sexism that kept him from giving her more responsibility, and to a large degree he had let her think that, having no better excuse he could offer her. But the truth was, he believed in Katara and her abilities. But with each new slip of information she gleaned, with each attempt they made to help her piece her world together, she seemed to become more agitated, more dissatisfied, more despairing. So Hakoda had ordered a strict constraint on what people could tell her, restrictions on what information she was privy to and what she was not. Hakoda knew it was hard for the tribe, and it was hard for Katara, making it difficult for her to cultivate close relationships.

Katara’s forgotten past was holding her back from living her future.

Hakoda worried about her here in Ba Sing Se. What would she hear? And who would be around to help her process the information? What if her confusion got too much for her, as it had at times in the South Pole? Who would be her support and the “keeper of memories” for her?

As Hakoda and Sokka jostled their way onto the train from the Outer Wall, each of the Water Tribesmen standing nearly a head taller than anyone else on the train, these worries ran through Hakoda’s mind like an elephant-rat on a wheel, circling over and over as they had for the past two months. It was Sokka’s stomach that finally interrupted his worries.

“So Dad, what’s say we head to Little WaterTown first thing? Find ourselves some grub before we go find Katara.”

Hakoda, like his son, could always eat, and he liked the idea of some good Water Tribe food after their long travels through the Earth Kingdom. “Sounds good to me, Son.”

“Excellent! I know this little barbeque place that has the best tiger-seal kabobs this side of Gran Gran’s kitchen!”

As the two wandered through Little WaterTown, an area in Ba Sing Se’s lower ring where many of the city’s Water Tribe minorities had settled, Sokka pointed out and commented on the relative strengths and weaknesses of nearly every restaurant they passed. “That one caters to Earth Kingdom people – not very authentic. But oh! That place’s chef makes a mean caribou-meatloaf! Oooo, and this one is new -- We’ll have to come back later to taste the wares…”

As the two Tribesmen found the restaurant they were looking for and Sokka began ordering enough food for a small village, Hakoda overheard the owner talking with a couple of men gathered at the bar.

“…tattoos glowing! A wild look in his eyes like he had no control at all!”

“Come now, Quil, you mean to tell us the Avatar attacked your little girl and you fought him off? From what I’ve heard, once the Avatar starts glowin’ there’s gonna be no one left alive to tell about it!”

“I tell you it’s true! He nearly buried me alive in the stone beneath my feet, but I was too fast for him!” Hakoda noticed the small slip of a woman taking their order send the man, Quil, a quick disbelieving look before turning quickly back to her work. “I tell you the man was unhinged!”

At the mention of the Avatar, Hakoda’s mind was filled with memories of a smiling, gentle boy who under his own power wouldn’t hurt a fly; but memories of a raging monster of destruction soon followed. The images had always felt so incompatible, and yet, both were true. Hakoda loved Aang, and even though he had always found Aang’s philosophies and way of life a bit strange, he had always liked him. He felt sorry for how things had fallen apart for his former Son-in-law. But he knew Aang still wasn’t safe; frankly Hakoda believed that Aang would _never_ be safe. The separation between his daughter and the Avatar was a mercy really; Hakoda knew he was sparing Aang -- sparing him from burdens he would crumble under. And regardless, he simply wasn’t willing to gamble with Katara’s life. They had already lost too much as it was. As much as Hakoda still hoped for the best for the Airbender, he didn’t want him near his family. The Universe itself had made this clear.

Hakoda stood and approached the man, this Quil. “Hello, I couldn’t help but overhear a bit of your story,” Hakoda said as he gripped the man’s forearm in Water Tribe greeting. “Sounds like a riveting tale. Would you mind telling me, when was it you _fought off_ the Avatar?” A heavy skepticism lacing his words.

“Just last week!” The man boomed, clearly happy to have a fresh audience. “Right here in Ba Sing Se. Had to rescue my little girl from him! Some hair-brained waterbending _woman_ -instructor thought it a good idea to ask _the Avatar_ to teach her class; a children’s class! Can you imagine!? Who these days doesn’t know that the Avatar is dangerous?”

Hakoda and Sokka exchanged a knowing look. _Who indeed?_

Hakoda sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. “Why don’t you tell me again what happened, start from the beginning and take your time. I’d be fascinated to hear all about _the Avata_ r and this _woman waterbender_.”

………………

On hindsight Aang could admit to himself that maybe he wasn’t going about this the smartest way.

Maybe he shouldn’t have taken Katara flying on Appa that day after the botched waterbending lesson. He certainly shouldn’t have let her sit next to him on Appa’s head. 

Or let her steer.

Or taken her out to noodles afterwards.

…And maybe it wasn’t wise to have walked her back to her room at the faculty dorm.

Or accepted that glorious, lingering hug…

Okay so maybe _everything_ he’d done that day had broken the rules.

But none of it had seemed so wrong at the moment. When he was with Katara he felt like nothing had been so right in his life in years. He felt understood, he felt stable, he felt loved… On _hindsight_ it all seemed so reckless, so foolish! But at the time, it all just felt… _right_.

The problem is that Aang had always been very good at living in the moment. … And not so good at long term planning. Leading with his heart was how Aang had always lived his life. This was something he and Katara had both had in common.

Right now Aang wanted to run away. In fact, he had never wanted to run away more in his whole life: more than when he had run from being the Avatar as a boy, more than when he’d run from the stolen fire nation ship he woke up on after Azula’s lightning, more than when he was faced with the impossible question of killing Ozai…

But this time, he wanted to run away _with_ Katara. Just take her. The two of them and Appa just flying away, building a life somewhere together. Living _incognito_. Away from responsibilities and wary stares and angry ex-father-in-laws…

Away from a past that only one of the two of them would even remember.

This was Aang’s new guilty daydream. Dreaming of eloping away with Katara. Shunning the world that shunned him already. They could find a nice remote spot, one with lots of water, high in the mountains if he had his way. Maybe he’d build them a house. Raise a couple of kids…

Aang swallowed back his grief at this thought. They had already been well on their way to fulfilling that dream once. Not the house in the mountains or the running away part. But the kids.

Katara had been sure their baby was an airbender. Something about _‘no one else could possibly move around this much’_ … And Aang had hoped she was right. He had dreamed –literal dreams!— of teaching his child the forms that Gyatso and the other monks had taught him.

Shame rushed over him, a physical feeling of nausea slipping into his gut. Not only was he responsible for the extermination of the Airbenders over a hundred years ago; he had killed their future as well. Aang wanted to throw-up. _Who did he think he was?_ Traipsing around like a guiltless fraud – courting a woman he had damaged so permanently! Taking advantage of her ignorance.

It was sick of him to imagine a future with her. Especially when that future always depended on keeping up the lie, keeping Katara in the dark. Because if she knew…

Well, he really didn’t want her to know.

It made him sick to admit it. But he didn’t ever want Katara to know. What he had done. And what it had cost them. He certainly didn’t want to be the one to tell her. Because if she knew, if she saw him as he is, and she rejected him then… Aang felt nothing but shame for thinking it, but he was sure that if Katara rejected him now it would be his breaking point.

_“When you are driven mad, Avatar, come and see me again and we can... discuss, your options...”_

Aang shuttered.

 _Okay, no more Katara. None at all. I’m going to stay away from her completely_. These vows all sounded maddeningly familiar to promises he’d made before. Recently. They had more or less become his new mantra. The same mantra he had recited while subconsciously thinking of some excuse to see her again…

_Aghh! Okay Aang, focus!_

Right now he was motivated. And he wasn’t currently _with_ Katara -- He could think better when he wasn’t with her, under her enchanting spell. He _felt_ worse, but _thought_ more clearly.

Imagining himself being deep-fried by her father who was surely already in the city helped give him some semblance of foresight.

So now he would commit.

_No more Katara._

_Done._

_It’s decided._

_Yup._

Aang’s shoulders sagged. He knew he was doomed…

…………..

Sokka didn’t like the man’s story. For more than one reason.

He didn’t like hearing that Aang was still so unstable. He’d worried about his friend, and had hoped that by not hearing otherwise that Aang was getting better. Apparently not.

He also didn’t like that Aang was in touch with Katara. You would think in a city of over eight million people that it would be unlikely for Katara to run into the _one person_ she shouldn’t! You would think. If the Universe was ever on your side, that is.

Luck. Chance. Sokka didn’t believe in either, but he supposed he believed in them more than Destiny. _Ok_ , he decided, _then this was just lousy luck!_

Lousy luck, or perhaps one very stupid Avatar. Was Aang suddenly suffering from a convenient memory loss like his sister? Didn’t Aang remember what had been agreed upon?! The only thing worse than the Universe meddling was someone meddling who _ought_ to know better.

Their Dad had not brought up anything about what they had learned from the restaurant owner, Quil, to Katara. Hakoda may not have been a man who enjoyed politics, but he _was_ a man of strategy. Mentioning the affair to Katara would only result in more questions he couldn’t answer for her. Maybe lead to another breakdown. It would certainly kindle another fight at the very least; one he knew he was unlikely to make any headway in. No, Hakoda would take his qualms up with the weak link; Hakoda would take this up with Aang.

The interaction between Hakoda and Aang was likely to be awkward no matter what. As far as Sokka knew, the two had not spoken face to face since they had all left the North Pole. So even without this damning new evidence that Aang was stirring up trouble, it was probably going to be weird.

It was the morning of the first day of the World Convention and all the representatives were now gathering in the conference room in the Earth King’s palace; they were just milling around, chatting before the meeting started. With about a quarter of an hour left before the scheduled start time, Aang showed up clothed in his bright Air Nomad ceremonial robes. Sokka could see him glance nervously at his Dad.

For a man who looked like he wanted to hide, maybe Aang shouldn’t have worn so much _yellow_.

But despite looking more nervous than the day as a teenaged kid he had asked the big Water Tribe Chief for permission to marry his daughter, Aang approached Hakoda and extended his hand in Water Tribe greeting.

“Chief Hakoda, Sokka. Its good to see you.”

Aang’s eyes opened in surprise (or was that pain?) at the firmness of Hakoda’s grip on his arm.

“Aang.”

Even though Sokka knew that his dad was unlikely to bring up his qualm with Aang right now, it was clear that Hakoda had no intention of easing the poor Avatar’s nervousness either, as he stared him down with his steely blue eyes, still not releasing his arm. Even though Aang would have had no idea that they knew what they knew, Aang oozed guilt anyway while Hakoda stood in unmoving intimidation. 

…aaannnd Sokka had seen enough.

Clapping the two on the shoulders the announced, “Okay, well I’m just going to leave you two to catch up! If you need me I’ll just be over there scoping out the refreshment table…”

And with that Sokka left the awkward pair to their awkwardness.

As Sokka carefully piled his plate high – high enough to hopefully last through what promised to be a long, tedious meeting – a hard punch to his bicep nearly knocked his plate out of his hand. “Oh, hey Toph! Didn’t see you there.”

“Funny enough, I didn’t see you either.” She replied with a smirk as she piled her own plate with food.

“I didn’t know you would be here. What country are you representing today exactly?” Sokka teased.

“Oh me? Nah, I’m not here for the meeting. I just came for some grub.” Sokka heard her words, but also noticed the way she turn her head oh so slightly towards Aang and Hakoda, as though listening for something.

“Riiight. I guess Kuei’s security has gotten pretty lax these days – letting just _anyone_ in as long as they’re hungry, eh?”

Toph turned around and leaned back on the food table. “It would appear so.”

Sokka observed the little earthbender for a moment before turning and leaning on the table himself. “So why are you really here, Toph? You here as Aang’s bodyguard or something?”

“No. Just as a supportive friend.” Toph’s voice turned sugary sarcastic, “Gee, sure wish he had more of those these days.”

Sokka didn’t want to take the bait. “Toph, just drop it.”

“Drop what? The fact that you’re a back-stabbing coward?”

Sokka’s eyebrows pulled down, “I said drop it, Toph.”

“Drop the fact that you’ve turned on your best friend and tried to reinvent a new past for you sister?”

“We’ve been over this before. What’s done is done and it’s for the best.”

“Says who?! You?” Toph turned to face him, her bangs obscuring the intensity in her blind eyes. “Look, I’ve stood by Aang for the past three years and watched him slowly beat himself to death over a past that can’t be changed. So it happened. You all need to stop trying to act like it didn’t.”

Sokka’s temper flared, annoyed that thirty seconds into a conversation with Toph and it had already devolved into an argument. _Typical these days!_ he thought angrily. Trying to keep his voice down he replied. “So are you the one who spent months dragging your only sister back from the dead?”

“I was there too, Sokka…”

“Yeah, but Toph, you can’t understand. You would have to actually _care_ about someone besides yourself to get it.”

The flash of hurt on Toph’s face was covered quickly with a blank apathy. “Yup. You’re right Sokka. I clearly don’t care for anyone involved in this mess,” She said as she pushed off of the table. “I’ll just head back to my metal bending school and finish making that giant metal sculpture of _me_.” Then she muttered under her breath, “It’s easier than dealing with all you people’s baggage anyway.”

Sokka sighed and tried to stretch the stress kinks out of his neck as he watched Toph walk over to Zuko and butt unceremoniously in on the conversation the Fire Lord was having and whisper something to him. Zuko glanced at Aang and then over at Sokka and nodded. Then Toph walked out of the room.

 _Well this is off to a beautiful start_. Sokka thought exasperatedly. _Can’t wait to see how the rest of the week goes._

………………

Sokka could barely keep his eyes open against the hurricane winds. But he was not going to run away, not when his sister had just run _towards_ the hurricane’s source.

No sooner had Katara awoken in his lap with a pained groan from the hit she’d taken from one of these low-life earth-licking Omashu traitors (seriously! What kind of coward earthbends a pregnant woman! _But then, come to think of it_ , Sokka’s brain quickly put together the pieces, _his sister seemed to have been a_ target _, not just a casualty._ )

Sokka could see Aang in the sky at the center of the maelstrom. Sokka had tried to hold Katara back, but his sister had doggedly stood and moved toward her out-of-control husband. Sokka had seen Aang in the Avatar State before and it was terrifying nearly every time. But this, this was something else. The entire battle had screeched to a sudden halt in an instant as all had turned toward the raging Avatar, and then as one they had all turned away, trying desperately to flee from him.

Except for his sister, of course. She ran _towards_ him. Katara had never known what was good for her.

Sokka didn’t know how Katara was even able to move forward; it was all he could do to cling to the ground where he was, hoping not to be flung violently backward. But Katara walked forward, one arm wrapped around her heavy belly as she screamed Aang’s name.

Then it happened, Sokka saw the terrifying face of the Avatar turn on her, his eyes a blinding white rage. With barely a wave of his hand the ground rolled upon her, like a scroll that suddenly had lost its paper weights. Sokka could see Katara cradle her arms around her pregnant belly right before she disappeared from sight, buried in rocks.

Sokka couldn’t believe it. Sokka had seen many unbelievable sights in his life – people-stealing panda monsters, swamps that regaled its visitors with harrowing hallucinations, a madman in the act of burning the world – but he hadn’t disbelieved anything he was witnessing as much as seeing _Aang actually attack Katara_. He knew Aang, and he knew his worshipful adoration of his sister. Sokka frankly would have believed in a world without tides before he would have ever imagined the scene before him to be real.

As Sokka ran forward he vaguely noticed the winds dying down, and in his peripheral vision he saw a streak of yellow and orange that he knew to be Aang fall from the sky, but Sokka’s focus was solely on Katara. He was afraid that if he looked away from where she had gone under he would never find her again!

Sokka’s fingers were bleeding before he finally pulled away enough rock to see any part of her. He then swore and dug faster.

The image he unearthed would be forever burned in his memory – an unconscious Katara, a red bloody mess, curled entirely upon herself in a last futile attempt to protect the baby inside her.

Much of what happened after that felt like he experienced it in a dream.

Others arrived to help. Thank the Spirits for Nigoda, the waterbending healer who had been traveling with them. The Healer had skid to a halt by Sokka’s shoulder stared down stricken at Katara’s broken body, then looked up over the carnage all around before looking back at Katara. The old woman’s eyes glanced down at Katara’s swollen belly before resolve solidified in her eyes and she ripped the oasis water from around her neck, bringing the water out swirling and glowing to Katara’s profusely bleeding head.

A long moment passed.

Sokka nearly cried when he finally saw Katara’s chest rise in a breath.

Someone came with a stretcher. His father arrived -- the despair in Hakoda’s eyes something Sokka hadn’t seen since the day his mother died.

As Sokka stood, lifting his sister up to move her to somewhere more private -- Katara still needing extensive healing -- he had looked out over the battlefield. What had once been a narrow wooded path was now a large clearing; trees unnaturally unearthed and half-buried littering the space like a village of tent poles after a blizzard. A brushstroke of orange robes laid ten yards away.

No one had attempted to approach the fallen Avatar, no one daring.

Sokka had looked at Aang for a moment longer, before then turning his back and helping to carry his sister away.

……..


	8. Chapter 8

…………

Aang stopped in his tracks. Icy dread sliding into his gut. Without turning he spoke to the Face-Stealer. “What can be done?”

Although he had not turned to face Koh, Aang could hear the renewed smile in his voice, “Ah, well I suppose I _can_ help you… I mean I am _able_ , if that is what you are asking. A little skill I picked up from my _Mother._ I suppose you could say that we are both in the business of faces. Identity. Of memories, if you will. I _can_ restore her…”

Aang waited for the catch.

“I can restore her forgotten self, her memories. She will remember everything… everything but _you_ , that is.”

Aang’s spine stiffened. _What?!_ But then something of the wicked justice of it seemed to settle in his heart. _Yes. Perhaps it would be best this way…_

“We both know it would be a _mercy_ to her really.” Koh crooned, his voice slimy with duplicity. Aang hated how the words echoed his own thoughts. “We both know she is better off without you…”

Aang knew he was right, even as it broke his heart in two.

He swallowed down the tears that threatened to break his façade. “Do it.”

Koh pulled Katara back around, bringing her too close to him. As he dragged her shoulders back and tipped her face up to his, placing his sharpened talons on her forehead, Aang stopped him, “Wait! What’s in it for you?... We both know you do nothing without a cost.”

Koh looked over Katara’s shoulder at him, his face once again that blood-red smiling mask. “Oh I consider this an investment. When you are driven mad, Avatar, come and see me again and we can... discuss, your options...”

Katara’s mouth opened in a silent scream as her memories flooded back into her soul.

…………

Sometimes Zuko wished he could scream.

Scream and yell and throw fire around in a tantrum like the good old days when he was searching for the Avatar as the banished son of a Father who had sent him on an impossible quest.

The tantrums had never accomplished much, he knew that; but they had sure felt good sometimes -- a way to release a bit of the seeming endless stress and anger in his life.

Now, as Fire Lord, he had to act with decorum, always mature, controlled, _demure_ even. He was the Lord of a nation after all. But when he looked at the distracted Avatar across from him he wanted to lite Aang’s chair on fire.

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on with you?”

“Huh?” Aang turned his attention from staring pensively into the fire to Zuko as though he hadn’t noticed him sitting across the long desk. The two were in Zuko’s private study in the house provided for the Fire Lord in Ba Sing Se’s upper ring. They were supposed to be discussing the information they had received at the conference today, and deciding best how to bring up their responses for tomorrow’s sessions. But the Avatar was distracted (more so than usual even), and Zuko was getting annoyed.

Aang sat up straighter, pretending like his mind wasn’t elsewhere. “Going on with me? Oh, nothing’s, uh, going on… with me…”

Zuko huffed, barely keeping smoke from accompanying his forcefully exhaled breath as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “Aang, enough. I know you haven’t heard a word I’ve said. And I don’t think you were paying attention earlier at the conference today either. What is it?”

Aang’s shoulders drooped before he stood and walked to look out the large second-story window.

Zuko set aside the calligraphy brush he had been writing with -- he was getting nowhere with this letter anyway -- and stood to look out the window as well. Clearing his throat he spoke again, “Aang, what’s wrong?”

“Beyond the usual, you mean? Beyond the current state of my life?”

Zuko knew more intimately about what Aang was dealing with than most. He and Aang had become good friends in the years following the end of the war; but since the time Aang lost Katara, and Zuko had sought Aang out, helping him to return to some semblance of a normal life, the two had become even closer. Zuko never felt like he was good at saying the right things, and so they didn’t always _talk_. But it was clear through Zuko’s actions that he wanted to help. There was a mutual understanding between the two that didn’t require too much to be said.

So it was a little awkwardly that Zuko continued. “ _You_ tell _me_. Is there something _beyond the usual_?”

Aang sighed. “Just some things have happened lately. Some things that have reminded me how… _empty_ I feel.”

Zuko’s eyes glanced at Aang from the side, wary of bringing up the topic, but feeling like he should. “Have you… thought any more about what we talked about last time you were in the Fire Nation?”

Aang barked a sarcastic laugh, “About _dating_? Come on, Zuko, you know I’m not ready for that.”

Zuko felt annoyed. “Do I? Seems to me that if we leave it up to you, you won’t ever feel ready.”

“Maybe I won’t ever _be_ ready. We both know I’m not exactly _safe_ to date anyway.”

“Says you, Aang. But you’ve done so well lately. And we both know you can’t put it off forever... You need to think about moving forward, moving past the past.”

The Airbender was now standing with his arms crossed and jaw set. “ _Dating_ is not going to do that for me.”

“Maybe it could, Aang. You never know.”

“Like last time, Zuko? When I let you bully me into going on a date with… what was her name?”

“Uh…Lora Lai, I think.”

“Yeah, her. Well we both know what a raving success _that_ was.”

Zuko admitted that Aang’s mental wellbeing had taken a hit after attending a Fire Nation banquet with a woman Zuko’s advisors had recommended as a suitable escort for him. The girl had been beautiful, and from a very prestigious family, who, despite the Avatar’s recent history, did not object to their daughter being matched with him. Aang had agreed to the whole thing only begrudgingly. As the evening began, the two had seemed to get along better than expected. However, despite the evening’s promising beginning, apparently the date hadn’t progressed as well. From what Zuko could glean from Aang’s later distraught recounting of events, apparently Lora Lai had been a bit too forward, springing a kiss on Aang out in the hallway. Startled, Aang had airbended her away, knocking her to the ground. Zuko had listened on his own balcony that night as Aang recounted the event, agonizing that he felt like a cheater (despite Zuko’s reminding him that he _wasn’t committed to anyone anymore_ ), Aang stating that the whole thing made him feel more alone than ever.

So Zuko had left the subject alone for a while. Hadn’t broached the topic again… until now.

Zuko crossed his arms matching the defiance in Aang’s stance. “You know you can’t put it off forever, Aang. Maybe opening up to being with someone again could help you find the balance you’ve been missing.”

Aang shot him a disparaging look as Zuko continued, “And you know that none of this has changed what the world needs… eventually.”

Aang looked at Zuko as though he was supremely offended. “Really, Zuko?! You too?”

Although Zuko respected Aang, one thing Zuko would never understand was Aang’s propensity to run from his problems. Zuko never ran. He looked his problems in the face, overcoming them by grit and sheer will.

Zuko’s temper began to flare. “Look Aang, all I’m saying is that perhaps fulfilling your duty might bring more relief than you think. It’s not good for you to be alone.” He didn’t say it out loud, but they both knew his meaning was two-fold: if Aang married again, he would have a companion by his side, and eventually, someday have Airbending children as well. He wouldn’t have to be the Last Airbender forever.

Aang looked down at his feet as Zuko continued. “Don’t think I don’t understand, Aang. You know the kind of pressure I was under to provide an heir before Izumi was born. But as much as it bothered me, they weren’t wrong.”

Zuko looked away from Aang before speaking the name that he knew was always on Aang’s mind. “And Katara isn’t an option for you anymore. You need to move on.”

Aang closed his eyes tight, as though willing away the unpleasant truth.

Zuko’s opinions on how things had gone down between his two friends were less _personal_ than most of the others. Katara was not his sister. She hadn’t been his wife. Nor, even, was she a projection of a past spent as the hidden blind daughter of rich parents. Zuko didn’t blame Aang on a personal level for the tragedy, nor did he feel that Aang needed to pay penance for what had happened. Zuko had learned a great respect, even fear, of the Spirits from his Uncle and his upbringing in the Fire Nation, and frankly Zuko felt that if there is blame to be placed, it was on them. But having grown up in the Fire Nation, a place that still very much believed in the Spirits, his inclination was to leave them alone. Whispers of the dread Face Stealer had been in Fire Nation lore for thousands of years. Discovering that the Spirit was indeed real had been unnerving for Zuko, bringing to life unsettling fears from his childhood. In his opinion, it was best to leave this alone. Zuko believed that any attempts to interfere with what had happened to Katara’s memory was not worth meddling with the Spirits. It was a tragedy that had led to Katara’s current state, but Zuko’s main concern was Aang and how he was to best move on from this misfortune.

After some time Zuko moved away from the window and put another log on the fire, stoking it with his firebending. Despite the heat of the summer, Zuko always found fire in the hearth soothing.

Aang spoke from behind him. “I’ve seen Katara. A few times actually.”

Zuko looked up at Aang in surprise.

Aang looked guiltily at the Fire Lord, “Katara has moved to the city. She’s teaching waterbending at the university. I didn’t mean to find her. At first we just chanced to run into each other…”

“At first…?”

Aang took a big breath letting it out slowly, “But I didn’t leave her alone like I should have. She asked me to help her teach a waterbending class with her.”

Zuko looked at Aang, unsure how to feel about this unfolding news. “And?”

“Well it was fine at first; it was great actually. But then one of the parents got upset, you know, because _I_ was there. And he confronted Katara about it. He grabbed her. And I… well I lost control of my bending. Again.”

At the look of concern on Zuko’s face Aang continued quickly, “Nothing too crazy happened. No one was hurt.” Aang hung his head in shame, “But I was not in control.”

Zuko let out a disappointed sigh, the story further evidence supporting his conclusion that Aang needed to stay away from Katara. “I’m sorry, Aang. Things seemed to have been so much better lately.”

The Airbender plopped himself dejectedly onto the sofa facing the fire. “It had _seemed_ so.”

Zuko sat down next to Aang. “Do Sokka and Chief Hakoda know?”

“I don’t think so. I don’t know why they would. But you know how the Water Tribe community is here. Despite it being a sprawling city, they all seem to know each other. And Hakoda did seem ready to skin a blue-arrowed hide for his wall today at the conference. At first I thought it was just because, well, for the same old reasons. But then I started to worry that his intensity seemed pretty fresh. Maybe he knows something…?”

Zuko blew at a hair hanging in his face, his topknot having already been let loose for the evening. “Not good, Aang. Are you trying to start an international incident here or something? You know I can’t get involved if the Water Tribes pick a fight with you.”

“I know. I don’t think it’ll come to that. I’ll do what I can to keep this ‘in the family’, so to speak.” A small, sad smile flashed at the corner of his mouth. “Sometimes I wonder if the Chief’s sad excuse for an ex-son-in-law will ever stop disappointing him.”

Zuko looked at Aang, his eyebrow pulled low. “Aang, I know this has been hard. I mean, I know it is _still_ hard. But it’s not hopeless. You can move past this.”

Aang tipped his head back on the sofa, looking up at the ceiling.

Zuko cleared his throat and looked into the flames. “You know when I first became Fire Lord… how I, uh, struggled… with my uh… issues. Regarding my Father…” For someone whose emotions were often so apparent, it was a surprisingly difficult struggle for Zuko to discuss certain personal feelings. “Well, I couldn’t seem to find resolution there, no matter how many times I replayed what could have been, what _should_ have been. Where it had all gone wrong. Always wondering ‘ _if only_...’ Even trying to speak with my Father… find some resolve. Well, none of that helped. No returning to the past could bring healing. Eventually, I just had to move forward. Leave the regrets, the offenses, the broken pieces behind me.”

Zuko turned towards Aang. “Nothing can change what happened to Katara. But you have to leave the past behind you. Move forward.”

Aang’s eyebrows rose in humility, “How?”

Zuko pinned Aang with a determined look as he ordered, “No more seeing Katara. No more torturing yourself with what once was, but can’t be anymore. As Uncle would say, ‘Old paths don’t lead to new destinations’.”

Aang nodded his head in defeat. “Okay. I’ll try.” But then smiling slightly, “…starting the day after tomorrow, of course.”

“What? Why not starting now?”

“Well Katara will be presenting at tomorrow’s morning session.”

Zuko dropped his head in his hand with a sigh. Sometimes he just felt like screaming.

……………

Before Aang had even entered the conference room the next morning, Chief Hakoda called him over for a private conversation in the broad hallway leading to the meeting room. As the others streamed through the large doors, Hakoda led Aang to the side next to a large window.

“Avatar Aang, I wanted to speak with you for a moment, before we get started today.”

Aang looked at Hakoda, noticing how the lines on his face seemed more pronounced than they used to, as though the stress of the last several years had taken an especially large toll on him. “Of course. What can I do for you Chief Hakoda?”

The formalities between them felt like a farce. But somehow there was safety in the distance the titles gave, as though it could somehow erase the ways they had once been family.

Hakoda nodded a greeting to a couple of representatives as they walked passed them before pinning Aang with his steely blue eyes. “Well I felt it only fair that I let you know that I know about you and Katara.”

Aang’s eyes widened. _What_ did he know?

Aang tried to hedge, “What do you mean?”

“I mean that I know that you’ve been in contact with her again.”

Hakoda waited a moment to let this knowledge sink in. “And I want to remind you that you are not to interfere with Katara. She doesn’t need you coming into her life and… _muddying_ her clean start.”

The analogy made Aang feel dirty. Katara had often called him the ‘sunshine of her life’. Now he was just a grimy nuisance.

The contrast made him feel defensive. “I didn’t do anything, Hakoda. I promise I didn’t mean…”

Hakoda cut him off, “I know about what happened at the university, about how you lost control of yourself. Clearly you are still… unstable. And I want you to stay away from my daughter. Do you understand?”

Hakoda’s sway over the Avatar in this situation had very little to do with actual intimidation; it was more that Hakoda was a real life reminder of Aang’s guilt; someone to speak the words the Airbender was already thinking anyway. Hakoda was little more than a physical rendition of Aang’s own conscience. A reminder of his duty.

Aang met the Chief’s gaze. “I understand.”

“I hope you do. And I’ll be watching.” Hakoda reached out and patted Aang’s shoulder. “I’ll be heading in now, son.”

 _Son_. The familiarity of the word, although Aang knew it had been used in a general sense here, made his heart ache for the relationship these two men had once had. It wasn’t by blood. But it had been close. And at one time they had both been joyously anticipating the child that would have linked their blood ties permanently.

Aang stood a moment longer in the hallway before reluctantly turning to enter the conference room. _This day wasn’t going to be easy…_

…………..

It was hard not to notice the way Katara perked up when Aang walked into the room. She sat up straighter and pretended not to stare at him, flicking her hair annoyingly over her shoulder every thirty seconds. 

And Aang’s attempts to pretend like he didn’t notice her were equally pathetic. Sokka had looked at the ceiling, and he knew it wasn’t _that_ interesting.

Sokka sighed in exasperation.

Katara had not shut up about Aang since the minute he and Hakoda had arrived in the city. Thank goodness Katara had opted to stay in her own dormitory room at the university, despite Hakoda’s repeated invitation for her to join he and Sokka at the house provided by the King for the Southern Water Tribe representatives. Otherwise Sokka was sure he would’ve gone bonkers listening to her talk about _the Avatar_.

It was hard to listen to. For more than one reason…

Past the obvious oogies, it was hard to see how infatuated she was already. It was hard to know it was damned before the start. It was hard knowing what she didn’t…

The more Katara talked about Aang, the more Sokka could see his Father’s jaw clench harder. Sokka did NOT envy Aang the next time Hakoda found him…

Frankly, Sokka couldn’t understand why his old buddy couldn’t have just left well enough alone. Reading between the lines he could tell that Aang was not all at fault – he knew the determination of his sister and she could be hard to evade if she wanted something; but there was no way NOT to put the responsibility for this squarely on the shoulders of Avatar Aang. _He_ knew better.

In all of her blabbering, Katara hadn’t mentioned how Aang had lost control of the Avatar State during her waterbending lesson. _Hmmm, how convenient._ So Sokka knew that despite her constant prattle about him, she was keeping at least _some things_ to herself. Sokka worried about what other interactions with Aang she was keeping to herself…

Sokka could see Aang near the head of the room, talking with one of the Earth King’s advisors. When Sokka looked back towards Katara, he heard her sigh, her eyes on the Avatar from under her dark lashes as she played with a bit of her hair over her shoulder. _Blagh! This was worse than the two of them as twitter-pated teenagers!_

Hakoda had asked Sokka to keep an eye on Katara during the meeting, but this was awful to watch (Sokka tried to pretend it was just the oogies making him feel uncomfortable, and not the deeper, sadder tragedy of it all). In an effort to ignore his sister, Sokka turned away from her just in time to receive a heavy punch on the arm.

“Ow!” Sokka said as he rubbed his sore bicep. “Toph, why is it your greetings have to be so painful?”

“Are they? Or are you just a wimp?”

“Har, har.” Sokka smirked at his old partner in crime, “I don’t see any food table today – so why are you here this time?”

Toph smiled arrogantly, “Oh I’m here to tell everyone how awesome my metal-bending school is these days.”

“Oh right, this is the education session or whatever.” Hence his sister being here mooning over the Avatar back there.

“So everything at your school going alright then, Toph?”

Toph’s smirk widened, “Of course! _I’m_ the headmaster, after all!”

“Right,” Sokka laughed, “How could I forget that everything thrives under the golden metal touch of the Great Toph BeiFang?”

“Darn straight!” Toph bragged lifting her chin high.

“So does this mean we back on speaking terms then?” Sokka asked. “You’re not mad at me anymore?”

Toph crossed her arms, “Oh no I’m still mad at you. But I can _compartmentalize_. Isn’t that what you expect us all to do anyway, right?”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh you know, how you all seem to want us to put a whole person in a box, as you try to _compartmentalize_ her history.”

Sokka let out a groan. “Toph, for real! Will you give it a rest!?”

“Hence why I’m compartmentalizing. So I can still be social with you while simultaneously wanting to sink you three floors under.” Toph spoke with a sarcastic sugary smile as she turned to leave, “Enjoy your session, Sokka!”

Sokka rubbed his arm again as he grit his teeth. He really hated being on _that girl’s_ bad side. But as he turned back to his job of babysitting Katara, he gawked in exasperation. Katara had gotten up from her seat and was headed toward Aang!

Sokka glanced at his father who was speaking with another representative, but had seen where Katara was heading as well. Hakoda looked at Sokka and tipped his head in Katara’s direction, sending Sokka after her to head her off.

Sokka watched as Aang smiled nervously at Katara as she approached. Aang rubbed the back of his head, sending wary glances at Hakoda as he tried to look occupied. _Time to go rescue the kid_.

Sokka skipped up quickly beside his sister, looping his arm around her shoulders and directing her in the other direction. “Oh Katara! We’re about to start and I believe our seats are _over there_ …”

“Sokka! I just wanted to say ‘Hi’ to Aang before the session starts…”

“Riiight, about that…” Sokka looked at his sister as he continued to steer her to their seats. “Look Katara. Aang. He’s not good for you. You should stay away from him.”

Katara pulled back in affront, “What?! Why would you say that?”

“Trust me.” Sokka quickly shut his eyes as the image of an unconscious Katara delivering a dead baby girl forced its way into his mind. “I just know.”

Katara stopped walking and put her hands on her hips, “Well _I_ disagree! Aang is kind and funny and goodhearted…”

“Katara, you barely even know him.”

“But I know deep inside that there is something… special about him.” For some reason she started to tear up.

Sokka stepped back towards Katara and took her by the elbow speaking in a hurried whisper, “Listen, can we just talk about this _later_ , please?”

It just so happened that the meeting was being called to order anyway. Katara harrumphed as she went to her seat, turning her body angrily away from Sokka as he sat next to her.

The room had tall open windows and a long table arranged in a circle surrounding a large stone map. The seats were arranged so that everyone could be seen and heard equally.

Perfect.

Just the kind of room you wanted when trying to awkwardly avoid eye-contact with half the people present. 

Sokka looked past his angry sister at his Dad on her other side. Hakoda sat back in his chair with his arms crossed and countenance foreboding. Across the circle Aang looked like he wanted to disappear as he awkwardly tried to look anywhere but in the direction of the Southern Water Tribers. Sokka glanced at Toph who, even with nonworking eyes, always managed to portray exactly how annoyed she was with him, even from a distance. Sokka turned his face to the Fire Nation representatives. _Was Zuko scowling at him?!_ Oh wait, naw. On second look Sokka could see that it was just Zuko’s usual scowl. Phew, one member of Team Avatar who wasn’t mad at him! Sokka patted himself on the back about that. He supposed he would just have to deal with one angry, one defiant, one avoiding, and one just generally surly.

Sokka thought cynically to himself: _Sounds pretty par for the course for this group anyway, amiright?_

…………..

Figuring out how to look interested, but not _interested_ , in Katara as she gave her presentation about the new Waterbending School was one of the trickier exercises Aang had ever attempted.

Especially when she looked so beautiful. She had worn a flower in her hair and without meaning to, Aang slipped into a daydream imagining too vividly how nice her hair would smell… and how soft it would be in his fingers…

Toph kicked him under the table from her place at his side. “Quit drooling already!”

Aang wiped hastily at his mouth. “Was I?!” he answered in mortification.

“How should I know?!” she whispered. “But you might as well be. Just try to look politely interested will you!”

Aang tried that. But he wasn’t sure if he was pulling it off. No better way to make an awkward expression than by concentrating too hard not to.

As Katara stood talking passionately about the work being done at the university to serve Ba Sing Se’s Water Tribe community, Aang didn’t know where to put his eyes. Kind of like how he hadn’t known where exactly to put his hands in his first slow dance with Katara when they were kids. A goofy smile slipped its way onto his face at the memory. Before he caught a pointed look and a slight headshake from Sokka.

_Monkey-feathers! This was awful._

Aang let out a sigh of relief when at long last Katara’s presentation was over and Toph rose to give hers.

As Katara took her seat she looked his way and he smiled encouragingly at her. Then caught the eye of her father sitting at her right and looked hastily down at his lap.

_Okay. No smiling then._

Aang couldn’t recall a meeting in his life he had wanted to end more than this one -- and he had attended a staggering number of dull meetings. This one hadn’t been dull. Just awkward in a way that reminded him of the physical exams Sister Lio gave them every year at the Autumn Festival: all the boys having to wait in a line outside, undressed down to their small clothes while the nuns all practiced their bending forms in the practice field nearby.

Toph’s presentation was short and to the point, and when it was over the session was adjourned. The attendees would now all head into the dining hall for a light lunch before continuing for the afternoon session. Aang slumped in his chair with a heavy exhale. Why did he feel like he’d just finished a punishing no-bending workout with Suki? All this duplicity was exhausting.

Aang lingered in the conference room as the others filed out, only a few individuals deep in conversation remaining in the room. When he finally picked himself out of his chair and made his way out the door he was surprised to have Katara step up beside him.

“Hey Aang!” She greeted brightly; she must have been waiting for him.

Aang rubbed at the back of his neck, tying to hide how startled he was. “Oh hey, Katara!” his eyes darted from left to right to be sure no one would catch him talking with her. “You did a great job on your presentation today!”

Katara’s cheeks colored slightly, “Thanks. I’m just grateful I could represent the school. I worried that maybe I wouldn’t be able to after the administration called me in to discuss what happened at our waterbending lesson that day. But once I explained, and I promised not to invite guest teachers without first applying for clearance, they let it slide.” She smiled up genially at Aang. “So all I have to do for next time you come teach is ask permission first.”

Aang fumbled, “Oh… right. Next time…”

Katara continued brightly, “You really have a gift for teaching, Aang. And the children loved you.” Then blushing a little deeper she added, “And I loved spending the time with you.”

Aang had loved it too. More than he should. But he tried to redirect the conversation. “Those kids are great. They are lucky to have you as their teacher – I’ve never had a better Sifu than you!”

Katara looked at him a little puzzled. “I’ve never taught you before, Aang.”

Aang’s eyes widened in surprise at his slip. “Oh! Right! You’re absolutely right. You _seem_ like you’d be great. I mean, when would you have taught me, right? Couldn’t have been. Nope. My waterbending master was… someone else. Entirely.” Aang cleared his throat awkwardly. _Mr. Smooth strikes again,_ he thought mentally beating himself.

But Katara just bobbed up and down on her toes as she changed the subject “You know, they always have a gala at the end of these conferences. A big affair with a fancy dinner and dancing.”

Aang felt a little concerned. _Where was she going with this?_ “Sure. I’ve been before.” he replied.

“Well,” Katara said coyly, her hands clasped behind her back adorably, “do you like to dance?”

Aang’s throat felt dry, his voice coming out like a squeak, “Dancing? Oh sure…”

Katara’s smile widened, her blue eyes clear and hopeful, “Well I was wondering… if you would like to go? To the gala, you know, with me?”

“Oh!” Aang felt like the floor had just dropped out from under him; a crazy concoction of differing emotions battering around in his chest like a trapped wolfbat. He had no idea what to say. “Well, you see… um, I can’t.”

The disappointment on her face hurt him. “You can’t? … Why not?”

But before Aang could come up with something to respond Katara asked, “Are you… are you already going with someone else?”

Aang pounced on that like Momo on a cave-popper. “Yes! Yes, that’s it. I’m seeing someone. Right now. So I already have a… a date to the, um, the thing.”

Aang could see Katara bite her lip, her disappointment more heartbreaking than Aang thought he could handle. “Oh. I didn’t know you were in a relationship right now. I guess I… I never asked.”

“I’m sorry,” Aang offered, wishing he could bring back her smile from a moment ago.

“So who is it?”

“Who’s who?” Aang asked confused.

“Who is it? Who are you dating? Do I know her?”

Aang hadn’t thought this far in advance. Scrambling he looked around. He just caught a glimpse of the back of a black-bunned blind bandit at the buffet table in the dinning room.

“It’s Toph,” he blurted, inwardly cringing, knowing that Toph would kill him for this.

“Toph?!” Katara took a step backward in surprise.

“Yeah, Toph! She and I... we’ve been, uhhh, seeing each other for a while now. (Well, I guess she can’t see, I mean without her feet...)” He tried to swallow his groan. He felt tongue-tied and twelve again. “So yeah -- Toph and me. Me and her. We’re going together. As a couple.”

Katara’s eyebrows furrowed, “I never would have put you two together. I mean, I never would have expected…” She let the sentence drift off, a deep red blush climbing up her face. “Well I’m sorry. Just forget I said anything.”

And with that she headed into the dining room, turning her back quickly on Aang. But not so quick that he missed the small tremble in her chin.

Aang’s hands dropped dejectedly to his sides with a sad sigh.

Deciding to skip lunch, he went back to the conference room and grabbed his glider before leaping out the window. As he flew away dread began building in his chest. He certainly hadn’t thought this through. How would Toph react to his lie? He wondered what it would feel like to be buried in an avalanche. Eventually he concluded that an _actual_ avalanche might be preferable to her anger…

_Oh Toph is going to seriously make me regret this!_

…………….


	9. Chapter 9

…………

Aang’s body sat in lotus position, fists together, the tattooed line on his head glowing even through the short shock of hair he had let grow in his self-neglect. His eyes an eerie white stare.

A small knot of healers stood at the Oasis. Katara lay in the water, all but her face submerged, her eyes shut in the same silence that had sent Sokka to find the Avatar and demand his help.

Chief Hakoda stood, arms crossed, eyes locked on his daughter. Sokka paced nearby, his hand on his sword hilt as though he itched to strike something.

All were silent. Silent and waiting.

Suddenly both Aang and Katara gasped awake at the same time. Katara sitting up so suddenly that the healers hardly had time to grab her shoulders and arms before she sank deeper into the pool. Sokka and Hakoda both were at her side in a moment, pulling her into a wet embrace. Aang floated to standing, fighting his instinct to hug them too; instead opting to watch from several paces back as the small Water Tribe family tearfully reunited. Aang choked back tears of his own, mourning the loss of his own place in this family.

Long moments later, the group rose to take Katara away, get her some dry clothes and a place to rest. Her eyes fell on Aang… and then skimmed past him as though she had not even seen him, no recognition in her eyes.

Koh had been true to his word. Katara didn’t know him.

…………..

The sun was getting low on the horizon as Aang flew over the city. He had absorbed less of the afternoon session of the conference than even the day before. All he could think about was how he needed to get to Toph and explain what he had done.

She wasn’t going to like it.

But better she hear it from him, than from someone else, right?

Aang was already talking as he swooped into her room, his glider snapping closed before his feet even touched the ground. “Toph! We gotta talk. I got myself into a problem because I told Katar….”

Aang nearly choked on his tongue as he saw who was in the room. There with Toph was none other than Katara herself. “Oh! Katara! I… didn’t know you… didn’t know you would be here!”

The two girls had both looked up (well Toph just turned her ear his way), startled at his sudden entry. Katara hopped to her feet, suddenly looking rather uncomfortable.

“Oh Aang! I didn’t know you would… I mean, I don’t mean to get in the way… I guess I should have expected you to come here, right?” Her stuttering was almost as bad as his and her blush almost as red under her dark skin.

Aang was mortified. Had Katara already told Toph what he had said? Had Toph set her strait: that the two of them were DEFINITELY not dating? Or did Toph still not know?

Toph turned her head from one side to the other, apparently listening for someone to speak and break the awful awkwardness in the room. Eventually she did it herself.

“Right. So here you are, Aang. Don’t be alarmed Katara; Aang always flies into my bedroom. No need to walk through the front door when this is the destination anyway, eh, Twinkletoes?”

No way Toph knew the lie. He knew her well enough to know that she would never willingly lean in like this to the idea of the two of them being in a relationship. Aang suspected that right now she probably just wanted to embarrass him.

“But no need to help me out of my dress today, Aang...”

Aang could hear that Toph was going for humor; probably enjoying the fact that she could humiliate him in front of Katara. But given the lie he had told Katara earlier today, his stomach churned thinking about how Katara would read the situation. Technically he knew this ought to be good, bolstering the lie. But he couldn’t stand the way that Katara’s eyebrows pulled down, pain in her expression.

“It’s not like that!” Aang stammered, “It was just the buttons... I mean Toph and me, aren’t… committed. We’re just casual.”

Katara’s eyebrows pulled down further, this time in accusation. “Casual?!”

“No, not that sort of casual! I mean we’re very serious. Seriously dating. But just casual about our… serious dating…” He petered off. This was not going well.

Toph had turned toward him in surprise. It didn’t look like pleasant surprise.

Aang stomped on the ground once, using earthbending to etch one word into the stone floor behind his feet. Toph’s jaw set angrily, but she refrained from contradicting him, despite the fact that he could see in her stiff body language that she was dying to do so.

Katara looked from Toph to him and back, her expression calculating. Until she finally cleared her throat and said, “Well I guess I ought to be going. Toph, thanks for spending the afternoon with me. It was fun. A spa day just like old time’s sake.” Then turning her body stiffly towards Aang she said, “Goodbye Aang. I guess I’ll see you both at the banquet tomorrow.”

And with that she let herself out of the room, her shoulders back proudly in what Aang knew was a false show of confidence. He could read her like a book, even now.

“Goodbye Katara,” he said to the empty doorway.

Both Toph and Aang stood still, feeling her footsteps go down the stairs, lead out the front door, and eventually go out the front door and grow further away. Both waited a long held breath longer, assuring that she was out of range. Then without warning Toph turned on Aang and stomped the ground hard, sending a mean stone spike up from the floor at his feet. “You!” She growled. But Aang had anticipated the attack and used the spike as a springboard, launching him into the air.

“Toph wait! Let me explain!” Aang tried to defend as he darted quickly, from bench to chair to tabletop, barely touching each before moving on to another, staying off the ground, keeping Toph guessing at his location.

“Where are you, Aang?! I’m going to kill you, you know that right?!”

Aang came to a stop perched lightly on the top of Toph’s wooden headboard, hiding from her wrath.

“Aang! You gutless chicken-mouse!”

He didn’t answer. Not wanting to give his location away. _He didn’t have time to deal with a concussion_ , he rationalized.

“Get down here Avatar!” Toph spat as she started randomly sending earth spikes up from the ground. “You know you can’t hide from me forever.”

Toph began to prowl the room, hands turned upward in her signature earthbending style. “Its maddening how quiet you airbenders can be!” she cursed.

Frankly being quiet was a skill Aang had worked hard on honing over the years of dealing with Toph. Controlling the sound waves in the air and even throwing his voice to disguise where it was coming from had become basic survival skills when it came to trying to beat his Earthbending Sifu.

“Toph, please, just hear me out!” He threw his voice to the other side of the room just to be careful. He cringed as Toph ripped an airball-sized rock from her bedroom wall and sent it crashing into her wardrobe where she thought the sound had come from. The wood splintered loudly.

“Ahh!” Toph growled again. “Get out here you lily-livered pansy! What did you tell Katara?! That _we_ were dating??”

Aang spoke again, throwing his voice to the balcony, “I’m raising the white flag here, Toph! Can’t we just talk?” But Toph pulled, bending the thick cement balcony rails angrily into the room, the stone hurling into the opposite wall, dangerously close to where Aang was balancing.

“Not a chance, Twinkletoes. Not until I get at least one good hit in first!”

Aang leapt from the headboard to the arm of the chair and then lightly onto the low ottoman, landing carefully to stay light on his feet. But apparently not light enough, as the ottoman rocked slightly. Toph suddenly spun toward him shooting her fingers out and commanding her metal belt to fly toward Aang. The belt pinned Aang’s hand to the wall behind him, pulling the rest of his body back with it.

“Now I’ve got you!”

Aang grounded his stance, preparing to pulverize any boulders sent his way, but instead of earthbending, Toph marched over and slapped his face. “Aang! What have you done?”

Aang’s free hand darted to his cheek, more in surprise than pain. He was completely stunned by her … dare he think _girly_?... offensive. “Toph, please hear me out!”

“Listen, Aang, I’m not interested in being dragged any deeper into this mess you’ve got going with Katara. There is no way I’m going to stand between you two as some sort of half-cocked romantic shield!”

“I didn’t mean to! It just sort of… happened.”

“What _exactly_ did you tell her?”

“Um… well I sort of told her that you and I were… dating… and that we were going to the Earth King’s banquet tomorrow night. Together, as a couple.”

Aang shut one eye anticipating another strike from Toph. But it didn’t come. Instead Toph breathed heavily for a moment or two before she yanked the belt from the wall and stalked back to the center of the room, growling out, “No wonder Katara was asking all those annoying questions about you this afternoon! She thought that _we_ were dating!!”

“I’m sorry, Toph. I came here as soon as I could to try to warn you.”

“Why me?! The only thing that qualifies me for this is that I’m female.”

“No,” Aang replied with a cocked smile, “what qualifies you is that you’re female AND you wouldn’t actually ever date me.“

Toph snorted, trying to keep in a laugh. Smirking she whined, “Aww, Twinkletoes, don’t complicate things! You’re my best girl-friend these days.” He didn’t fight it, because if he was being honest with himself he probably was more in touch with his feminine side than Toph was with hers. It was part of what made them such good sounding boards for each other.

“It’s just for this party, I promise! I just… Katara asked me to go with her and I panicked!”

“Couldn’t just say ‘ _yes’?_ Or at the very least give her the dignity of a strait refusal?”

“I can’t.”

“Can’t? Or won’t?”

“Toph, you know it’s not just up to me! Besides… she’s better off without me.”

“That’s a pile of dung, Aang! Hiding from the truth always backfires! My parents tried to hide me from the world and have spent all their time since pretending I’m something I’m not. Trying to keep Katara in the dark about her own life — trying to hide her own history from her?! It’s not going to go well, Twinkletoes.”

Aang’s shoulders sagged, “I’m starting to worry you might be right…” (“Of course I’m right!” Toph interjected) “…about keeping the truth from her. But it doesn’t change the fact that I can’t be with her anymore.”

“Coward,” Toph accused under her breath.

Aang’s temper flared, “It’s not about me, Toph!”

Toph’s own temper rose, along with her voice, “I think you’re still just too much of a jelly-boned wimp to stand firm in front of that boulder!”

“But, Toph don’t you understand? This time it’s not me who gets squashed if I fail. …It’s Katara.”

The words hung in the air.

Eventually Toph walked over to where Aang had earthbent a one-word plea into her stone floor. “Well the least you could do is clean up your vandalism of my room,” she huffed as much in resignation as irritation.

Aang let out a long sigh and approached the character he had written in the ground. He then looked around at the wardrobe splinters and rocks littering the room and wondered to himself at what Toph considered vandalism.

Crouching down Aang wiped away his etched “please” off the floor, returning it to smooth stone once again.

Since learning to read using earthbending, Toph had enjoyed this method of silent communication between the two of them. It was not uncommon for Aang to kick off a shoe under the table during a speech or an especially boring meeting so he could join in on Toph’s carved irreverence about the people they were with. It also worked for sending messages over some distance. Since as far as they knew, they were the only two people in the world with seismic sense, it was an effective way to share private messages.

“Fine.”

Aang stood and turned toward Toph. “What?”

“I said _fine_. I’ll do it. I’ll debase myself to pose as your ‘date’ for the banquet.”

Aang brightened, “Really, Toph!?” The relief he felt lifting him literally off the ground, “Oh thank you! You’re really saving me here!”

“I’m always saving you, Twinkles,” Toph said cheekily, “I don’t know what you would do without me.”

Aang plopped down on the padded bench at the foot of Toph’s bed in relief.

Toph frowned, arms still crossed, “But remember, this is just for one night. And I’m going to lay down some strict rules, you hear me!”

“Yes ma’am,” Aang saluted from his seat.

The immediate threat of his earthbending teacher trying to kill him now abated, Aang’s thoughts turned to Katara again. “I’m sorry to have cut short your time with Katara this evening, Toph. I had no idea she would be here. I didn’t mean to drive her away.”

Toph sank down on the bench next to him. “Don’t apologize. It’s a relief really.”

Aang lifted one eyebrow at her, “Why’s that?”

“It’s not that I don’t want to be with Sugar-Queen. It’s just that I have no filter even at the best of times.” (Aang seconded that sentiment with a hearty ‘amen!’) “Let alone needing to tip-toe my way around every topic in the dictionary.” Toph flopped back onto the bed, arms spread-eagled. “It’s exhausting! And it just makes me hate you all the more, Twinkletoes. You know how I hate being inconvenienced.”

Aang rolled his eyes, “Well I’m so sorry for how _inconvenient_ this whole thing has been for _you_.”

“Well you should be,” Toph said, but not without having to restrain a smile.

“My problem is the opposite,” Aang confessed, “as long as I don’t have the Chief or Sokka glaring daggers into my back, I want nothing more than to spend every minute with Katara.”

Aang let out a long sad sigh. “It’s like I have a clean start with her – like I can pretend it all never happened.”

Toph sat up. Aang knew she disagreed. Toph was never one to pretend her problems away. But Aang also knew that she understood. She knew how he ticked, and she didn’t _always_ feel the need to try to change him. Looks like tonight she was okay with just listening.

Toph punched him in the arm.

Listening and _hitting_ apparently.

The only time Toph had been more affectionate with him than a punch or a kick was the day she had acted as messenger to tell him that he had killed his own unborn child. Aang had fallen to his knees in the dirt, shaking, his tattoos flickering with white light, as he tried valiantly to hold back the monster; the ground shaking violently. Toph had held him tightly around the back, her small but strong frame desperately keeping him together as he shook. She had been his rock that day.

It’s funny how somewhere in time, Aang’s image of strength and stability had morphed into the visage of a small black haired blind girl with arms like steel. It was easy to site Toph’s uncanny bending as her mark of strength. But Aang would always know better. Toph’s strength was her heart, her loyalty and her unmovable ability to stand for what she felt was right.

Aang didn’t know if he could ever be grateful enough for her in his life.

Aang slung his arm over her shoulders, trying to lighten the mood. “Well, at least I’ve got a date with you to look forward to. It will be fun!”

Toph responded with a sharp elbow in his side.

“Don’t be too happy about it, Air-Head. You know I’m still going to make you regret roping me into this, don’t you?”

“I’m sure you will, Toph,” Aang said with a laugh.

………….

Katara was fuming as she walked quickly away from Toph’s house in the Upper Ring. To say that she had been surprised when Aang showed up so suddenly in Toph’s bedroom was a disconcerting understatement. Her first feeling was surprise, which quickly changed to jealousy, which morphed once again into anger. Anger at Aang. And anger at herself.

How could she have been so naïve? To have let herself fall so hopelessly head-over-heels for a man she barely knew?! A man who, apparently, was sleeping with one of her oldest friends.

A nearby fountain’s water trembled nervously as Katara stormed past, some of the water sloshing messily over the edges.

In all honesty, Katara never would have imagined Aang and Toph being a couple. From what she had observed of the Airbender, she wouldn’t imagine him choosing to be with Toph; and she _certainly_ wouldn’t have expected Toph to be attracted to a guy like Aang. I guess they said that opposites attract. But at what point does the opposition become… entirely incompatible? But was she just seeing what she wanted to see? Katara huffed, admitting to herself that maybe she was just grasping at straws; trying to find a way to make it untrue.

Katara felt hot shame as she thought about those moments when she and Aang… well, at those times when she had been sure there was chemistry between her and the Avatar. Apparently, it had all been just one-sided. Apparently she was more pathetic than she thought.

Katara huffed again angrily as she tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to come.

 _Why did it have to be Aang anyway? Couldn’t she be happy with someone else?_ Anyone _else?!_

But there never had been anyone else.

This was not the first time Katara had puzzled over her own seeming lack of romantic history. It was true that she could remember as a young teen, having a few crushes. She could recall the connection she had felt to Haru, as the two had talked, sharing their common losses. She remembered with a certain level of ashamed irritation her first kiss up in the tops of the Freedom Fighters’ tree houses. But beyond a few insubstantial attractions here and there, she really had _no_ romantic experience. And she couldn’t recall why.

Not to mention how that felt like a flat-out lie.

She recognized somewhere deep in her heart that she knew what love felt like. Like she had _been_ in love. True love. The kind that was deep. Bottomless, in fact. The kind of love that you could dive into for eternity and never find the beginning or the end.

She couldn’t admit it--not even to herself--but she felt echoes of that love when she was with Aang…

She had been stunned earlier that day when Aang had told her that Toph was his date to the banquet; that the two of them were a couple. Something about the way he spoke, his body language, made her suspect that he was lying. Or hiding something at the very least. She felt like reading him was something she should be able to do, like in another life she would have known his thoughts without him needing to speak a word. But what would she know about reading the Avatar’s body language?

Katara shook her head sharply, trying to banish her intense feelings of ownership of Aang. Where were these feelings even _coming_ from??

Katara had searched her memory of earlier that morning, trying to find any interaction between Aang and Toph that would hint that they were romantically involved. They _had_ sat together. But beyond that, she couldn’t see anything. But maybe they just weren’t very touchy-feely. She knew for a fact that Toph wasn’t; and maybe her read on Aang had just been wrong. For some reason she had expected him to be a complete romantic sap.

Katara bore her teeth, trying to hold onto her anger. The anger was better than the depressed misery that threatened to follow in her rage’s wake. She didn’t want to revisit the embarrassed disappointment she had felt at Aang’s rejection. The way it made her feel like all was lost.

This afternoon she had probed Toph a little further at the spa. It had been nice to hang out with Toph again after so long. Despite the fact that early on the two of them had not hit it off right away, they had certainly grown to respect and appreciate one another over time. They had developed their own brand of friendship and it was strong. So she was a bit surprised (hurt even?) that Toph did not confide anything to her about being in a serious relationship. The little Earthbender had been surprisingly tight-lipped about anything regarding her relationship with Aang. Were they keeping their relationship a secret? Toph had mentioned that the two of them spent a lot of time together, and that part of her reason for being in Ba Sing Se right now (apart from her new metal bending school) was to be closer to Aang. But she had made it seem like a friendship thing; maybe with a touch of protectiveness? But Katara had not sensed any romantic vibes.

But then again, that was probably just Toph. Toph and… _feelings_ … didn’t always manifest themselves in the usual ways.

But she hadn’t expected Aang to be so… nonchalant about romance. Or what was the word he used? _Casual_?! Sleeping with Toph when they weren’t married, or even an open couple?! She admitted that she could potentially have imagined Toph in all her rebellious independence to perhaps embrace that kind of counter-culture life-style; but she wouldn’t have thought so of Aang.

But what did she know? She barely knew him.

But this was always the sticking point. She felt like she _did_ know him. Or at least like she _ought_ to! To have her read on him, her read on his _interest in her_ , be so wrong shook her more than she felt was healthy.

Katara hit her head with her fist, trying to make her thoughts make sense! Her frustration making her breath come out in short stuttered bursts. _Katara, you are a serious head-case!_

Why couldn’t she make sense of her world?! Why must she always feel so lost and empty? Like her life was forever falling short of some past happiness that she couldn’t even remember. She realized now that the only time she didn’t feel so empty, was when she was with Aang. That he somehow made her broken parts feel whole again.

Katara had believed in the Avatar for as long as she could remember, since the time she had been a very little girl barely old enough to toddle in the snow. She had soaked up every story her Gran Gran had told about the Avatar and let it seep into her heart, filling her with a burning faith. It had been her source of optimism, her source of hope for a better future.

As a child the Avatar had filled her thoughts and fueled her hopes. Where did she hang her hope now?

Was this her problem? She wasn’t a child anymore, but was it possible she was _still_ placing her faith in the Avatar? Believing that he, through some mystical magic, could fix her? That maybe why she thought she loved him was really just some misplaced belief that he was the solution to her problems – that he was the part of the puzzle that would help her make sense of her confusing life?

But it turns out that the Avatar is just a man. A distractingly attractive, sweet and just… _perfect_ man. But a man just the same. He was not the solution to her problems.

Her problems, it seems, simply didn’t solutions.

Katara was an optimist; a positive person by nature. She had never been one to wallow in self-misery. At least she _hadn’t_ been… But in the last few years she found herself sometimes filled with grief, some unnamed loss, that she had no idea how to process. She had no idea where these intense emotions originated.

Katara had always been a believer in destiny. But she worried that maybe she had missed hers? She had distinct memories of feeling like she’d found her calling, like she was making the world a better place, like she had found her own _personal_ happiness. But it had all slipped away, draining through her fingers like water before she learned to bend.

Now she had no idea what had given her such purpose and fulfillment. Those details were a complete blank.

Katara dug the heels of her hands into her tightly closed eyes for a moment, trying to will away the headache that she felt coming on -- the telltale sign that she was wandering into forbidden thoughts, long winding corridors of reflection that always ended in dead ends and splitting migraines. If she wasn’t careful she would end up sick. A breakdown. Like before…

Without even meaning to, Katara noticed that she was heading to Iroh’s teashop. The old general was always welcoming and supremely kind to her. He was ever a willing listening ear and had an amazing way of affirming her without actually saying much. Although she had occasionally sensed him guiding their conversations, she had never felt judged, belittled, or dismissed with him as she had felt with her people in the South Pole.

Maybe he could brew some more of that special tea for her – the one that had helped stave off her headaches in the past. Katara had joked with Iroh that it must have some powerful ingredient, some sort of spiritual medicine; and he had always just smiled, a knowing, twinkle in his eye that made her wonder. 

Katara squared her shoulders and walked with purpose.

Yes, she would visit Iroh.

And she would try to forget.

… Because remembering was hopeless…

……………

Zuko arrived at Uncle’s teashop later than he had hoped. He had left the conference as soon as he could get away after the day’s meetings, but he had gotten held up. He had hoped to snag a word with Aang afterwards, but the Airbender had flown out of the meeting almost before it was even adjourned.

Zuko couldn’t blame him for wanting to leave. The unspoken tension in the room between Aang and the Southern Water Tribe affiliates was painful to witness – even from afar.

Zuko knew all about strained family relationships, and he didn’t envy his friend.

Tonight the Firelord was accompanied by the captain of his personal Royal Guard, a man by the name of Shiatsu. The tall captain had proven himself a loyal and skilled soldier, and even more rare, a good friend. Shiatsu was roughly Zuko’s age -- in his late twenties or perhaps early thirties -- fairly young to hold such a prestigious position: a trait the two of them shared. It was atypical for Zuko to be allowed to wander the city unaccompanied these days; so bringing only Shiatsu was the next best thing.

As the two of them entered the Jasmine Dragon, Zuko was flooded with memories as the scents of teas brewing greeted him. He paused to inhale deeply. Zuko would always and forever associate this smell with his Uncle; and he would always and forever associate his Uncle with redemption. A new start. His honor reclaimed.

A rare contented smile flashed at the corner of his mouth.

Zuko was not inside the door for longer than three heartbeats before his Uncle grabbed him in a tight embrace, the shorter man squeezing with enthusiasm.

“Prince Zuko! Ah, forgive an old man for falling into his old habits, I mean _Firelord_ Zuko! It does my heart good to see you!” his Uncle said jovially.

“Hello Uncle,” Zuko spoke, “its good to see you too.”

“Come, come!” Uncle pushed he and Shiatsu further into the teashop. The two had dressed down in an effort not to draw attention to themselves, but Zuko was not surprised when glances at his scar still caused a rustle as the patrons whispered about who had arrived. The place was busy tonight. Zuko watched the bustling servers wearing the same green uniforms and aprons he had once worn back before he had become the Firelord, at a time when he had not even been a Prince anymore -- just a humble refugee. Zuko reflected how remarkable lives rarely ran in strictly linear paths.

“The Jasmine Dragon is very full tonight. I trust you will not mind sharing a table?” his Uncle asked. Zuko’s eyebrow pulled down in concern; he was not accustomed to… mingling. But he understood when Uncle finished pushing him toward a table at the back with one seated occupant: Katara.

Zuko smiled.

So, he noticed, did Shiatsu.

When Katara noticed Zuko she stood, a smile on her face as she came and gave him a big hug. Zuko was still awkward with this kind of thing; but he appreciated that the members of Team Avatar plowed right past his gracelessness. He wanted to share affection with them, wanted to show how much he cared. But he couldn’t seem to help his stiffness, even if it wasn’t what he meant. It was comforting to him that Katara hugged him anyway, completely undeterred.

“Zuko! I’m so glad we ran into each other tonight!” Katara said. “We didn’t get any chance to talk at the convention earlier. We need to catch up! Your Uncle and I have just been sharing a pot of tea. Nothing is better in this city than Iroh’s tea. Besides perhaps his listening ear,” she said with a grateful smile. Uncle just laughed, a small blush appearing on his cheeks.

“And who is your friend?” she asked politely, turning to Shiatsu.

Shiatsu surprised Zuko by breaking with convention, and instead of waiting for his Firelord to introduce him, instead stepped forward with a bow, “I’m Shiatsu, Captain of Firelord Zuko’s Royal Guard. It’s a pleasure to meet you Miss…?”

Zuko broke in, taking control of the introduction, “ _Master_ Katara of the Southern Water Tribe; one of the best Waterbenders and Healers alive,” and then with a softer look at her, “and a long time friend.”

Shiatsu’s eyebrows rose in surprise. Katara’s name was known throughout the three nations: she was a hero of the Hundred Year War after all, and had saved the life of the very Firelord Shiatsu served.

And she had once been the wife of the Avatar.

Although not many knew the details of how that union had been terminated, the crude basics had been whispered far and wide. Zuko didn’t doubt that Shiatsu would have known exactly who she was.

“Yes, of course,” Shiatsu said with another bow, although Zuko noticed how he still kept his eyes on her the whole time, “who hasn’t heard of your fame and honor, Master Katara?”

Zuko looked from Katara to his Captain, and back again. A moment before it had been his Uncle blushing; now it appeared that his other two companions had joined his esteemed Uncle’s ranks with matching pink cheeks.

It was then that Zuko had an idea. He had gotten nowhere with getting Aang to move on; the Avatar was simply unwilling to move past Katara. But what about her? Perhaps the real key to helping Aang put the past behind him and turn toward his future was for Katara to move on first. Zuko knew Aang well enough to know that if Katara were to marry again, Aang would never, no matter how much he might want to, do anything to mar her new start.

Then perhaps Aang would finally start anew himself?

As the four each took a seat at the small square table, and Iroh motioning to one of his servers to bring two more cups, Zuko surprised them all by stating, “Captain Shiatsu is an exceptional guard, my best in fact. He is skilled, smart, and resourceful, ever quick to see the bigger picture. I count myself lucky to have him by my side, and to consider him my friend.”

Shiatsu looked surprised at Zuko’s open praise. Katara eyed the handsome Captain again, if not a bit guardedly. Iroh raised his eyebrows at his nephew as he took a deliberate sip of tea.

Zuko began to feel uncomfortable. He knew what he wanted, but he had no idea how to gracefully make it happen. He cleared his throat, grasping for a segue to his aim. With the blunt grace of a walrus-whale traveling on land Zuko blurted:

“You know, Katara, Shiatsu will be attending the gala tomorrow night with us. Perhaps… perhaps the two of you could… go together… get to know each other a little better...”

Shiatsu nearly choked on his tea, and Katara looked up flustered, pulling her hair over her shoulder to finger the ends. Iroh looked pointedly at his Nephew. Inwardly Zuko cringed.

Leave it to Zuko to completely bulldoze past the art of subtlety.

But Zuko was surprised when Shiatsu, after a cough or two to regain his voice from the tea he had inhaled, looked at Katara with a surprisingly bashful gaze -- this type of flustered behavior completely out of character for his usually confident Captain – and said, “It would be my pleasure… I mean my highest honor, if the esteemed Master Katara would allow me the privilege of accompanying her to the gala tomorrow night?”

All eyes turned to Katara. At first she just looked surprised. Zuko could see that she was flattered, but could also see faltering in her expression, like she wasn’t sure what to do. But then hard resolve settled in her blue eyes, as though she had come to an important conclusion. Katara sat up straighter and looked directly into Shiatsu’s golden eyes with a disarmingly flirtatious smile.

“Well, Captain Shiatsu, I am flattered. And I _accept_ your invitation.”

……………


	10. Chapter 10

…………

“You know,” Toph spoke through a mouthful of food, “it’s rude to check out another woman while your date is sitting right next to you.”

Toph’s voice was filled with mocking sarcasm, clearly enjoying how easily she could get under Aang’s skin at the moment.

True to her word, when Aang had picked Toph up to go together to the palace, Toph had slapped Aang with a long list of rules for their “date”:

No touching. No dancing. No gifts. No introductions as his ‘girlfriend’. NO WAY she was going to eat any of his vegetarian crap.

She was not going to wear shoes (not that he would ask her to) and she could open her own dang doors, thank you very much.

She was definitely not going to hold his arm to let him lead her into the ballroom. But after this declaration she had paused to think for a moment, before adding with a thoughtful look, “But I guess if you want to hold onto _my arm_ and be my pretty little status symbol, then I suppose I could handle that.”

“You know you’re the worst date ever, right?”

“Good. Because I want you to regret ever roping me into this in the first place!” Toph had retorted as the two had entered the main ballroom.

But that was earlier in the evening, and right now he was aggravated with more things than just his disagreeable date.

“How would you know what I’m looking at?” Aang retorted to Toph, annoyed.

“Twinkletoes your heart has beat that same love-sick tune every time you look at Katara since you were twelve years old.”

Aang harrumphed and turned back to staring holes into the back of the man currently dancing with Katara.

Katara was wearing one of Aang’s favorite dresses – a floor-length blue gown that buttoned high and off-center at the collar in traditional Earth Kingdom style. The soft three-quarter length sleeves were embroidered with subtle oceans waves that matched the wide trim at the bottom. Aang had bought the dress for her for their five-year anniversary -- had bought it right here in Ba Sing Se. After seeing its likeness in a storefront window in the upper ring, Aang had commissioned it in blue from the tailor who owned the shop. He had gone to great lengths to keep it a surprise for Katara, even bringing in several of her other dresses to the shop for the tailor to guess at her measurements.

She looked amazing in this dress.

Aang remembered the feel of the silk under his fingers. He remembered the way it had swooshed fluidly around his legs when he spun Katara on this very dance floor.

Now he watched the dress swoosh around another man’s knees. Now he hated how it spun. Hated how it was cut so perfectly to fit on Katara’s slim waist – a waist now held by another man’s hand.

He hated that hand.

Aang actually already knew Captain Shiatsu. The Captain was often nearby whenever Aang was with Zuko. Aang scoffed in derision about how he had once really liked the guy.

He could now hardly fathom how he had ever thought anything good of the double-crossing, hog-monkey-faced weasel with his wandering pentapus hands!

“Chill out Aang. The napkin is innocent; I do believe you have already choked it to death.”

Aang looked down at his hands. He was indeed wringing the large cloth napkin in his lap until it was nearly threadbare. He tried to make his hands relax. _Better to strangle the napkin than the good Captain’s neck… maybe._

“Well, as fun as ‘watching’ you watch Katara is… I’m outta here.” Toph said definitively as she rose to her feet.

“What? Where are you going?! You’re supposed to be my wingman tonight!”

“I’m a terrible wingman. I’m much better at being in charge.” Toph replied conclusively. “AND I’m not done eating. I’m off to find some more grub – something that isn’t leafy or made from a root like all the unappetizing smells coming from your plate.” She said scrunching her nose up at Aang’s nearly untouched food.

And with that Toph was off, leaving Aang to his self-torture of watching Katara dance in the arms of another man.

…………

“You’re marvelous at this, Katara! Where did you learn to dance so well?”

Katara looked up at her date as the two swirled around the dance floor. “Oh dancing? I _love_ to dance! I used to dance all the time with…” Katara furrowed her brow. “I mean I learned… at… I used to dance with…” Katara for the first time since the pair had started dancing stumbled, missing the beats of the music, causing the two to break apart awkwardly.

Katara hated when this would happen! When her life would suddenly not add up!

She knew all the dance moves, the muscle memory well engrained in her body, making dancing easy and natural. But now being asked about it, she could not recall… where _had_ she learned to dance? The rhythmic circular drum dances of her tribe she had known from the time she was young. But these dances were nothing like what she had done in the Southern Water Tribe growing up. Vaguely she could remember a dance or two spent with… Zuko? And her brother. And even several dances with Iroh over the years. But the vast majority of dancing she had done throughout her life was shrouded in haze – she knew she had done it, learned the steps, laughed and spun and moved to the music – but she could not remember the details. She could not remember _who_ her partner had been.

It bothered her. Gave her a feeling of unease, almost paranoia: to know that there had been someone in her life… but to be completely unable to remember who he was! These “lack of memories” left her agitated and… sad.

But trying quickly to recover, she masked her confusion and smiled up at Captain Shiatsu. “I’m sorry. I must have lost my step.” Then taking his hand again she flirted with a laugh, “I guess you spoke too soon about my dancing!”

The Captain glanced at a table to their right with a calculating look, before returning his gaze quickly back to hers, a coy dimple appearing in his cheek as he took her waist once again. “Not at all. It just wouldn’t be fair if you were _completely_ perfect. You must surely have a flaw or two that I may perhaps one day discover?” His words were sweet and his smile charming. But Katara could see some analysis behind his eyes as he chanced another look to their side.

When Katara turned to see where he had looked, she was disconcerted to see that the Captain had glanced at where Aang sat with Toph.

_Why would he be looking at the Avatar?_

As Katara looked, her stomach burned with envy. She had purposely ignored the aforementioned couple, not wanting to have anything to do with Aang tonight, if she could help it.

… But of course she had noticed him already. Noticed with an aggravating flutter of her heart how tall and handsome he had looked walking into the room with Toph.

Katara had always thought Toph was pretty. But her brusque ways and complete apathy about her own appearance (and even sometime for basic hygiene) had often masked Toph’s feminine appeal. But as Katara had observed her tonight, she had been struck with how truly striking Toph was. Her dark hair, porcelain skin, and deceivingly slight body made her a true beauty. Katara had flushed in shame at the jealousy that had flared in her heart; jealousy that had been immediately followed by guilt at her own pettiness. She did not want to begrudge her friend her beauty, or her good fortune. Katara just felt… sadness, that it was not _her_ by Aang’s side.

Continuing to dance and without looking at Aang and Toph, Katara wondered what interest Captain Shiatsu would have with the happy couple.

And then squaring her shoulders in resolve, she decided she didn’t care. She was not here with Aang. She was here with Shiatsu. And she was not going to let the Avatar ruin this evening for her. Not the Avatar, nor his date, nor her own cursed confusion!

Katara looked up into the golden eyes of the Captain and raised one elegant eyebrow alluringly at him. “Well Isure we have many things to discover about one another. I’m looking forward to it.” Shiatsu laughed in an adorably flustered way before pulling her a little closer.

“Indeed!”

She would make tonight a night to remember. 

……………

Zuko had to admit that it was a little jarring to witness how quickly Katara had warmed up to his Captain.

Katara was uncommonly beautiful (even the scar in front of her ear did little to mar her beauty), and this was not the first time Zuko had seen men stumble in her presence. Something about her exotic appeal, her captivating presence in a room, had always turned heads. Agni knows she had always had the power to get Aang to do whatever she wanted, the Airbender having turned to mush around her from pretty much the moment he’d opened his eyes in this century. But to see Katara turn on the charm, directed at a _different_ man, and seeing that man bend to her will like water guided by her capable hands, was strangely unnerving.

Zuko had to remind himself that this was _his_ idea. He _wanted_ Katara to fall in love with someone else. To move on. But it didn’t stop him from somehow feeling like it was… _wrong_.

Zuko had pulled his Captain aside last night after their tea with Katara, and told him the vague basics of Katara’s… condition. Explaining that Katara would not remember anything about her history with the Avatar. Zuko had been surprised when Captain Shiatsu had seemed to brighten momentarily at this news. Zuko had further instructed that tonight the Captain was not to probe into her past; tonight he was simply to try to get to know her, have a good time, but not to do anything to exacerbate her fractured memory.

Zuko’s eyebrow pulled down in unintentional disapproval as his Captain leaned in to Katara, whispering something in her ear; her enchanting laugh in reply making Zuko grit his teeth. _Well, it would appear that Shiatsu was heeding his instruction about having a good time..._ Even though Zuko was the one who had set this up, he felt a sudden spike of protective jealousy in behalf of his friend at Katara’s open flirtations with Captain Shiatsu.

And perhaps a twinge of guilt?

This was ridiculous! Again, this was _his idea_.

But Zuko had to admit that it had felt better in theory than in full technicolor display right in front of him.

He was so engrossed in watching the striking couple dance that he was taken completely off guard when a petite hand swiped a kabob right off his plate.

“Hey!”

“Oh hi Sparky. Aren’t these kabob’s the best?”

“I wouldn’t know. You’re eating mine, Toph!”

“Well, the buffet was out of them. And you appeared not to be eating yours.”

“I was saving it!”

“Well you snooze you lose, Hotpants. Besides, I can’t steal anything off “my date’s” plate – I don’t know how Aang survives without meat! – so I thought I ought to come and help myself to something good.”

“You’re here with Aang?! On a _date_??”

Toph snorted out an ironic snicker. “Yup. Apparently the guy thought he needed me to fend off Katara’s advances. But it looks like her attentions are thoroughly engaged elsewhere tonight.”

Zuko coughed and chanced a glace over at Aang’s table, where the Avatar stared down in his lap, looking murderous and completely forlorn at the same time. Zuko rubbed the back of his head guiltily.

Toph turned her head towards him, opening her mouth in delighted scandal. “What?! Did YOU arrange this?!” she asked, pointing an open hand towards Katara and Captain Shiatsu.

“What?! No!”

“Oh you are lying! I can feel it, your Fieryness!” Toph taunted victoriously.

Zuko let out an exasperated huff. “It’s for Aang’s own good.”

“You are a bad friend, Zuko.” Toph said with amusement at how uncomfortable the Firelord was.

“No I’m not! I’m a good friend! This is… better. For them both. If they move on...” Zuko shot a sideways glance down at his short earthbending companion as she bit off another bite of his kabob. “But all the same. I’d uh… I’d appreciate if you didn’t mention to Aang that I had anything to do with this.”

“Oh sure! Wouldn’t want the Avatar to finally muster the guts to thrash the Firelord after all. Your father just lost his bending. You? I’m pretty sure Aang wouldn’t be so kind if he knew your part in this.” Toph said with an evil laugh.

Zuko huffed, a small puff of smoke coming out his nostrils, and sat back in this chair, arms crossed defensively over his chest.

 _He shouldn’t feel bad about this. In fact, he_ didn’t _feel bad about this. Not at all._

And that’s what he told himself as he markedly avoided looking at the Avatar.

…………….

Sokka wasn’t so sure he liked this guy.

Sure he appeared… athletic. And was apparently a skilled warrior and wholeheartedly trusted by Zuko. Sokka knew that he should be happy that Katara was having a good time tonight (and at long last NOT prattling on about _Aang_ all the time!). But it was still a bit… weird… to see her flirting with someone else.

Over the years Sokka had just gotten used to Aang and Katara being an Item, an inseparable Pair. And even in the years since their break, he supposed somewhere deep down Sokka felt like they still were.

_That’s asinine! You of all people ought to know better, Sokka!_

Sokka hated it when his _feelings_ disagreed with his brain. Because his brain was always right. Of course it was.

And Aang and Katara being separated made the most sense.

Sokka thought back to the night Katara had woken after her nearly three-month sleep in the spirit world. As his dad had helped her walk out of the Spirit Oasis, Sokka had circled back to stand beside Aang as he watched her go, stricken.

“Thank you for bringing her back, Aang.”

“She doesn’t know me…”

“Perhaps… perhaps it’s for the best, Buddy.” He had said.

And he had believed it. He _still_ believed it. So it was with supreme annoyance that Sokka faced his unease at watching Katara flirt with someone besides Aang.

_It must be because he’s a firebender. Yeah, that’s it. Deep down you’re just a racist, Sokka._

Why that thought would comfort him was disconcerting. Would Sokka really prefer to believe it was his own prejudice against the Fire Nation that bothered him? Rather than a genuine dissonance that Katara wasn’t with Aang? 

Sokka thought about that for a moment.

And then agreed with himself. _Yes. He would rather be a racist._ That was a much more straight-forward problem. Something he could deal with. He could acknowledge his faults, make a plan, implement strategies to combat his racial tendencies...

(Or perhaps just ignore it. That would be fine too…)

But believing, deep down, that Katara and Aang were meant to be together? Now _that_ would be a real problem.

Blood was thicker than water, and Sokka had chosen to defend his blood, to stand by his sister. To protect her. As he had always done.

Sokka was not a gambler. He was a planner, anticipating every possible possibility and strategically strategizing to outwit them. But how do you plan around something like the Avatar State?

It’s too powerful to overpower, too quick to outrun. And it lives inside of Aang. All the time. No one ever knowing when it might explode again.

There’s just no planning around that.

Is there anyway that Sokka could let his sister live defenselessly with that kind of a time bomb? Sleep with it by her side, try to raise her children with destruction always an imminent possibility? To live her life never knowing when Aang’s power might take her life?

 _Again_.

You can’t destroy an enemy that lives inside. The only thing to be done is to put distance between yourself and the bomb.

Sokka reminded himself of all of these things, conclusions he had come to time and time again, as he resisted the urge to go find his boomerang and make the Captain of Zuko’s Royal Guard his target practice.

Hakoda approached his son with a drink in each hand. Handing one of the two to Sokka he spoke with a knowing grin.

“So… you don’t like Katara’s choice of a date tonight, eh, Son?”

“No. Not particularly.” Sokka took a drink of the fruity liquid. “It must be because I’m a racist.”

Hakoda laughed out loud and clapped his son on the back, clearly not fooled. “Mm-huh, I’m sure that is the only problem.”

Hakoda took a drink. “But Katara has shown no interest in anyone from the South Pole, not even as our village has grown into a thriving city. Perhaps looking _outside_ our borders is our best option, to help her find a man to make a future with.”

“I’m not sure Katara would like us to be involved.”

“True. And we don’t need to be overt about it. Just let her think she is doing the choosing. I’m not sure how I feel about this Captain Shiatsu yet, but Firelord Zuko assures me he is a man of honor and holds his trust.” The two looked to where Katara stood with her date. “And Katara does seem to like him…”

Sokka hummed. “Seems to…”

Hakoda shifted topics, “So… I heard tonight that Aang is dating Toph. Do you know anything about this?”

Sokka inhaled his drink. Hakoda clapped him several times on the back as Sokka fought to regain his ability to breath before gapping at his father, “Whaaat?!?”

Hakoda laughed, “It’s news to me too. I guess I never would have thought…”

Sokka tried to digest this… _shocking_ … news. He couldn’t seem to swallow it down. “I can’t even BEGIN to picture those two…”

Hakoda cut in, “No matter. That would be good. Maybe the boy is finally moving on and will leave Katara alone.”

Sokka lowered his brows, obviously disconcerted, as Hakoda continued, “I’ve never wished for Aang to be alone. How he has been these past years hurts to see. I would be happy to see him move on with someone else.”

“But what about Toph and her safety? Aren’t you at all concerned about that?” Sokka asked feeling a flare of protectiveness for the absolutely-doesn’t-need-protecting earthbender. If Aang was too dangerous to be with Katara, then wasn’t he too dangerous to be with _anyone_?

Hakoda replied jokingly, “Really? Somehow if I were to picture one of the two of them killing the other, it’s Aang I’d worry for…”

When the joke fell flat, Hakoda cleared his throat and looked strait ahead, replying more seriously, “Toph would know the risks. And then it would be her choice. Frankly what Aang chooses to do with his personal life is none of my affair. And as I said, I would hope he can find happiness again.” Then the Chief’s eyes turned to steel. “I just don’t want him near Katara. What he chooses to do beyond that is his deal.”

Sokka’s brows pulled down further. He didn’t like this reasoning. Of course he didn’t want Aang to be alone forever either, but Sokka’s sudden concern for some other girl, especially someone he cared about as much as Toph, left him feeling uneasy.

According to his Dad, ‘knowing the risks’ gave Toph the right to put herself in harm’s way. But what he, Hakoda, and Aang (well really that evil face-taking bug spirit) had done was prevent Katara from knowing the risks, and therefore preventing her from choosing for herself. They did not trust the choice she might make if she had all the pieces to the puzzle. So they had decided for her.

Sokka wondered, if somehow he had been able to save Yue all those years ago…? Yeah, you can bet he would have. But where would the world have been if he had been the one to make the choice? Instead of Yue herself?

These uncomfortable questions -- questions that he had long ignored -- were now knocking loudly on his brain space, demanding to be heard.

But first thing’s first:

_Aang and Toph?! Really??_

“Well I’ll catch you later, Dad. I need to go figure out if the universe still makes sense or not.”

…………..

He ran into her at the dessert table. Earth Kingdom tradition was to serve dessert much later in the evening, well after dinner was over and the guests had had ample time to dance, mingle and enjoy some entertainment.

Of course finding a moment to talk with her was not a coincidence. Aang had driven himself nearly mad watching Katara with her _date_ (even in his mind, the word was spat), and he knew if he didn’t talk to her, say _something_ , he might lose his mind. He had to be discreet with Sokka and Hakoda around here somewhere, hence why he had waited for her here, behind one of the large granite pillars.

When Katara stepped up to the dessert table Aang stepped out from behind the pillar and stood next to her. “Oh hi Katara,” he began nonchalantly. “How are you this evening?”

Katara looked up in surprise, “Oh! Aang!” she quickly pulled her hair over her shoulder, fiddling with it nervously, “I didn’t see you there.”

“Me? Oh, I’m just here, you know, picking out some desserts…” he grabbed an empty plate hastily, to illustrate his point.

Katara raised one eyebrow slightly at him, like she read something in his _completely convincing_ charade. “Makes sense,” she said dryly, sweeping her arm over the delicacies, “this is the dessert table after all.”

“Yeah, heh heh,” Aang rubbed at the back of his neck. “So, um… how are you enjoying the party?”

Katara ran her fingers through her hair again, “It’s been nice.” But then abruptly she dropped her hands, her voice a little hard as she asked, “So where’s Toph?”

“Toph?” Aang asked a little absently. He looked vaguely around the room. “I dunno. I’m sure she’s around here somewhere…”

Katara’s eyes narrowed slightly. “I’m surprised she’s not right here with you. How long did you say you two have been dating?”

“Oh, a little while…” Aang evaded. _It wasn’t a lie._ He hadn’t specified _how little_ the while was.

Looking him strait in the face Katara said, “Well I’ve been having a wonderful time with _my_ date.”

“Oh. Right.” Aang said flatly. He felt jealousy rage inside him, which quickly turned to hot irritation. “So, where is your _date_?” He asked trying not to let his loathing drip from the word.

But Aang already knew where the Captain was, of course. Since Aang hadn’t wanted to run into the two of them _together_.

Aang looked to where he could see Shiatsu sitting at a table a ways off, clearly saving a place for Katara when she came back. Aang narrowed his eyes at him. If Aang could firebend through his eyes, he’s pretty sure Shiatsu’s topknot would be in flames.

Talking with Katara right now was probably not a good idea. Since he was already aggravated before the conversation even began.

Katara raised her chin defiantly, “Shiatsu? Oh, he’s waiting for me. I asked him to go and find us a seat while I pick out some desserts for the both of us. He offered to get dessert for me, but I told him I wanted to pick. He’s _very considerate_ ; a _perfect gentleman_.” Katara emphasized the words as if she knew how much they would bother Aang.

 _Right. And I’m sure Shiatsu resting has nothing to do with needing to ice his ankle._ Aang thought with smug resentment. Because Aang _may_ have earthbent one of the marble tiles in the dance floor _right_ when the back-stabber was stepping there. The injury wasn’t bad ( _not even a sprain, dang it!_ ), and he had seen Katara work her healing magic on him anyway, so Aang was sure he was fine. But at least it had stopped the two of them from dancing for a little while.

At the time he had moved the floor tile, Katara had actually looked his way suspiciously; but her narrowed eyes had been directed at Toph who Aang had been sure to have by his side at the time (no one ever suspected the gentle Monk… especially if _the Runaway_ was nearby. Toph made an excellent scapegoat sometimes.).

Desperate to change the subject from Katara’s “perfect gentleman” of a date, Aang asked, “So… the dessert table, huh? What’s looking good to you?”

Katara shrugged looking over the pastries, “Earth Kingdom desserts are alright. Nowhere near as good as what they make in the fire nation, though. And my all-time favorite is…” she stopped mid-sentence.

“Is what?” Aang asked, already knowing the answer, a sick curiosity burning within him. “What is your favorite dessert?”

“Fruit pie…” Katara said a little dazed. “But I can’t remember… where I…?”

 _Not just ‘fruit pie’_ Aang modified in his own mind. MY _fruit pie. Your favorite is Yangmei berry, to be precise._

Katara seemed to shake herself from her daze, and looking down at the empty plate in her hand began loading it with tarts. “But these look delicious. I’m sure Shiatsu will love them.”

Aang hastily put a tart or two on his plate as well, not paying much attention to what he was choosing. Without looking at her he said, “You, um… you look beautiful tonight, Katara.”

Katara set down her plate and faced him, jaw set. “Thanks. _Shiatsu_ has mentioned the same thing. Several times in fact.”

Aang narrowed his eyes, feeling his hackles rise. “Your dress is lovely, very unique.” Then with a vindictive smile, “Where’d you get it?”

Katara acted as though she would make some snarky retort, before she pulled up short, confusion clear on her brow when she didn’t know the answer.

Aang immediately felt bad. He shouldn’t do that; attack her with questions that he knows she won’t be able to answer, toying with her broken memory. His heart sank, disgusted at his own pettiness.

Katara rubbed her forehead as though she were trying hard to remember. Aang could see her wracking her brain for a simple answer that had been stolen from her own past. She closed her eyes tight, her breathing becoming a bit strained.

Aang wished he could take it back. He hated seeing her confusion, and the obvious distress it brought her. His hands lifted to try to comfort her, to take away the pain he had brought.

But just then Shiatsu walked up to the table. “Katara?”

Katara looked up at him startled.

Aang dropped his hands.

“Katara, here you are. I wondered if you’d gotten lost!” he joked, although his quick glance at Aang held anything but mirth. “Avatar Aang,” he greeted with a Fire Nation bow.

“Captain,” Aang returned.

“No, no,” Katara smiled at Shiatsu, picking up her plate, “I’m not lost. I’ve got our dessert right here.”

As she turned to go, Katara looked back at Aang, “You really ought to go and find your date, Aang. I’m sure Toph is wondering where you’ve been.”

Then she turned her back on him.

Aang watched them go. He could see Shiatsu put his hand on her lower back to guide her to their seats.

Aang really _hated_ that hand!

…………

“So your guard dog is off duty tonight?” Aang asked scathingly as he appeared next to Zuko on one of the large open balconies off of the main ballroom. Dessert was being cleaned up and Zuko had just stepped outside for a bit of fresh air when Aang found him.

“Uh, yeah. I assume your talking about Captain Shiatsu?” Zuko cleared his throat uncomfortably at the arrival of his friend next to him. “I uh… I gave him the night off. To enjoy the uh… festivities.”

“Well he does seem to be enjoying himself.” The acid in Aang’s voice was out of place for the generally Zen monk. “If he enjoys himself any further I’m going to have to air-slap his hands into behaving themselves.”

Zuko tried to swallow down his guilt, letting irritation take its place instead. He hadn’t done anything wrong! He was _helping_ Aang. And Katara. Helping them both.

“They’re just having a good time.”

“Well I think you should tell your dog to heel.” Aang said. Looking inside the room Zuko followed Aang’s line of sight to the other side of the ballroom where Captain Shiatsu and Katara stood together in a small circle of mingling guest, the Captain’s arm encircling Katara as she laughed at something one of the other’s had said.

Zuko felt for his friend. Maybe this was the wrong place to have set those two up. Not that he regretted doing it. But here? Making Aang watch? Maybe Zuko hadn’t thought that one through entirely…

“Oh good, you found my date.” Toph interjected as she stalked up to the two of them. “I wondered if he had already tucked tail and run away from this _delightful_ event.”

Aang glared at her. “Thanks for your endless support, Toph.”

“No really! I’m very impressed you are still here. Knowing how you were thinking it would be _Katara_ pining after _you_ tonight… About how you were so sure she desired you enough that you needed to find a stand-in girlfriend to keep her hands off you... Well with reality being what it is, and you having such a weak backbone, I assumed you would have either stuck your head in the ground like an ostrich-chicken and pretended that all this wasn’t happening or have high-tailed it like a spooked wilde-lope by now.”

“Your cutting remarks are turning into the highlight of the evening,” Aang said bitterly.

“Well I thought at least _someone_ ought to be enjoying herself tonight!” Toph crowed (And then in a whispered aside, “aside from _Katara_ , that is…”)

At that point Aang’s temper boiled over. “Look! If you are determined to make me more miserable than I already am, then… we’re over, Toph!”

“Over? Are you breaking up with me?”

“Yes! I’ve had enough! We’re through!”

Toph let that declaration hang ironically in the air for a moment… before laughing right out loud! She actually doubled over, grabbing her stomach with mirth.

Zuko could hardly believe what he was witnessing. He put his hand over his mouth as though deep in thought, but was really just trying to cover the smile he couldn’t keep contained.

After a heated moment, Aang’s shoulders drooped and with a sheepish look on his face he said, “I’m sorry, Toph. I don’t know what came over me… I’m just really feeling wound up tonight.”

Toph leaned a straight arm on Aang’s shoulder, using his body to prop herself up as she tried to control her laughter, “Don’t apologize! That was the best thing that’s happened to me since I found out we were dating!”

Aang smiled too. “I guess we can’t work even as a _pretend_ couple, eh?”

Aang draped a long arm over Toph’s shoulders while she leaned on him, wiping laughter tears from her sightless eyes. “I tell you what, Twinkletoes, being your girlfriend was the longest 24 hours of my life! Glad it’s finally over!”

Aang tried to hold back a laugh that came out as a snort, and pretty soon the two of them were both laughing.

Zuko looked from Toph to Aang and back again, not sure exactly what he had just witnessed -- a bit baffled at the strange comradery between these two.

Just then Sokka wondered onto their balcony, and seeing them there, approached the trio. “So… what’s this I’m hearing about you two dating?!”

A moment of silence held, until Aang and Toph burst out laughing again, even Zuko joining in.

Sokka looked at them each one at a time, brow furrowed, trying to figure out what was going on. Then seeing the way Aang had his arm around Toph, he jumped to the wrong conclusion. “So its true! That you two…? Are a COUPLE?!”

Sokka made a face of disgust. Or disbelief. Disgusted disbelief? “Well I... never saw that one coming...”

Toph stopped laughing long enough to quip, “Because it didn’t happen you dunderhead! Aang’s just dragged me into his dysfunctional love life — a dysfunction YOU had a part in too I’ll add!”

Completely ignoring her attack, a look of supreme relief drained into Sokka’s face. “Oh good! The world makes sense after all then. You two” he darted a finger back and forth between them, “absolutely don’t make sense.” Then holding up his hands as if in defense, “Not that I wouldn’t be happy for you!” Sokka shuddered. “It’s just nice to know that SOME things still add up. (Or DON’T add up, current case considering…)”

It was actually Zuko this time who couldn’t keep a strait face looking at Sokka’s exaggerated relief, and pretty soon the four of them were joking and laughing again, their banter easy and natural.

For a blissful few minutes, it was just like old times.

Zuko looked up and caught Katara’s eye from across the room. She was looking at their group, a look of longing on her face.

Well it was _almost_ like old times…

…………

Shiatsu had gone for drinks when Katara overheard what the small group of old Earth Kingdom noble ladies were saying.

She had just been walking behind their table, waiting idly for her date to come back when a few words floated her way … _that BeiFong girl… Scandalous… the Avatar…_

Her curiosity piqued, Katara sidled closer, keeping her gaze elsewhere so as not to seem as though she were listening in.

“Who’s gold-digging whom, I say?” said a woman wearing the largest pearl earrings Katara had ever seen. “I mean, I hear the Avatar has _nothing_.”

“Oh but Bai, my dear, he’s _the Avatar_. He can own _nothing_ and still have every door in the world opened to him!”

“But Qing, power can only get you so far. Without a proper estate, it’s all hypothetical!” Another woman replied condescendingly.

“Which is why he wants the BeiFong girl in the first place, I’m sure!”

“I don’t know about any of that…” said a middle aged woman who leaned heavily towards her companions, her bracelets clanging expensively on the tabletop, “but there’s no doubt he’s nice on the eyes. Seems a _waste_ to spend such looks on someone who can’t even _see_.”

“See him or not, can you imagine? Marrying a man so… foreign? I could never! I mean look at all those tattoos!”

“Look indeed!” one of the ladies remarked suggestively.

“Oh Li Sha! You scandal!” The gaggle of ladies chortled wildly.

“Well its clear the Avatar prefers powerful women. Didn’t he marry his Waterbending Master?”

“He did! Although you know how _that_ ended…” the women leaned in closer together around the table, lowering their voices even further. Only scraps of their hissing whispers reaching Katara’s ears – _lost control… thought she was… abandoned her…_

Katara could hear her own breath coming in and out of her mouth raggedly, her heart racing. The women’s gossip had felt like lashes on bare skin. Hurtful, but somehow… true. She couldn’t explain why it felt personal, like she herself was being attacked.

The voice of Nakta, Katara’s waterbending student, echoed in her mind, _“They even said he was married before – to a water tribe girl. Like us!”_ The image of Aang standing high on a frozen disk on the top of a powerful waterspout -- a waterbending move that _Katara_ had invented -- sprang into Katara’s mind. _“… the Avatar prefers powerful women. Didn’t he marry his Waterbending Master?”_

Katara could hardly breath, her vision swimming. _This has nothing to do with you!_ She told herself, scolding. But her heart still raced.

Katara looked around frantically, searching for… she didn’t know what. Her anxiety building.

Just then Shiatsu returned, two goblets in his hands. “Ah Katara, there you are! I’d lost sight of you for a moment.”

Katara looked to Shiatsu like a lifeline, her eyes wide and panicked. Concern etching his forehead, Shiatsu put down one of the drinks and grabbed her arm, “Katara! Is something wrong?”

Katara looked back at the women huddled nauseatingly over their gossip like vulturewasps on a day-old carcass.

“Um…” Katara rubbed her forehead shading her eyes, “No. I’m fine,” she lied, “I just… I think I just… want to keep dancing.” She took the other glass from his hand and placed it on the table next to the first. Then she forced a smile and pulled Shiatsu back onto the now nearly empty dance floor.

“Oh… okay,” he agreed, a little confused.

Katara wanted to find a distraction, to get away from the troubled waters in her mind. And dancing seemed as good a way as any.

Shiatsu danced well, very well if you consider that he would have already been an older teen when dancing was still forbidden in the Fire Nation homeland. (That crazy dance party they threw for the kids in the fire nation came to Katara’s mind… accompanied by an unexplained excited, flustered feeling in her stomach.) The Captain did dance well, but he danced by the book, the steps all following the prescribed rules. It was different than how Katara had danced _before_ , she and her partner gliding through the steps, really feeling them. Their feet barely touching the ground.

Katara closed her eyes, letting the music move her. Her breathing slowed as she relaxed through the dance, back and forth, not unlike waterbending. The movement helping to clear her mind. She felt the gentle pressure of her partner’s hand on her lower back, drawing her up against him, the two dancing close.

In a bit of a daze, Katara raised her head to look at him. But when she lifted her eyelids, she expected storm clouds to look back at her. Katara was so startled to see molten gold that she stumbled backward.

_What was wrong with her?!_

And then something clicked.

“I’m sorry, I … think I need some air.” She mumbled as she left Shiatsu standing on the dance floor alone.

Air. Yes, air. That was exactly what she was looking for.

…………….


	11. Chapter 11

…………

It was not entirely coincidence that Iroh stumbled upon Aang in the small room just off the main hall in the Earth King’s Palace, where the Avatar was taking momentary refuge. 

The old general had been hoping for some time to have a private word with the Avatar. But since Aang had not come to the Jasmine Dragon since that first day he and Katara had chanced to meet there, Iroh had found it difficult to find an opportunity to speak with him.

But Iroh had found over the years that sometimes happenchance needed a little orchestration.

So when Iroh saw Aang leave the main ballroom of the party, he followed. After watching to see which room he entered, then it was just a simple thing to “accidentally” interrupt the Avatar’s privacy in the small secluded sitting room, with an excuse of being an old man who got a little turned around. Iroh enjoyed excuses like these; the type that demeaned himself, disarming others in his charade as an old fuddy-duddy. Iroh loved being an old fuddy-duddy. It opened doors, and conversations, that Iroh the sharp-witted General would not be permitted in otherwise.

“Ah, Avatar Aang, it seems I have taken a wrong turn. But what good luck that I should happen upon you! (Although I might wager that you were looking for a bit of solitude?)”

Aang looked up from his dejected place slumped on the elaborate green sofa. It was clear that Iroh had been right in his assumption that Aang was seeking solitude, but Aang spoke from his slump, “Hi, Iroh.” 

Iroh walked further into the room, letting himself down onto the plush couch next to Aang with a relieved groan. “It would appear that the party waxes long, and I am old,” Iroh said with a chuckle. Then raising an eyebrow at Aang, “But you are young. So what is your excuse for leaving the festivities to lounge about on this sofa?”

Aang lifted his eyebrows to glance at Iroh out of the corner of his eye. “Not going to work on me this time, Iroh. ‘Feigning ignorance’ when I’m sure you know exactly why I’m in here.” Aang’s eyes glimmered astutely. “And you likely followed me on purpose.”

Perhaps old fuddy-duddy was not going to work tonight, Iroh thought with an inward chuckle. Iroh nodded his head. “Would this, by chance, have something to do with my Nephew’s Captain and a certain Southern Waterbender?”

Aang huffed. 

Iroh was well versed in the art of patience; knowing that in many cases if one knew when to wait, what one was seeking would most often come on its own. Thus Iroh waited.

At long last Aang burst, “He’s a rat, Iroh! A no-good poaching viper-wolf! He’s not good for her! The way his hands are always on her… and how she fakes interest! I hate his idiotic uniform and his shiny shoes and his stupid perfect topknot! He’s a fraud! … AND he’s a lousy dancer!”

Iroh let Aang vent; let the young man give voice to his own green-eyed monster before speaking sagely, “I see. But this is not really about our good Captain Shiatsu, now is it?”

Aang sighed. “No.”

“So then it is Katara that drives you to this couch?” Iroh asked with a small knowing smile.

“It’s just that… being with Katara this last month… it’s felt so good that my life without her feels all the more… unbearable.”

Iroh laced his fingers across his ample middle. “It may surprise you to know, Aang, that Katara has expressed similar sentiments to me. Although she admittedly does not have the same perspective with which to interpret her feelings.”

“I wish I had never run into her again.”

“Do you?” Iroh asked shrewdly, “Do you really?”

Aang looked down at his hands. “No. Not really,” Aang admitted sadly, “But I should! If I really loved her I would be able to walk away.”

Iroh tipped his head minutely in acknowledgment. “That is one way to look at it.” 

Through much practice with his nephew, Iroh had learned that rarely did telling someone how to live their life bear much fruit. But, with the right gentle guidance, helping a man to come to his own conclusions was far more effective. 

“But perhaps there is another way to see this situation?”

Aang looked at Iroh, his brows furrowed in… doubt? Hope? Skeptism? It was hard to tell.

“Perhaps when you love someone enough, you will do anything to have that person in your life?”

Aang sat up, passion in his reply, “I can’t! I’m dangerous! The mistakes I’ve made… they’re unforgivable.”

“As I had to learn for myself long ago, and as I once told my nephew all those years ago: I believe in second chances. What makes you beyond redemption, young Aang?”

“You know what happened, Iroh. You know what I did to her! To all of them… Don’t make me repeat it.”

The old man’s eyes shone with sad understanding. “Indeed. I do know. But would you believe me if I told you that knowing does not change my question to you?”

“I don’t deserve...”

But Iroh cut him off, “And who is the judge of what you do or do not deserve? And are you qualified to decide for her? To decide for Katara what she does or does not deserve?”

“She deserves to live!”

Iroh’s countenance shadowed, “Does she now? Believe me young Avatar when I tell you I understand where you are coming from. I have stood in your shoes, albeit under different circumstances. Through much travail and sorrow I sought my son in the Spirit World and beyond; and I have learned for myself, that even the question of who deserves to live, is not within our jurisdiction to decide.”

“But Iroh I couldn’t… if I hurt her again… I can’t just leave that to fate. Not when I have the power to save her!”

“I believe you do have this power, Aang. But perhaps it is not your absence that would save her?”

Aang’s eyes shone with regret. “I thought with Koh erasing her memory of me, that she would somehow be free.”

“And yet it would appear that she is in bondage, Aang. Katara carries a great burden. She has been robbed of what gave her the most joy. Even robbed of the memories of it. This has left her fractured and confused. Unable to be who she is. Is it any wonder she feels so incomplete?

“What I see each day in my teashop is a lost young woman. We talk, and the more we talk the more obvious the holes in her memory. And she is beginning to realize it as well. You were too integral a part of her life, Aang. To take you away is to rob her of her own past. Of her own self. Now even her memories lie to her.”

Aang’s face creased in pain and compassion. It was clear to Iroh that hearing these truths hurt the young Avatar. “But what can I do? I was the one to hurt her, but I was not the one to take away her memories. It is not within my power to give them back to her!”

Iroh smiled sadly, “Indeed it is not likely that this situation can have a tidy resolution. But what I see is two people that I care for, both hurting. When I believe that the cure for each is in the other.”

Aang stood then, his mind clearly spinning. How much of this was new information for him? He seemed genuinely surprised to hear of Katara’s distress at her own predicament. 

“I hear what you are saying, Iroh, and I want to believe you. But… her Father…” A sad sort of concession sunk into his voice, “my sentence for what I have done is Just. Destiny… maybe its destiny that has divided us.” 

And with that Aang walked from the room. 

Iroh looked sadly after the clearly overwhelmed Avatar. Then shook his head and spoke to the empty room. 

“Perhaps destiny is not done with the two of you just yet...”

…………

Aang’s mind was swimming. So much of what Iroh had spoken to him about earlier was new information. He had not known the depth of Katara’s struggles. In his isolation from her, he had only assumed that her life was all the better without him in it. He needed time to wade through what he had learned. 

His heart sank deeper knowing that she was still hurting from what he had done. 

Aang was leaning dejectedly on the stone banister of one of the smaller balconies that flanked the large ballroom when Katara found him. The night was already dark, and Aang had been looking at the stars. Looking, but hardly seeing.

Aang stood upright when he felt her step onto the balcony with him. But when he turned to face her, he was entirely unprepared for the haunted look he saw in her eyes.

“Katara...?” he asked in wary concern.

But Katara was silent, looking unblinking at him. She took two more cautious steps toward him, still not saying a word, all the time keeping those saucer-like eyes starring at him like she was seeing something beyond what was here.

Aang tried again, “Katara? Are you okay?”

There was another long pause before she replied softly, “No. I don’t think I am.”

She took two more halting steps towards him, before stopping again. “Aang…”

The way his name came off her lips – it felt different. Like it was no longer the name of an acquaintance, or even a friend, but was a name she had spoken all of her life. She spoke it like she used to. Back when she knew him.

And this terrified Aang.

“Aang…” she said his name again. Then after a seeming debate within herself of how to continue she asked, “What are you… to me?”

Even with his body turned to face her, he took a step backward, his hands grasping the lip of the stone railing.

“Nothing.” Aang could hardly make the sounds, his throat completely dry. “I am nothing to you.”

Technically, under Water Tribe law, he had fulfilled the requirements of Abandonment that shifted his wife’s care back to her father’s family: what constituted a legal divorce. So as much as it hurt him to say it, his claim on her was indeed non-existent.

Katara closed her eyes, giving her head a little shake, before opening them again and spearing Aang with their crystal sharpness. “Well then… what am I to you?”

Aang’s heart dropped into his belly like a stone. 

What was she to him? 

She was his first vision when he opened his eyes after a hundred years in ice. She was his best friend; his confidant, his Reason. She was his first thought everyday when he woke, and his last wish every night when he closed his eyes. Katara had been his savior, and the Love of his lost nation reborn in one person. She was his earthly tether, his Other Half. The only thing he really wanted. 

What was she to him? She was Everything. She was Everything to him.

They looked at one another; the question hanging suspended between them: Aang with no words; Katara with no memory.

At long last Katara looked away, disappointment on her face. “Then… what can you tell me, about… about your wife?” 

“What?” 

“Your wife, Aang. Who was she?”

“My wife? She… she was an incredible woman… my very best friend. I miss her…” the words caught in Aang’s throat. “I miss her a lot.”

“Where is she now?”

“She’s gone. I’m not… I don’t have a wife anymore.” Aang spoke the truth. And speaking it seared him like swallowing hot coals. 

Katara’s brow lowered. “Was she… Water Tribe?”

Aang was very wary of where this was going. What had she heard?

“Yes.”

“Was she your teacher? Your Waterbending Master?”

“…yes.”

“Was she…” Katara looked him again in the eyes, her own eyes brimming with tears. “Was she… me?”

Aang’s insides disappeared, leaving him hollow. And scared. “Katara… I don’t know what you’ve heard, but… I don’t know what to tell you.” Longing and pain filled him as he said, “Katara, you are not my wife.”

Katara’s face crumpled, distress clearly plaguing her. “I thought that maybe I’d… figured something out… I just can’t… remember.” She grabbed at the hair on the sides of her head, pulling hard with a growl. “But I know I ought to!”

Aang put up his hands to stop her. “Katara! Please, don’t! I’m sorry I’ve upset y…”

“NO!” She yelled, baring her teeth angrily at him. “No! This is just like what happens in my village. I say something or I ask a question and everyone retreats faster than a crab-mouse under a rock!”

Wrapping her arms around herself she rocked forward and backward. Icy fear gripped Aang as he witnessed her behavior. He had never seen Katara so distressed.  
Katara’s breathing became erratic, “I feel like I’ve lost something… something precious to me,” Aang noticed how she unconsciously cradled her abdomen as she rocked, the place where their collective Hope and Future had once grown. “But I have no idea what! I know that I should know.” She cried, “I know that you are… something… to me. But I just can’t…”

Katara grabbed at her head again before making a fist and hitting her own forehead. Aang’s hands darted out, grabbing her wrists to stop her.

But Katara yanked her hands away, ruthlessly exploding the liquid from the potted bonsai tree in the corner with a crack, pulling it towards them, and blasting Aang fiercely backward into the railing. He fell soaking to his hands and knees. 

“Don’t touch me!” She growled. “The last thing I need in my life right now is one more person lying to me!”

Aang felt the Monster writhe within him. He grappled his own chest, trying to hold it in. The ground beneath them cracked and air shot violently outwards from him, sending Katara stumbling backward into the wall beside the door, and the pot in the corner crashing onto its side. 

For a moment Katara stood shocked, looking at him, wildness still in her eyes. Before she turned and ran from the balcony.

Aang clenched his core, holding the thrashing power within. Why was she like this? He had never seen Katara so distressed, so incredibly unbalanced! It scared him. He had failed her after all. 

After all he had sacrificed, he had still failed her!! 

From his place on the ground, the first thing his eyes saw when they unclenched was the dead, parched husk of the plant lying morbidly in its broken pot. It’s life gone in an instant. 

Next he saw a crowd gathering in the doorway, a mixture of bright colors gawking at the Avatar brought low by his own power.

Pushing himself to standing he looked anxiously around for Katara. Looking past the onlookers and over the heads of the guests still in the ballroom, Aang barely caught a glimpse of ocean blue and brunette hair as they swished hurriedly out the main doors.

Katara was gone.

…………..

Everyone in the room felt the jolt when it happened. Sokka and Hakoda looked at one another in alarm, each putting down their drinks and standing. 

A moment later they saw Katara burst from the doorway of one of the smaller balconies; she looked distressed as she pushed through the crowds, clearly rushing to get away from there.

The two Water Tribe warriors watched as Shiatsu ran to her side, trying to calm her, to stop her. They couldn’t hear what was said between them, but Katara shrugged the Firebender off, and continued her dash for the door.

“I’ll go after Katara,” Hakoda said to his son, “You go and see what happened on that balcony.”

The two split ways, weaving and pushing past the throngs of startled people to get to their perspective destinations. 

Right as Sokka was reaching the doorway to the balcony, Aang burst through the crowd, running right into his one-time Water Tribe brother.

“Whoa there!” Sokka stopped him, “Where do you think you’re going so fast?”

Aang looked right past him, his eyes locked on the door. “Katara! She came out this way. I have to get to her!”

Sokka put both his hands on Aang’s chest, holding him back. “No.”

For the first time Aang turned his focus to Sokka. Then his nose curled in a snarl. Lighting fast, Aang brought his hands up between both of Sokka’s that were holding Aang back and batted them off him. Then he pushed Sokka backward. Hard. 

“I trusted you to take care of her! But she is NOT okay!”

Stumbling backward, Sokka very nearly lost his footing, the crowd parting to make room for the scuffle. Standing back up he faced the angry Avatar. “And whose fault is that?!” 

Aang yelled, “I know!” Before doubling over in anguish, grabbing his head with both hands.

Sokka knew what Aang was battling against. And he knew this was no place for an explosion.

Grabbing Aang by the elbow he hauled the Airbender back out onto the balcony, tossing him toward the stone railing as he unceremoniously pushed the gawking crowd back and shut the glass doors. The doors certainly wouldn’t keep curious eyes from seeing, but it was the best he could do for a little privacy right now.

Sokka eyed Aang apprehensively for a moment, but when the Avatar stood up with no signs of glowing, Sokka let him have it. 

“What were you doing with her, Aang?! You’re supposed to leave her alone!”

“I’m sorry! I’ve tried!”

“Well try harder.”

“What if I’m not sure if I want to anymore? What if it’s not right to...?”

Sokka clenched his teeth in angry disbelief. Was he really hearing this? “You better be kidding.”

This time Aang took the offensive, “Why?! So you and Hakoda can continue keeping Katara in a box!? I trusted you two to take care of her! I agreed to step out of her life to make things better for her. But Katara is clearly not okay! 

Sokka bristled, “It’s for her own good, Aang!”

“But she’s not safe like she is!”

“What she’s not safe with is YOU!”

Aang’s dark brows raised in hurt. But Sokka plowed forward. “Like just barely! What was that, Aang? You’re still… out of control!” 

Aang swallowed blinking fast as Sokka continued, “And you’re not the only threat, Aang! That Face-Stealing thing… Katara needs to stay away from you!”

“Koh’s quarrel is with me.”

“And you don’t think he would use Katara to get at you?”

Sokka could see in Aang’s expression that he had hit his mark, his friend stepping backward as though he had been struck. Fear flashing in his eyes.

But Aang’s expression hardened again almost immediately, gesturing toward the balcony as though Katara was still there, “But just now… she was… hurting herself – completely distraught! How long have you known she’s…? How long has she been this way?!”

Sokka relaxed his defensive stance, standing upright with a long sigh. “Katara… she’s had some… complications, pretty much since the beginning.”

Aang continued to look at him, his dark eyes penetrating, listening intently. 

“I don’t know what we were expecting exactly. I mean, nearly every experience she’d had in the previous fifteen years of her life involved you. So we knew there would be… holes - things she wouldn’t remember.”

Sokka brought his hand up to his brow, pinching slightly.

“But what we weren’t prepared for was her emotional responses. It’s as though she can’t remember you, but she can still feel… connections, from before. Small things, like she’d stand on the hill and stare for hours at the village kids penguin sledding, or she’d finger the weave of a baby basket over and over with tears in her eyes.” 

Aang made no attempt to interrupt, still listening attentively, so Sokka continued. 

“Most of the time she was alright. But we noticed her… episodes… were always worse when she’d gleaned some new piece of information about her past. At first we even tried to tell her, giving her a little knowledge at a time, but nothing satisfied her. In fact the more she learned, the worse she seemed to get. Sometimes she would slip into a depression; other times she’d explode violently; sometimes she’d even get sick.” 

“Eventually, Dad decided she wasn’t to be given any more information about her past life, about her life with you. Things were better that way. Safer for her.”

Aang seemed to deflate, his shoulders drooping in defeat. He sat heavily on the balcony railing. “All this time?... She’s been this way all along?”

“It usually doesn’t happen without a catalyst, something to tip her over the edge. She just doesn’t know how to process her emotions, the loss she feels.”

Aang looked up at Sokka from his seat on the railing. “Sokka, it can’t last like this. Katara is smart, and tenacious. You’ve got to know she won’t be kept oblivious forever.”

Sokka listened to Aang’s words. Their familiar warning something Sokka’s rational mind had long known, and just as long ignored.

“You need to tell her, Sokka.” Aang seemed to resign himself to some personal conflict. “Tell her about her past. It’s damaging her not knowing. Do you want her to learn it from some nobody on the street who lets slide that she was once married to the Avatar?! The whole world knows more than she does about her own life! She isn’t in the South Pole anymore, where Hakoda can mandate what information she gets. This isn’t going to go well if you don’t tell her.”

Sokka looked long and hard at Aang before speaking. “But are you prepared for that? For her to be enlightened about what happened. All of what happened?”

The tall Airbender suddenly looked smaller, like he was once again that twelve-year-old kid with the weight of the world on his shoulders. 

“If it would help her… I guess… I guess I’ll have to be.”

Sokka sat down next to Aang, resting a commiserating hand on his shoulder. “But what will she choose to do with the knowledge, Aang? We can’t give her back what she’s lost.”

“I know.”

“And frankly I don’t think it’s worth the risk. Katara is better off not knowing.”

Aang sat quietly for a long moment, clearly thinking it all over. Sokka could see that his resolve seemed to falter for a moment, before standing up again and pulling out Appa’s bison whistle from inside his robes. Taking a giant Airbender breath, Aang blew into the silent whistle. 

Sokka stood as well. “What are you doing?” he asked warily.

Aang hopped up on the banister, perching lightly on its edge. “I’m going to find Katara. And I’m going to tell her everything.”

And then he jumped off the edge. Sokka watched as the Airbender landed lightly several stories below before taking off in a run. Sokka could see Aang blow the whistle again as he ran away, a cloud of dust kicking up in his wake.

……………

Chief Hakoda had followed after his daughter as quickly as he could, but even so Katara had managed to leave the Palace and its grounds before he could catch up with her. However after speaking briefly with some of the Palace guards, Hakoda was confident he knew where she was headed: back home to her dormitory room at the university in the middle ring. 

Knowing this, Hakoda slowed down his pursuit just a little. He hated to admit it, but he was starting to feel his age. He would catch up with Katara eventually, even if it wasn’t until he arrived at her dorm. Perhaps the time alone would be good for her, give her a chance to calm down, process whatever had trigged this.

Hakoda wondered what had triggered her episode this time.

This is exactly why Hakoda had not wanted Katara to leave the South Pole. What if he wasn’t here tonight? Who would be there to help Katara process her confusion, her emotions? Who would be there to help her see her world through the proper lens?

The night was warm and the sky clear. Not a bad night for a late stroll… if it weren’t for the nagging fear in Hakoda’s gut. What more could he do for Katara? How could he keep her safe if she was so far away?

Hakoda was just crossing the legal checkpoint between the upper and middle rings when he heard a familiar bison groan from somewhere in the dark sky overhead. 

Looking up, he saw a yellow-clad monk jump from the top of the dividing wall between the two rings to the eaves of the elaborate building ahead of him. From his perch on the sharp peaked roof, Aang brought something to his mouth and blew. As Hakoda watched him, Aang looked down at the Chief, their eyes locking for a moment. 

Hakoda felt his lip draw downward in a scowl. Something in the Avatar’s gaze told the old Water Tribe Chief where he was headed. And for some reason Hakoda was sure he knew exactly what he was going to do there.

The two looked at one another for one more frozen moment, Hakoda’s heartbeat racing faster, until Appa’s rumbling voice was heard again, louder this time. Aang looked up then, gaging the distance he jumped unnaturally high just as Appa swooped overhead, the Airbender landing on the great bison’s head.

It was dark enough that he could not see well, but Hakoda could just make out Aang take the reins and steer Appa left toward the university.

Hakoda quickly retrieved his travel documents from the customs officer before he began to run.

He had to get to Katara before the Avatar ruined everything. 

Again.

………….

Katara eyes were bleary with tears as she squinted to fit her key into her dormitory room when she heard Appa’s groan from up above her. Looking up she could just make out the shape of Appa’s massive body hovering above, a white spot against the stars. 

A moment later, Aang dropped down from the sky, his glider twirling and snapping shut.

“Aang!” Katara didn’t know how she should feel about seeing him here. Angry? Embarrassed? Offended? Mostly right now, she just felt tired, her head throbbing with a splitting headache. “What are you doing here?”

Aang’s face was dark, the lanterns surrounding the small dormitory courtyard casting his face into shadow. But as he stepped forward into the light, she could see that his eyes were serious, a gleam from the torchlight reflecting in their grey depths.

“Katara…”

“Aang, I don’t... I can’t deal with you right now. I’m tired...”

“Katara, please. I’m here to…”

“No, Aang! Enough!” Katara turned her back to him, attempting once more to open her locked door. “I can’t deal with anymore lies right now!”

“And what about the truth?”

Katara froze, key held aloft. She turned and looked at him calculating. What did he mean? She didn’t know if she dared permit the hope that rose within her, the hope that he would finally help her make sense of her senseless life.

Or maybe he would simply try to manipulate her, like everyone else?

“Katara,” Aang stepped forward and grasped her hand. She tried to pull it back but he held on tighter, forcing her to look up at him. “I’m here offering you the truth. All of it. I’ll tell you everything you want to know.”

Aang looked over his shoulder, as if he expected someone to come and join them. “But I can’t tell you here. We have to go!”

“Go? Go where?!”

“Away from here, Katara.” Aang took the key from her hand and deftly opened her door. “Your father... he doesn’t want me to tell you the truth.” Aang walked into her room and grabbed a satchel from a hook on her wall and began stuffing things into it. Katara was stunned by how confidently he did this, as though he knew exactly what she would need and where to find it. He even knew to grab one of her waterskins, pulling it over his head and shoulder to wear across his chest.

When he was finished, he grabbed Katara’s hand again and led her from the room and back out into the courtyard. 

“Katara, I need to tell you what happened… between us.” Katara could tell that the words were hard for Aang to speak, some unknown hesitation holding him back. “But I can’t tell you here. We have to leave. Now!”

Katara was stunned. To suddenly be offered what she wanted most. And by the person she wanted most. It felt too surreal. Maybe she was indeed losing her mind.

With the satchel full of her things on one shoulder and her waterskin draped across him, Aang tapped his glider on the ground, snapping it open wide. Then placing his glider on his back, Aang held one arm out to her, his dark eyes again shining in the lantern light, “I promise I’ll bring you back. But for now, we have to go!”

He looked so inviting that Katara nearly found herself walking right into his arms.

But wait! Run away with him?! Was she crazy? Katara considered the whispers she had heard, about how the Avatar was dangerous…

Perhaps running away with the Avatar would have been something she would have agreed to when she was younger, before she had ever left the South Pole. But now? She was a responsible adult now; she knew things about the world she hadn’t understood then. She was no longer a naïve child. 

Katara reminded herself that she barely even knew Aang. She wasn’t sure if she should trust him…

And yet she did. Implicitly.

Aang stood waiting, his glider spread open on his back.

“I must be losing my mind,” she muttered to herself.

“You’re not crazy, Katara. I’ll tell you… anything you ask.” Aang bent down and pressed his hand spread-fingered on the ground. “But we’ve got to go now!”

Katara took several steps forward, only stopping when she was half an arms length from Aang. 

“Katara!”

Katara’s head snapped behind her to see her father just rounding the corner of the courtyard.

“Katara! No, don’t!” her Dad’s arm was outstretched toward her.

Aang’s voice came in her ear, “It’s now or never, Katara. You can stay, but I won’t… I won’t be allowed near you again after this.”

Katara spared one last glance at Hakoda, a desperate plea on his face, before she turned back around and grasped Aang around the neck, the two of them taking off on his glider, up to where Appa hovered in the air above them.  
…………


	12. Chapter 12

…………

Aang had always been a bit impulsive.

Even for an Air Nomad, a people that were known for spontaneous behavior, he could be especially reckless. As a child he was always the first kid to jump off a cliff or to pull a hasty prank without thinking it through. He hadn’t thought twice before tying that pair of feuding mountain goat-coons tails together and setting them loose in Monk Tashi’s study, or before filling the communal bean sprouts with zap-worms (not even considering how terrifying that would be for the worms!). Even after getting married, Katara had always teased him that his bag was packed before he’d even considered a destination and that getting lost must be his way of finding his purpose. Even now Aang was notorious for leaping before he looked.

But as Aang chanced a glance backward at the woman in Appa’s saddle, he was sure he had never made a more rash decision in his life than kidnapping the Southern Water Tribe Chief’s daughter. This was insanity! There’s no telling how the world would react to the Avatar abducting royalty for his own purposes.

It’s not that Aang hadn’t imagined a hundred times already doing just this: taking Katara and running away with her. But this reality was nothing like his fantasies. They weren’t planning to hide from the world, to build a secret life together, to leave the past behind them.

With the promises he had made to Katara tonight, he was in fact running _toward_ his problems. And it felt very out of step with his usual comfort zone of Avoid & Evade. Despite his actions’ appearance as ‘turning tail and running’ as Toph would put it, he was in reality standing firm in front of that boulder (Aang wondered idly if his Earthbending Sifu would be proud). But as he thought of the proverbial boulder rolling towards him, Aang pushed down his fear that he might not be the only one standing in harm’s way.

As Aang surveyed the dark night landscape below, he considered where would be the best place to stop for what remained of the night. It was already late (or should he say early?), but his destination was a two-day journey, and Appa (and his riders) needed rest.

As Aang pulled down on the reins, guiding Appa into a descent over the Tianhua Mountains, his stomach plummeted as he considered what he had promised Katara. That he would answer _all_ of her questions, that he would tell her _everything_. Tonight might very well be the last time she would look at him without accusation, without seeing him for the monster that he is.

His resolve faltered. His mind spun with excuses for sharing _just enough_ and no more. He couldn’t imagine how he would speak the words. How he could ever look her in the eye again. Could he really endure her hatred?

Questions burdened Aang as he brought Appa down for a landing in a clearing overlooking Chameleon Bay, a place they had often used as a campground before starting the long journey over water that awaited them.

Could he really be blamed for wanting things to stay as they are between them now for one more night? To delay shattering what fledgling friendship (or more?) they had for just a little while longer?

……………

Katara looked up when she felt Appa begin to descend. It was late and she knew she ought to be tired -- it had been a long and troubling day to be sure – but she was too full of questions to think of sleeping.

She looked at the immaculate blue line on the back of Aang’s head and neck – he had barely spared her a glance since the two had fled Ba Sing Se, seeming unusually introverted, apparently deep in thought.

As Appa landed six footed on the grass, Aang stared ahead for another minute before finally turning to face her.

“It’s late, Katara. We’ll need to make camp here for tonight.”

He avoided eye contact with her, but she didn’t get the feeling it was due to deception; more like… sadness, perhaps?

It was dark, but the night was clear and the stars and the moon shone bright. She watched Aang as he began moving about, making camp.

Katara wanted to make lighter whatever load Aang was grappling with. But there was something she needed to know.

“So… what is Toph going to think? Of the two of us running away together?”

Aang looked at her puzzled for just a moment before he caught her meaning, and despite himself he laughed. “Oh, right! Toph.” Aang rubbed the back of his neck guiltily. “Well since we are on a journey of truth here I should probably start with telling you that that was a lie. I was never dating Toph. Even the single date we pretended to be on was an abysmal failure.”

Katara raised her eyebrow at him. Somehow she wasn’t surprised. And strangely enough, right now she wasn’t really mad about it either. She had a feeling that this was small game compared to the lies she was about to discover, and her heart couldn’t seem to muster a heated response.

“O-kay. Good to know.” Katara smiled sardonically, “I guess I won’t worry about revenge from a jilted Greatest Earth Bender in the World coming my way then?”

Aang laughed too. “Nope. Definitely not.” He cleared his throat, “If anything Toph is probably cheering us on right now. She’s…” Aang looked away awkwardly, “she’s never been a fan of how… things were handled…”

Katara began to ask him more but before she could Aang quickly turned away to work on airbending the large saddle off Appa’s back. The giant creature groaned in relief, and immediately lumbered a few paces away, turning in a circle before plopping down on a soft spot of grass with a relieved grunt.

Katara went over to the saddle and began pulling out things they would need for the night. She was surprised by how natural it felt to unpack. Her hands didn’t hesitate as they untied the knots keeping the tarp secured over the supplies Aang kept in Appa’s saddle; these weren’t Water Tribe knots, but her hands didn’t falter. Katara moved the cooking pot and some foodstuffs to reveal the blanket she knew would be underneath before then retying the same foreign knots to keep the food inside safe from foraging animals. This act of setting up camp with Aang felt as rehearsed and well-worn as dancing at the gala had; some sort of muscle memory that took no thought at all.

Aang had already started a campfire and was just earthbending a tent, when Katara came up and spoke from behind him. “It’s such a nice night; I don’t think we need a tent. Can we just sleep under the stars, Aang?” Aang looked startled, like he wasn’t expecting her to be so close. Rubbing the back of his neck nervously he replied, “Of course, Katara. Anything you want.” A solid horse stance and a sweep of his arms sent the stone tent back into the ground.

Appa lifted his head and bellowed in irritation. “Sorry about the noise, Buddy. I know you’re tired.” Aang said speaking to his bison. “We should all get some rest.”

But Katara lifted her hand in objection. “But not yet, right? I mean, you promised me the truth.”

Aang rubbed at the back of his neck again, looking clearly uncomfortable. “Riiight. The truth. So um… don’t you think it’s a bit late? As is we won’t get more than a few hours of rest before the sun comes up again…”

But Katara stood resolutely, the blanket still in her arms. “But I’ve already waited so long...”

“So what’s one more night, right?” Aang evaded as he stepped around her to face the fire.

Katara’s eyebrows lowered in irritation. “Don’t yank me around, Aang. I came with you for the truth!”

“I know, I know,” he placated, turning to her with his hands up to calm her. “And I will. I’ll tell you everything I can. But, you see, this isn’t going to be easy for me. The things I have to tell you.” He looked down at the ground, “they’re… painful.”

Katara’s eyes opened in surprise. “Painful? For _you_?”

Aang’s eyes spoke volumes, though he said nothing.

At long last Aang looked back into the fire and spoke, “Listen, Katara, I know I promised you answers, and I’ll give them. But I only ask that you be… patient… with me. Please understand that I can’t tell you everything at once.”

Katara nodded.

“But I can tell you some of it. Tonight. If you want…?”

Katara walked over and took a seat by the fire, beckoning for Aang to join her. As the Airbender gracefully folded down next to her she could see conflict in his expression, as though he wasn’t sure how to begin.

“So, um, you think we just met about a month ago, right?”

Katara nodded again. “Yes. At Iroh’s teashop.”

Aang cleared his throat. “Well, that’s not exactly true. You see, I’ve known you since… since I was twelve years old. You were the one who freed me from the iceberg that I was frozen in for a hundred years.” He looked her in the eyes with a depth of emotion that almost took her breath away, “Your face was the first thing I saw when I woke up.”

“But how could I…?” Katara began in confusion, before she let the sentence drift off, the magnitude of this revelation only beginning to sink in.

“You and Sokka found me, and for the next year the two of you traveled around the world with me as I prepared to fight Firelord Ozai. You and I, we went to the North Pole; we learned waterbending together from Master Pakku…” Aang looked like he would continue, but he closed his mouth instead, as if deciding to stop there.

Katara was stunned. This sounded like a story out of someone else’s life. And yet the pieces all fit somehow, like long missing ice blocks that fit perfectly into the dome of an igloo. She and Sokka _had_ traveled the world that year. And she _had_ learned Water Bending from Master Pakku in the North Pole.

Aang continued, “You became my best friend, Katara. I never…” Aang’s words became choked, “I never could have done it without you.”

Katara shifted her gaze from Aang to the flames before her. Her mind was spinning! How could this be true? Why would she have forgotten? How strange that she would forget that she even _knew_ Aang back then.

Katara began to rub her temples, the start of a headache beginning to pulse there.

Aang leaned in toward her, speaking softly, “Katara? Are you okay?”

“Yes, yes I’m fine. Just a little bit of a headache.”

Aang rose to his feet. “I think that’s enough for tonight. Already it’s a lot to take in.”

Katara nodded numbly, allowing Aang to pull her to her feet. It was indeed a lot to take in. She was just barely beginning to process what this meant.

“So um, are you hungry or anything?” Aang asked.

“No. Are you?”

“No.” The silence felt stifling.

“Well then…” Katara said, “shall we head to bed then?”

Aang gulped. “Um… yeah. Bed.”

She lifted the blanket draped over her arm. “I only saw the one blanket, so…?”

Aang’s eyes shone widely in the moonlight, something akin to plain old desire looked panicked back at her. In his eyes she could hear words she had never heard him speak, and yet she was somehow fluent in the language. She felt an echoing tug in her own heart. But Aang closed his eyes quickly, and shook his head. “Um, I don’t need a blanket. I don’t really get cold. You can have it.”

As Aang calmed the fire down to just a few red embers, Katara laid down on the grass, wrapping the large blanket around her. She looked covertly over to where Aang was stretching his long body out on the grass. She tried to imagine what he would have looked like as a twelve-year-old boy; she couldn’t picture it. She tried to remember anything from that first year, any memory of him in her life. But she couldn’t; not one single image of him came to her.

But as she thought about his words, telling her that they had known each other back then, that they had become the best of friends… this rang with the same kind of truth that let her know that the moon was full even when she couldn’t see it. She just felt it. And this felt… right.

………….

Sokka watched as his father paced agitatedly back and forth in the small room in King Kuei’s palace that had been set apart for the make-shift group of concerned individuals to talk privately.

Hakoda had returned to the Palace after watching Aang steal Katara away. As Sokka could expect, his dad was livid. Hakoda was generally a pretty chill guy, especially for someone who had as much responsibility as he did, but looking at him right now there was no sign of the laid back Chief.

“I want her back, and I want her back now!” He thundered. And not for the first time.

Kuei looked around nervously, not knowing what he should do to calm the Southern Water Tribe Chief. “I assure you, Chief Hakoda, my advisors tell me that there will be a steady lookout for the Avatar and your daughter. If they are spotted in the region or if they step foot anywhere back here in Ba Sing Se, we will alert you immediately.”

“But they flew _away_ from Ba Sing Se, your Highness. I’m not going to simply wait here, hoping they will return! By then it could be too late for Katara…”

Toph leaned over to Sokka, bumping him with her shoulder and whispered, “Looks like Aang finally grew a pair! Glad to see him finally taking the moose-lion by the horns.”

The comment had been meant as a whispered aside, but Hakoda heard her and turned angrily in her direction.

“I don’t appreciate your sentiment, Miss BeiFong. If you aren’t interested in helping to find my daughter, I suggest you leave.”

Sokka had never seen Toph back down from anyone, so he was supremely surprised when she did not retort, but instead silently crossed her arms and leaned against the wall.

“What about you, Firelord?” Hakoda asked turning towards Zuko, Shiatsu (who was now apparently back on duty) at his side. “What kind of help could you offer my Tribe at this crucial time?”

Zuko stood tall, clearly wearing the role of Firelord right now. “I’m afraid I don’t have much I can offer you. I don’t have any idea where they would have gone. On Appa they could have flown _anywhere_. I advised Aang to leave Katara alone; informing him that if he didn’t, the Fire Nation couldn’t get involved.” Zuko’s frown seemed to lessen momentarily. “I’m afraid my answer to you would be the same. The Fire Nation cannot get tangled in a disagreement between the Southern Water Tribe and the Avatar.”

“You realize that in withholding your aid, you are choosing a side, don’t you?!”

“I’m sorry Chief Hakoda. From the very beginning I have tried to remain as neutral as possible in this whole _situation_.”

“Neutral?! By throwing Katara under the kimodo-rhino? Letting her become the casualty of Aang’s, I mean, _the Avatar’s_ whims!”

“Dad…” Sokka tried to intervene. It was clear that his Dad was losing his rationale in all his worry.

“The Avatar has stolen my daughter! No doubt seducing her…”

Sokka snorted, “Not like they’d be traveling a new road there, Dad.”

Hakoda turned his angry blue eyes on his son, “Not now, Sokka! I don’t have patience for your lip. Don’t you realize what this means? That Katara might… that she is…”

At this point Hakoda sat down on the edge of a chair, his head down, his fingers tunneling into his hair hopelessly.

Sokka looked concerned at his despairing father before stepped forward, speaking to the group. “Thank you all for your help, I think we can consider further options in the morning.” And with that he began to usher the others out of the room. King Kuei and his advisors appeared all-too-eager to leave. While Zuko lingered an extra moment, placing his hand supportively on Sokka’s shoulder, his golden eyes portraying his concern and support, before he and Captain Shiatsu turned to leave. Finally Toph pushed off the wall she had been leaning against and walked, arms still crossed, out of the room, saying quietly to Sokka as she passed, “It’ll be okay, Snoozles. Show them a little trust.”

When the door finally clicked behind them, Sokka turned to his Dad. Hakoda still sat with his head in his hands, the look of a man completely defeated.

“Dad…?”

Hakoda dragged his hands from his hair down his face. “I just can’t believe its come to this. That after all I’ve done… to try to protect her… It’s all for nothing!”

Sokka waited as his Dad continued.

“When I found them there, I asked her to stay. I _begged_ her to stay. And she still…” Hakoda’s voice sounded stunned “…chose him.”

Hakoda looked up at his son and Sokka was taken aback by the look of betrayed hurt in his father’s eyes. “She doesn’t even know him! She has no idea what she’s doing!”

Sokka waited a moment before stating: “You realize that we are to blame for that, don’t you?”

Hakoda’s eyebrows drew together. “For her own protection!”

“And yet look where it’s taken her. By refusing to tell her about her past, we made her _unable_ to make an informed decision. And now she’s run away with a time-bomb…”

Hakoda put his head in his hands again. “All I see when I close my eyes is her broken body… what he did to her last time.”

Sokka sat down as well with a heavy sigh. “I see the same thing, Dad.”

“I just worry… that even after all we’ve done to protect her… she will end up like your mother. A casualty of my failures.”

Sokka looked over at his Dad, face serious. “Hey—” When Hakoda finally looked at his son, Sokka continued, “Mom was a casualty of _war_. Of a tyrannical nation trying to take over ours. It’s not _your fault_ Mom died.”

Hakoda reached out a hand and patted his son’s knee, “Thank you, son.” But it was clear to Sokka that Hakoda didn’t believe his words.

“Now we just need to decide what to do now, Sokka. What does Aang even plan to _do_ with Katara now that he has her?!”

“Aang told me when he left that he was going to tell her everything. He must have lured her away with promises of the truth.”

For Sokka, the biggest unknown was how Katara would react to the truth? That’s not even considering how Aang might react to _her_ reaction…? Sokka’s mouth went dry thinking of the two of them isolated somewhere together -- what if Aang couldn’t control himself? What might happen to Katara then?

And Sokka didn’t even want to think about what Aang might do to _himself_ if he hurt Katara again...

Hakoda asked despairingly, “But what will she choose to do with the truth?! What if she chooses wrong? And she gets herself killed?”

“Well that is the scary thing about truth, isn’t it? We simply can’t control what she will choose to do with it.” Sokka said, “But, Dad, what we have done… keeping Katara in the dark… I thought we were protecting her. But now I realize, it wasn’t protection; it was prison — essentially locking her up in her own ignorance. What an awful thing to do, and to _Katara_ no less! That girl has done nothing but seek ‘ _truth and knowledge’_ all her life.”

“Katara has never known what was good for her. The TRUTH is that Aang hurt her. He nearly killed her!” Hakoda looked like a man as desolate as the Si Wang Desert. “And now there’s no one to stop him from doing it again.”

Sokka felt a lump of dread sink inside him at the thought.

“We need to go after them!” Hakoda proclaimed. “But we have no idea where they have gone!”

Sokka looked down at his hands. Because that wasn’t entirely true.

When Aang had run from the balcony of the Palace earlier that night, Sokka had gone to the roof with a telescope. From the height of the Palace he could see the layout of most of the city; in the dark he could even make out where the lights ended at the inner wall. With his telescope Sokka had followed Appa’s flight; he had seen the great white bison pause at the university, before then taking a hard left directly out of the city. They had headed Southeast. In that direction there was not a lot between here and Chameleon Bay. And beyond the bay there was nothing but ocean until the TianShang Mountains: the nesting place of the Eastern Air Temple. Sokka knew Aang would want to avoid populated areas, making the abandoned Air Temple an ideal place to hide out. He knew Aang and Katara had liked to stay there in the past. Sokka couldn’t be certain, but he would bet his best whaletooth dagger that that is where Aang was headed.

Now the question was what to do with that information?

Sokka looked at his Dad wracked with worry, and he realized that perhaps one of his main motivations for going along with keeping Katara ignorant, hadn’t been for her, but had been for their Dad. Perhaps he’d been trying to protect them both.

But he couldn’t stand behind that decision anymore. Katara needed to be given a light in her own life. Her deteriorating mental status seemed to be proof of that. And there was no guarantee she would choose to stay with Aang once she knew. In fact, when you looked at the naked facts, if Aang really did tell her _everything_ like he promised, there was a good chance Katara would flat out reject him.

But it would be a gamble. And Sokka hated to gamble. No way to stack the deck in their favor at this point. They would have to just wait and see.

But Sokka owed it to his sister to trust her to make her own decision.

Sokka rose to his feet and spoke with his back to Hakoda. “It’s like you said, Dad. We have no idea where they’ve gone.”

…………..

It was the wind that first alerted her that something was wrong.

Katara awoke with a disoriented start when the blanket she had gone to sleep under began snapping noisily around her. The wind picked up intensity as she sat up, balling the blanket into her arms to keep it from being blown away.

The night was darker now, the moon having dipped her head beneath the mountains some time ago and the embers from the fire having burned out to nothing but black shadow. Katara could just make out the form of her sleeping companion a few paces off, his body twitching agitatedly in his sleep.

It took her a moment to realize that the wind was coming from him -- Aang was apparently airbending in his sleep!

Katara crawled toward him, keeping the blanket in one arm. As she neared she could hear that he was crying.

_He must be having a nightmare!_

Hesitantly, she reached out her hand and touched his shoulder. But Aang continued to convulse, his face crumpled in pain, tears leaking from his closed eyelids as he cried. Katara reached out again and shook his shoulder harder. “Aang! Wake up! You’re having a nightmare.”

Aang’s eyes suddenly sprang open, a wild panic in them as he grabbed onto her wrist. She winced at the tightness of his grip. For a split second he looked at her without seeing her, his eyes dark and tortured, but when his eyes finally focused, and he registered who she was, he yanked her down into a desperate embrace and sobbed.

“Katara! Oh spirits, it’s you!” His shoulders trembled as relieved sobs rumbled from his chest. He held her all the tighter to him. “You’re here. You’re safe!”

Katara didn’t know what to do. She had no idea what he had dreamed, but she could see that whatever it was, he was clearly distraught.

“It’s okay, Aang,” she crooned softly, letting him crush her to him, “It’s all okay. I’m here. None of it was real.” She lay next to him and began to gently stroke the side of his face, barely able to see him in the dark. “It’s okay. I’m here. You’re not alone. Everything is alright now.” Eventually Aang’s sobs lessened, his body beginning to relax a little.

As Aang’s breathing began to even out, he apologized tiredly, “I’m so sorry Katara… I just…”

Katara shushed him gently. “Shhh, no need to apologize. I’m here. I’ve got you. Just go back to sleep…” she soothed, still holding him and stroking his head and neck gently.

Katara was a little surprised when Aang rolled in closer to her and rested his head against her with a heavy sigh, one long arm flung over her. Blushing and unsure what else to do, Katara just let him hold her and after a time, when his breathing eased it became clear that he had fallen back asleep.

Katara looked up into the darkness, unsure of how she should feel about the Avatar being curled around her while he slept. She knew she ought to be concerned; she ought to extradite herself and put a respectable distance between them. But frankly she didn’t want to. It was clear that Aang needed her. And now that she was in his arms, she realized that maybe she needed him too.

Katara reached for the blanket and threw it awkwardly over the two of them, not wanting to disturb Aang has he clung to her. Even though he was already calm again, already sleeping, Katara continued to murmur to him softly.

“Everything is alright now. I’m here. I’ve got you.”

…………

They had kept it a secret at first.

When Katara had told Aang that she was pregnant -- _that he was finally going to be a Dad!_ \-- they had kept it a secret from the world. Aang had _loved_ having such a marvelous secret, while simultaneously feeling like keeping the exciting news inside might eat him alive!

The two had wanted children, been ready to welcome them into their home, since the time they were first married. They used to joke with one another about the dozens of children they would have – a whole airball team at least! – and how they would all one day pile on the Appa Express together and tour the world.

But things didn’t pan out like they had expected, and year after year passed with no pregnancy, no babies.

Honestly, the topic of them having children had been of annoying interest to too many people even long _before_ they were even married. The assumption that the only way to repopulate the Air Nomads would be for Aang to have children was a topic that began to haunt him shortly after the end of the Great War. And once Aang and Katara were married, friends, acquaintances and strangers alike all seemed to have opinions and pressures to add to the matter. When could they start having kids? Would their children be Airbenders? How soon could Aang begin training them? What if they weren’t Airbenders? Or even benders at all?

“You know it’s none of their business!” Katara had seethed.

“I know, Sweetie.”

“This is between you and me! I wish the rest of the world would just keep their big noses out of it!”

“I’m sorry about all the pressure…”

“Do you know what Gran Gran said yesterday? ‘ _Katara, my one wish is to hold your posterity in my arms before I die_ ’ – what?! What kind of pressure is that?! It’s not like we don’t want…” but Katara’s words had cut off in a sob.

The two had held one another, understanding and bearing their burdens as one.

It wasn’t until after five years of wishing and wanting that they were finally, _finally!_ blessed with a baby growing in Katara’s womb.

The night Katara had told Aang the news was their five-year anniversary. The two had stolen away for a few days together on Ember Island. Zuko had given them use of his private box at the theatre (where Aang at long last _finally_ got to make out with Katara during the Ember Island Players!). After the show the two had taken their shoes off and walked along the sandy beach, hand in hand in the moonlight. Katara had worn the dress Aang had given her, and he eyed her legs appreciatively as she hiked the long skirt up over her arm to keep it out of the water.

Their laughter echoed up and down the deserted beachfront by their small rented hut. Laughter and the taste of salt in the air and the feel of toes in sand that even now was warm from being baked all day in the sun. The back and forth of the waves bring a peace that was wide and full.

“Aang, I’ve got something to tell you.” Katara tried (and failed) to hold back her smile.

Aang’s eyebrow cocked, “Oh yeah?” He pulled her up against him, their hands entwined and pinned behind her back as he leaned in for a kiss. “I’m all ears.”

Katara freed one hand and flicked one of his big ears, “Well we all know that!”

“Hey!” Aang mocked hurt, “These big guys are important. They’re my superpower!”

Katara laughed, “You can bend four elements, and the energy of another human being, AND command the combined power of all the Avatars before you, and your _ears_ are your superpower? Do tell!”

Aang flicking his own ear teasingly, “These babies, they’re my good luck charm. We all know that _you_ couldn’t resist them, right?” He bobbed his eyebrows suggestively. “Yeah, it’s all in the ears.”

“You are ridiculous!” Katara laughed, her voice ringing out like the taste of candied moon peaches.

“Just you wait, Katara. I’m going to pass these beauties on to each and every one of our…” Aang stopped abruptly. Its not that they didn’t talk about their future children, its just that in recent years, with all the disappointment, Aang had tried not to bring the topic to the forefront.

“To each and every one of our what, Aang?” That same smile was back on her face. Aang scrutinized her for a moment, her reaction so unlike the sadness he was used to when this particular issue came up.

“Katara...? What was it you wanted to tell me?”

Her smile broadened even wider, “Well, we might just be finding out how much of a dominant gene those ears are sometime very soon…”

Aang’s eyes opened in hopeful surprise, and then quickly clouded with reservation, like he was afraid to jump to the best conclusion. “Do you mean…?”

“How would you like to be a Papa, Aang?”

Aang nearly flew off the ground, “Really?! You mean it? You’re…? We’re going to have a baby?!”

Katara nodded excitedly.

With that Aang turned to the ocean, both fists brought to the sky in triumph as he whooped loudly. Then he picked Katara up and spun her around, happiness filling them up past the brim until it sloshed around their ankles like the ocean waves they stood in.

The next day the pair decided to keep Katara’s pregnancy a secret between just the two of them, for a while at least. Over these past few years of infertility, the invasive questions had subsided just a little, and the couple was loath to reignite interest in the topic too quickly.

“The only two people that matter in this are you and me, Aang. This is _our_ thing. _We_ get to decide. Other people will always have their opinions, but they don’t have to matter to us.” Katara had looked up into Aang’s eyes with so much love, so much determination.

“I choose you. And you choose me. And how we do the rest, is up to us.”

………….


	13. Chapter 13

………….

They hadn’t even known what was happening at first. All they knew was that they were under attack.

They were only about two days’ journey outside of Omashu. Their plan had been to travel all together for the first few days, before they would need to split off: Chief Hakoda, Sokka and Suki, along with their small group of Water Tribesmen back to the Poles; Zuko and his entourage back to the Fire Nation; Toph had planned to hitch a ride with Aang and Katara back to Republic City.

They had all gathered for the funeral of Aang’s friend, King Bumi, and also to be witness to the crowning of Bumi’s hand-picked successor, Advisor Gu, as the new King of Omashu. Prior to the coronation there had been rumors of possible descent among the people over King Bumi’s choice of successor; but there had been no open rebellion and the ceremony had gone off without a hitch.

Turns out the mutinous general, General SongLi, had stood ‘loyally’ at King Gu’s right hand during the coronation ceremony; no one even suspecting him of his plans to wait and overthrow the King after the coronation. 

General SongLi had been King Bumi’s top general; and he had the loyalty of the Omashu army – a fact the Traitor took full advantage of. SongLi had more covert plans than all out rebellion for taking over rule of Omashu. Plans that started with the elimination of his biggest threat: the Avatar and his party. The General had sought to destroy the Avatar, who had a personal loyalty to King Bumi and the power to unite the nations against him.

All of this was discovered after the fact, of course, in the aftermath of the battle, upon interrogation of SongLi’s surviving soldiers.

The General himself was found among the dead: a casualty of the Avatar’s unhinged wrath.

But at the time of attack, none of the Avatar or his friends knew why they were being ambushed.

It was early morning when it happened; most of their number still asleep in their tents. Toph had been the first to awaken, becoming aware of the presence of the army – but they were on top of them before even she had time to alert anyone. It had come as a total surprise. They had no idea who was attacking, or why.

Anyone’s first guess was that they were after Zuko. Old offenses die slowly, and there were many in the Earth Kingdom who still hated the Fire Nation.

Aang had rushed disoriented from his and Katara’s tent, ready to go to the defense of his friend. But upon arrival at Zuko’s tent, the Fire Lord’s rather extensive Fire Guard had already beat him to it, having surrounded their Lord in quick defense.

If only Aang had known. The Fire Lord was not the number one target – he, and his family were.

Aang had first noticed the Omashu Army insignia on the third man he had blown backward into the trees. Omashu army? Was this an officially sanctioned attack?!

The soldiers kept coming at him, a seeming relentless stream of weapons and earth raining down. But he had access to all four elements here. And he had his friends. He could see Sokka and Suki in the throng, wielding sword and fan as true masters of their arts; Toph, taking down soldier after soldier as she anticipated their every move.

But where was Katara?! He never should have left her in the tent!

Aang hadn’t wanted her to come on this trip in the first place. Katara was due to have their baby any time now and Aang had worried that traveling this late in her pregnancy might be dangerous. But Katara hadn’t listened to him. He had suggested she stay home; but she had insisted on coming, insisted on being there for him at the funeral of his old friend.

And he had been so grateful for her support. Until now. Now he felt nothing but ragged dread. Where was she? Oh why had he left her side?!

Aang’s heart had stopped when his eyes finally found her in the battle, water out and fighting. It had been just a split moment before he saw the stone spike burst from the ground at her feet.

……..…

Katara awoke startled, as though she had been hit in the gut. She had been dreaming -- intense dreams full of emotion -- but when she woke she couldn’t remember what the dreams had been about. In many ways, Katara felt like her whole life was like this: she could feel the intensity of emotions from her past, but try as she might she simply could not remember the circumstances surrounding them.

When Katara opened her eyes, she could see that the sun was shining brightly through the blanket she had pulled over her head.

Katara groaned. Mornings.

Suddenly remembering, Katara reached out behind her, feeling the empty grass where Aang had slept beside her. She could vaguely recall Aang having gotten up some time ago and tucking the blanket back around her when he left. Heat rose to her cheeks as she remembered how she and the Avatar had nestled together in the night. In the darkness it had felt so comforting, so right. But now, in the daylight, Katara felt abashed. What had she been thinking?!

 _You weren’t thinking._ She answered herself. _You were letting your emotions make all the decisions._

Katara vowed to be more… discrete… today. As she pulled the blanket off her head and squinted against the blinding morning sunlight, she determined not to lose her head just because Aang was around.

Aang.

Long into the night Katara had contemplated what he had told her; that the two of them had been friends, that they had known each other since they were kids. The revelations had been earth-shattering for her, as though her universe had just shifted its center of gravity. But the new orbit felt right, it felt true.

And what reason would Katara have to doubt what Aang had told her? What did he stand to gain? And frankly the ideas he had shared with her were too absurd to be made up: either Aang was flat-out crazy to make up such a fantastical lie, or it was all true. Katara knew it must be the later.

Katara felt justified knowing that her long-held belief that Aang was important to her was true. Perhaps more of the impressions and emotions she had long attributed to borderline insanity were not quite so crazy as well?

She was hungry to know more.

Katara got up and looked around. She couldn’t see Aang anywhere. Even Appa was no longer where he had bedded down for the night. But she didn’t feel alarmed. It all felt routine: Appa flying off to graze some breakfast for himself, and Aang… well she didn’t know what he was up to, but she knew this ought to feel normal.

Changing into some new clothes (Aang had packed exactly what she needed) Katara set out to find Aang.

In the light of day, this place looked familiar. Katara knew that she had been here before, perhaps a lot of times. But the memories felt hazy, like they were wrapped in heavy gauze.

As Katara moved closer to the sound of the ocean, she saw Aang with his legs crossed in lotus sitting on the beach, the long blue line of the tattoo on his strong back towards her. As she circled around him she could see the arrows on his fists pointing towards one another, his eyes closed in peaceful mediation. He didn’t stir when she approached.

Katara didn’t want to interrupt him.

But she did take this unobserved moment to look at him. Aang looked beautiful sitting there so serene and calm, his blue-arrowed brow relaxed and peaceful in the morning light. Katara couldn’t help but glance at the rest of him as well. Aang’s built was not nearly so bulky as she was used to in Water Tribe men, but despite his lithe build, he was lean and toned. _He’s perfect_ , she thought before quickly pushing down the thought with a deep blush, deliberately turning her head away from the shirtless Avatar.

Taking a calming breath Katara approached the ocean. She stood enjoying the sound of the waves ebbing in and out and smelling the salty sea breeze as it blew through her hair. Removing her outer tunic, Katara stepped into the shallows and began moving through some of her favorite waterbending katas.

She was just moving through the second set when unexpectedly the stream of water she was guiding pulled left when she went right. Surprised she dropped the water and looked back toward Aang. But the Airbender still sat expressionlessly in his meditation.

So Katara began the form again; however, a moment later once again she felt the water resist her when she moved right. She looked back once again at Aang, who still sat motionless, eyes closed in lotus position. However, if she wasn’t mistaken, Katara thought she could just see the shadow of a smirk playing on his lips.

A smirk found its way to her own lips as well as she turned back toward the ocean and began the kata again. This time when she came to that move in the kata, instead of guiding the stream right as the form prescribed, Katara shifted left, coupling her bending with the outside pull she felt from behind. Then using the momentum of both of their commands Katara spun and sent the water arching backwards, smacking the “meditating” Avatar (although this time he was caught with his arms out attempting to toy with her bending) soundly in the side of the head.

Aang sputtered a laugh and feigned scandal, “What was that for?!”

“Caught you red-handed Mr. Avatar!” Katara laughed triumphantly.

Aang floated to his feet as he tipped his head to the side, hitting lightly on the side to shake the water out of his opposite ear. “I’m shocked Miss Water Tribe, truly shocked!” his tone lacking any ounce of innocence. “ _Ambushing_ a poor monk while he meditates…

And with that Aang pulled back into a deep lunge, the ocean following his movement in a tremendous wave that crashed over Katara, a startled gasp escaping her as the chill water soaked her from head to foot.

“Oh you ought to know better than to pick a water fight with a Waterbending Master, Aang!”

And judging from Aang’s challenging smirk, he _did_ know. Thus back and forth the two played, soaking one another with their waterbending. Laughing and sputtering they tossed one another into the water, each trying to further soak the other until at long last Aang crawled out of the waves on his hands and knees and laid defeated on his stomach in the sand laughing, “Okay, I give up, I surrender!”

Katara surfed over, hopping off her ice-board victoriously as she reached his side and plopped down laughing in the sand by his side. “Had enough, eh?”

Aang’s chest still on the sand he lifted his hands up in surrender, “Absolutely! I’m at your mercy, Sweetie!”

Katara’s brows rose in surprise at the pet name, and Aang’s cheeks colored as his eyes darted to hers guiltily. Then clearing his throat he corrected, “I mean, _Katara_.”

Propping himself up on his elbows he quickly changed the subject. “You’re waterbending is better than ever, Katara. I’m seriously impressed!”

Katara tried to hold back a flattered grin, “Well, these past few years, I’ve done a LOT of waterbending. One of the only times I feel centered and… _complete_ , is when I’m waterbending.”

“Funny,” Aang replied looking at the sand, “I’m just the opposite. I’m afraid I’ve neglected my waterbending. It’s still in there, and I can use it when I need it, but I don’t practice waterbending anymore.”

“It that because of… because of your wife—“

“Yeah.” Aang cut her off.

For a moment an awkward silence settled between the two of them. Katara glanced sideways at the prone Avatar, her eyes following the thick blue line up his back to where it was interrupted half-way by a large white scar.

“Where did you get that scar, Aang?” Katara asked curious.

Aang looked at her intently before pushing up and brushing the sand off himself with a sigh. Turning around to sit beside her, he looked out towards the ocean as he spoke. “This?” he asked, fingering the scar lightly behind him. “Azula shot me in the back with lighting. It happened in the Crystal Catacombs the day Ba Sing Se fell.” Then looking at her calculatingly he said, “You were there, Katara. When it happened. You saved my life.”

A cold feeling of dread and despair crawled up Katara’s spine like ice creeping up a windowpane. These were the same feelings that _always_ came to her when she thought of that day, of that place; only now she could visualize a reason for them.

“You caught me when I fell from the sky.” Aang continued, “You carried me to safety. And then you used sacred water from the Oasis in the North Pole to bring me back to life.”

Somewhere deep in her mind Katara could hear Appa’s despairing cry echo out, could feel the wind on her face as it blew tears dry on her face. Fear. Despair. Loss. Relief. All these feelings seemed to consume her.

Katara clutched at her chest as her breathing became labored. As she looked around, she recognized this place. This was Chameleon Bay. After leaving Ba Sing Se, they had found her father and the rest of the Southern Water Tribe fleet here. She closed her eyes tightly as her heart began to hammer in her ribcage.

There had been so much worry. So much anxiety. She had lost something, _someone_ , very important to her. And now she knew -- it had been Aang. She had despaired for weeks.

_Feathering short, soft hair under her fingertips…_

Abruptly Katara stood, breathing hard and looking around frantically. Aang stood as well, trying to calm her.

“It was here. I was here. With you? I spent every minute healing. Every minute healing and praying and begging you to…” A choked sob burst from Katara’s mouth. She didn’t remember. But she _felt_. And she was sure the feelings would overwhelm her.

“It was you,” she cried as Aang pulled her into an embrace. “It was _you_ that I lost here. I’ve felt it… all this time. So much pain, so much grief. But I never knew…” Another racking sob forced its way up from deep inside Katara.

Aang held her closer, holding the back of her head as she rested her forehead against his chest and cried. Aang spoke soothingly to her.

“It’s okay, Katara. I’m here. I’m here. I’ve got you.”

………….

Although Iroh much preferred teashops himself, he walked into the bar with only a slight wrinkle of his nose. Instead of the sweet aroma of jasmine and oolong, the place wafted with the stench of spilled alcohol and drunken breath; instead of intellectuals playing Pai Sho, less savory types stood gambling over darts; instead of carved wooden chairs around quaint social tables, tall bar stools stood in rows along one wall and the bar itself.

This bar was one of the oldest Water Tribe establishments in the city – a place in Little Water Town where many a Water Tribesman came to wash away his troubles. And there, now seated in one of those tall stools, sat the object of his entering this less dignified establishment in the first place.

It was Sokka who had asked Iroh to talk to his dad. Iroh did not know that he had any particular business counseling the Water Tribe Chief, but as one who knew and cared about all those involved in this conundrum, and as a father himself, he thought that perhaps he might offer Hakoda an understanding ear at the very least.

“Chief Hakoda, I see you have found a place to… reflect on recent events.”

Hakoda turned to regard the old tea maker who had once been next in line to be Firelord. “General Iroh?”

“Would you mind if I join you for a drink?”

Hakoda looked at him for a moment before pulling out the stool next to him for the Firebender. “This isn’t exactly the type of place I would expect you to frequent, General.” Then taking another sip from his bottle and looking at Iroh out of the side of his eye, “I imagine Sokka put you up to this?”

Iroh saw no reason to deny it. “Your son seemed to think that perhaps two fathers might have something to commonly commiserate together over a bottle of sake.”

“I don’t drink sake. But you can have yours and I’ll have mine,” Hakoda said with no enthusiasm. Cynicism dripped from the words as he lifted his bottle and said, “Let the commiserating commence.”

Iroh eyed the Chief with knowing eyes as he sat and ordered a bottle of sake. Hakoda’s despair was painful to witness, echoing too closely the memory of Iroh’s own.

“Still no news from King Kuei’s resources then?” Iroh began.

“No,” Hakoda breathed out a sigh as he looked at the wooden bar beneath his bottle. “But that is no surprise to anyone, now is it?”

Iroh could hear the bitter worry in Hakoda’s words, the unwilling acknowledgement that there was not much that could be done.

“You were not there, Iroh.” Hakoda abruptly stated, “You didn’t see Aang out of control; you didn’t see him burry my daughter in boulders; you didn’t try to save her life one damn piece at a time for months afterwards like I did.”

Iroh was surprised by the blunt directness in which Hakoda steered the conversation. Had this been a conversation with a fellow Fire National, Iroh was sure they would need another twenty minutes at least of beating around the tea-bush before even beginning to touching on the subject at hand. Perhaps this was simply a cultural difference.

… Or perhaps Hakoda had already been in the bar longer than Iroh had estimated.

“It is true I was not there in person that day.” Iroh said gently, “But I share in the sorrow of the tragedy.”

Hakoda harrumphed.

Iroh’s sake was set unceremoniously in front of him. The bartender did not provide an accompanying glass. Iroh was not sure if he had ever drunk sake directly from the bottle before. _Alas, there is a first time for everything_ , the old Dragon of the West thought to himself dryly before speaking.

“No one talks much about the troubles of parenting when our children become adults. Perhaps we once thought that our duties and worries would end when our children grew up. But this phase could, perhaps, be one of the trickiest chapters of all. When we lose control. We parents are so often forced to simply watch and worry.”

Hakoda nodded his head in agreement. “It is maddening to watch them make dangerous choices -- like a toddler running into the cooking fire! But at least back then, I could scoop her up and carry her to safety.”

Iroh hummed in agreement. “Indeed. The helplessness is the worst part.”

Hakoda looked probingly at Iroh then. It was not unlikely that the Water Tribesman knew that Iroh had lost his son, but it was unlikely that he was aware of the circumstances surrounding the tragedy. Iroh was unusually tight-lipped about Lu Ten’s death, and what it had put him through as a father.

Iroh took a deep breath before beginning. “My own son, Lu Ten, was twenty-one at the time of his passing. He and I were both… ‘campaigning’ the Fire Nation’s cause. We had laid siege to the Outer Wall of Ba Sing Se for six hundred days, and had just broken through. For us, it had been a day of celebration.” Iroh took his first swig of sake. “However, the following day, my son insisted on leading the expedition through the wall. I didn’t want him to, but he insisted it should be his responsibility, his honor.” Iroh took a deep breath. “But his battalion was ambushed by an Earthbending company sent underground from the inner city.”

Hakoda listened. It would be impossible to know what the Water Tribe Chief was thinking. Perhaps he would relate to Iroh as a father; or perhaps he would feel more akin to the Earthbenders who fought off the conquering Fire Nation. Regardless, Iroh continued.

“I could see the battle happening. I was on the command hill some distance off, and I could see Ba Sing Se’s fresh troupes emerge through a tunnel from under the Wall. But I had no way to alert Lu Ten. My son’s battalion was surrounded, outnumbered, and in bad terrain to fight against Earthbenders. Half the battalion was killed before they even saw the threat. The other half followed in short order.”

Iroh turned the bottle on the bar in little circles, his eyes far away, seeing it all anew. “I could see it coming, but was completely helpless to stop it.”

Hakoda turned his body towards Iroh, placing his hand on the General’s shoulder in understanding. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

It did not escape Iroh’s attention that the expression of sympathy was only on a personal level; he did not doubt that the Water Tribesman was not indeed sorry for the _battle’s_ loss. But Iroh was not disillusioned enough to think that he ought to be.

“There was nothing that could be done for Lu Ten. We did not have the gift of waterbending healers, nor do I think it could have saved Lu Ten even if we had. But my sorrow was complete. I could not cope. I gave up the Wall. Gave up the siege. I gave up on it all.”

Hakoda nodded in empathy at Iroh’s emotion. “So you can understand. Why I cannot simply sit back and… watch Katara be destroyed.”

Iroh dipped his head. “I do.”

Hakoda sat back on the stool with a sigh. “None of this has been easy. I’ve never hated Aang, and I’ve never wished for his unhappiness. I just can’t trust him. He’s dangerous, and I can’t lose my daughter because of it.”

Iroh took another sip of sake. “It is true that the Avatar has great power. The peace we now enjoy is in large measure thanks to that power.”

Hakoda tipped his head in cautious agreement.

“But like the great circling spirits that swim in the Northern Oasis, neither fish is entirely black nor white. They acknowledge the opposition within themselves by each bearing a spot of their opposing color.”

Iroh opened his hands. “And thus this opposition is within all of us, and is a part of true balance. To love is to risk the pain of loss. To parent it is to one day need to let go. For Aang, with his power comes a potential threat of being overwhelmed. But this opposition is part of what it means to be human. And the Avatar is in part, human; this current reincarnation being one that loves freely and with unusual depth. Anyone that would deny Aang his humanity, his need for connection and love, would also deny him his greatest strength and hope for stability. And I fear that the results would not be good for the world.”

Hakoda replied through his teeth. “This is not about the Avatar. I don’t care what he does. He can build connections with whoever he wants, as long as he leaves Katara alone.”

“Yes, yes,” Iroh turned toward the bar and took another drink. “Aang is not the one with whom you are concerned. I understand.” Then looking carefully at the Chief Iroh asked, “But if you will forgive my asking, what do you predict Katara will do with the information that the Avatar has promised to tell her?”

Hakoda ran his fingers distressed through his hair once, before leaning his forehead in his hand. “That is the problem. That girl has never had any sense when it came to Aang. She would run in front of a train for him (even if he was the train…).”

“Ah,” Iroh acknowledged understanding, “so you feel that she will choose to put herself in danger if she knows the truth. The hardest part about parenthood, especially once our children grow up, is to trust our children to make their own choices.”

Hakoda slammed his bottle down once on the bar, hard. “And Aang is ruining it all! Katara was safe! Safe with me in the South Pole! She didn’t have to remember; she didn’t need to make any choices that would put her in danger! I could have protected her!! Kept her safe in a way I couldn’t do for her mother.”

Iroh did not shy away from the Watertribesman’s outburst (years of living with an angsty teenaged Zuko had trained him well to weather calmly the tempers of others), but instead he let the heat from the moment dissipate slightly before redirecting the conversation.

“Have you ever heard the saying ‘To cover one’s ears to steal a bell”?

Hakoda looked at him a bit baffled by the seemingly unrelated question. “No.”

“Ah, well it comes from an ancient Fire Nation tale. One day a thief snuck into the Fire Sage’s Temple in Caldera to seal the Agni-Bell, a sacred bell used in the Ceremony of the Rising Sun. The bell was beautiful, made of brass and inlaid with gold, and it was very valuable. The Sages were gone from the temple that night, away on pilgrimage, so the thief felt it was a good time to attempt the robbery. But the Bell was too large and heavy for him to carry. So he determined to break the bell into pieces and carry them out one by one.

“But when the thief brought his hammer down upon the bell to break it, as you can imagine, it rang out loudly. Startled, the thief covered his ears. Finding that when he covered his ears, the sound diminished, the thief determined to stuff fabric in his ears and continue to try to break the bell with his hammer. He believed that if he could not hear the bell, then surely no one else could either.

“Well, as you can guess, the noise from the ringing bell quickly brought guards to apprehend the thief and restore the Agni-Bell to its proper place.”

Hakoda replied, “The man was a fool.”

“Indeed he was! ’Covering one’s ears to steal a bell’ is a saying we use in the Fire Nation, meaning that one is deceiving oneself.”

Hakoda lifted his eyebrow at Iroh, questioning.

Iroh spoke slowly, watching the Chief carefully as he said, “Perhaps it is self-deception to believe that you can continue to shelter Katara, to keep her from choosing for herself. What may appear to be protecting her from death may, in sad reality, be keeping her from living.”

Hakoda’s eyebrows lowered. It was clear he did not like what he was hearing, but he did not refute. Hakoda appeared to be considering Iroh’s words.

“I have spent a fair amount of time with Katara since her arrival here in Ba Sing Se. We have spoken in depth. It has become clear to me that she feels ... a deficit in her life. It goes without saying that her memory is incomplete, but her ability to live, to process her emotions and her experiences, is greatly hindered by how she has been kept ignorant of her own history. It is as though she is present at a succulent feast, but is unable to partake of the nourishment.”

Hakoda’s face sagged in pain. Iroh suspected that the Chief had surely observed similar truths in his daughter. “Katara… has struggled.” Hakoda said. “I know this has not been easy for her. I don’t know how to help her. I’ve done the best I can… and it is still not enough.”

Iroh spoke quietly. “For a long time following my son’s death, I covered my ear to try to steal a bell. I even journeyed into the spirit realm in search for a way to restore Lu Ten to me.” Iroh’s bushy eyebrows lifted on his forehead in pain. “But it was all to no avail.”

Hakoda turned back towards the old retired General. “Let me ask you, Iroh, father to father. If you could go back, and change Lu Ten’s choices, would you keep him from the battle that took his life?”

“Yes.” Iroh spoke the words definitively, without hesitation. “Of course I would.” But a sigh of resignation followed shortly after. “But the reality is that I cannot. Nor could I let the pain of his loss, or the fear of losing again, dictate my decisions _._ Who knows, perhaps different choices could have saved him from that battle, only for him to be lost in another? Or even another tragedy could befall him outside the war? Or perhaps he would have lived and the two of us would have spent the rest of our days fighting for an oppressive cause, bringing even more destruction upon the world? I can only speculate on the what ifs. But the point is that I did not have control. And neither, Chief Hakoda, do you. Control is an illusion that will drive us mad if we try to rely upon it.”

“At this point, this situation is out of your hands, Chief Hakoda. All that is within your power now is to choose how you will react. Perhaps now is the time to choose Faith. Faith in your daughter, and even, perhaps, a little faith in Aang, a man who you must not forget loves her dearly.”

Hakoda listened with tears in his eyes as Iroh continued.

“All we can do now is hope that what Aang has chosen to do, to tell Katara of her own life history, will yet turn out for her good.”

Iroh looked empathetically at Hakoda.

“And perhaps it will turn out for your good as well.”

……………

Aang held Katara for a long time as she cried, his own heart breaking along side hers.

Eventually her sobs subsided somewhat and Aang led Katara back to camp, sitting her down on a log as he prepared breakfast and packed up the camp. She was uncommonly quiet, not quite despondent, but not quite all present either.

Katara sat staring into nothing when Aang placed a steaming bowl of congee carefully into her hands. After a while she looked down and began to eat it absently; whether or not she tasted anything Aang simply didn’t know. Katara’s stunned state scared Aang, and he began to question if he was doing the right thing.

Once everything was packed and Appa was all saddled and ready go to, Aang turned to Katara and said, “I can take you back whenever you want to go. I can take you back right now if—“

“No!” Katara said quickly, her eyes finally focusing on him. “No, this is where I want to be. With you.”

Aang’s heart thumped loudly in his chest at the passion in her eyes.

Walking over to his animal guide, Aang patted his old bison friend and said, “Just take us to your first home, Buddy. We’re going to the Eastern Air Temple; you know the way.” And with that Aang grabbed Katara around the waist and airbended them both into the saddle before Appa took off with a mighty thump of his gigantic flat tail.

Katara remained quiet and withdrawn for much of the journey. Aang sat back in the saddle with her, the two touching shoulders as they sat side by side.

Katara’s reaction to his revelation about what had happened in the Crystal Catacombs worried Aang. He recalled what Sokka had said, that Katara’s ‘episodes’ were usually triggered by information about her past. Sokka had said that sometimes she reacted violently; sometimes she’s slipped into depression; sometimes she had even gotten sick. Aang worried about how she would react to what he still had to tell her…

Aang was pulled from his thoughts by Katara’s pinky linking with his as both their hands rested on the floor of Appa’s saddle. He looked down at their hands and then up at Katara who had a small reassuring smile on her face. Emotion caught in Aang’s throat as he smiled back at this woman he had loved nearly all his life.

This particular handhold, linking just their pinkies, had been something the two of them had begun doing early on in their relationship. At the time Aang had been so young, and yet so much was being asked of him. Rebuilding a world after a hundred years of war was anything but simple, and yet the world seemed to look to him as though he ought to know how to do it. Katara had taken to standing next to him when they were in public and discretely linking pinkies with him when she could tell he was overwhelmed. Perhaps it had fooled no one, but to them it had felt like a secret code: _I’m here. You’re not alone. You can do this._

Aang didn’t know what prompted Katara to pinky-hold with him now, but he couldn’t help but choke up just a little. _I’m here. You’re not alone. You can do this_. Perhaps it meant none of that to her, but to him? His heart couldn’t help but hope that perhaps he wasn’t alone anymore.

Katara’s mood seemed to lighten somewhat as the day wore on. At one point Aang climbed to the front of the saddle to check in with Appa. When he returned to his seat next to Katara he noticed that she was munching on fire flakes.

“Hey! How’d you find my secret stash of fire flakes?” he asked amused.

“I got munchy. And it didn’t seem like much of a secret to me. Rolled up inside a pocket in the inner flap of the tarp? Seems pretty _obvious_ to me, “she gloated teasingly. “I just knew they would be there…”

Aang chuckled to himself as he stole some flakes from the bag. It would appear that she still remembered _some_ things.

The flight to the Eastern Air Temple was entirely over water. It was late afternoon before the TianShang Mountain Range finally came into view.

As they approached one of the taller peaks Aang directed Katara’s attention to it. “Hey, Katara! Do you know how many Airbenders in history have been able to jump higher than that mountain?”

Katara looked to where he was pointing. “No way, really?! How many?”

Aang suppressed his smart-mouthed smile, “Well, pretty much all of us. Because mountains can’t jump.”

Katara laughed. Aang smirked to himself. _She’s forgotten the punch line to all of my jokes…_

“Hey Katara, what did the Airbender say when he received a comb as a present?”

“What?”

Aang pointed at his bald head. “Thanks. I’ll never part with it.”

Katara dropped her face into her hand and snorted a laughed.

_Oh, this should be fun!_

……………

“Hey Katara! Watch this!”

Aang waited for his girlfriend to turn around from the scroll she had spread out on the stone Pai Sho table in the courtyard of the guesthouse where they and their friends were staying in Caldera City.

Zuko had invited them all to come and celebrate the first revival of the Fire Lily Festival since the end of the war. Reinstituting festivals had not been at the top of Firelord Zuko’s priority list his first couple of years as Firelord, but by three years after the end of the Hundred Year War, Uncle Iroh had suggested to his nephew that amid some of the more difficult reforms his nation must swallow in their efforts to rebuild peace, perhaps bringing back a few celebrations that their culture had lost over the last one hundred years might give his people a needed moral boost.

The Fire Lily Festival had been an important yearly event in the Fire Nation for many generations long before Sozin. Even before the Fire Nation was united under the rule of a sole ruler the two-week blooming of the fire lilies was a time when the warring clans spread throughout the islands of the Fire Nation had put down their weapons to honor a period of peace. Legend held that the lilies sprang from the blood of Agni’s own daughter, who had killed herself in protest when her lover was killed at war. The blooming lilies were said to be a reminder of the unseen costs of war and were viewed as a symbol of peace. Superstition held that to shed blood during the blooming would bring down the anger of the dead princess’s ghost to rain ruin upon one’s household.

However, as the years of war pressed forward under Sozin and his posterity, a two-week suspension of violence apparently became a nuisance for the warring Fire Nation leadership, so sometime around 30 AG, Firelord Azulon abolished the festival and all the traditions surrounding it.

But Zuko was bringing the Festival back. And in honor of the peace they now enjoyed, he had invited the Avatar and his company to join in the celebrations. The festivities included five days of night markets, games, food and entertainment. Tonight would be the last night of the festival, and so far it had been a raving success.

Katara turned from the scroll she’d been reading and looked at her boyfriend who was standing on a stone pillar in the courtyard, his animal guide, Appa, resting in the shade close behind him. “Yeah, Aang?”

“Do you remember what that fire magician did last night at the carnival? Well I think I figured it out! Watch this, Katara!” And with that, Aang brought his hands over his head, making them into fists as though gripping a rope; then slicing downward, two long firewhips bursting into flame and trailed behind his slashing arms, the fire making snapping noises as Aang swung them to and fro.

But with the sudden appearance of the snapping fire, Appa reared up unexpectedly behind Aang onto his back feet and bellowing angrily. The great beast bucked in panic, a wild look in his large fearful eyes, the close quarters of the courtyard leaving him boxed in. Aang turned in surprise toward his giant friend, extinguishing the firewhips and opening his hands toward Appa as he tried to calm him. “Whoa Appa! Calm down boy!” Aang leaped off the pillar toward his friend, but just then Appa swung his great head recklessly towards him, catching the point of his great horn on the airbender as he came down. Aang cried out in pain as Appa threw him off and then reared up walking backward on his hind legs before slapping his great tail on the ground and taking to the air, knocking down the great willow tree he had been shading under in his hasty retreat.

Aang cried out and clutched his abdomen as he hit the stone floor with a thud.

“Aang!” Katara was by his side in an instant, pulling water from the pond to her hands before she had even seen the damage.

Aang clenched his eyes shut as he let out another cry of pain. Katara put her hands right over the top of Aang’s red stained hands as he held tightly to where he had been pierced. Her hands began to glow and a moment later, Aang relaxed just enough for her to push Aang’s hands out the way to better access his wound.

“Aang, Sweetie!” Katara’s voice rang with worry. “Sweetie, talk to me!”

Aang’s eyes were still shut tightly in pain, but he let out a raged breath and then answered. “Thanks, Katara…”

Several long minutes passed as Katara worked on healing Aang’s side. Luckily, Appa’s horn had not impaled him all the way though, but had just pierced the right side of abdomen before tossing Aang cleanly off. Gradually, Aang began to breath a little more easily as the pain lessened bit by bit.

As Aang laid there, the less his mind became consumed with pain, the more he began to wonder at what had happened. Appa had hurt him! His oldest friend, his animal guide, his trusted companion… had attacked him! He could hardly believe it.

Aang sat up abruptly, wincing as his eyes searched the skies. Katara grabbed his shoulders to keep him from standing. “Aang! What do you think you’re doing? Lay down, Sweetie!”

“I’ve got to find Appa, Katara! Make sure he’s okay!” 

But just then a great bellow rumbled from the sky as Appa’s shadow passed overhead, followed shortly by his six-footed landing on the other side of the courtyard opposite the fallen willow tree.

Katara supported Aang’s arm as he grit his teeth and stood. Aang approached his big friend, speaking soothing words to him as Appa eyed him cautiously, the grass beneath him flattening under the force of his snorts.

“Appa, old Buddy. What happened? Did the fire scare you? I’m so sorry, Buddy! I didn’t mean to make you nervous.” Appa’s eyes were still wide with caution, but he didn’t flinch as Aang came up to him, Katara right at Aang’s side.

Aang closed his eyes and reached out a hand, placing it spread-fingered on the forehead of his sky bison. The arrow tattoo on Aang’s hand glowed as the Avatar and his animal guide connected.

When the glow dissipated, Aang opened his eyes and spoke to his friend. “Oh Appa! I never knew!” Then keeping one hand tight to his hurt side Aang threw his other arm wide and hugging Appa’s great head as he apologized, “I’m so sorry I scared you! I would never hurt you Buddy. Never!”

Later that night after Katara gave Aang another healing session, she asked him about what he had done when he’d touched Appa’s forehead.

Aang let out a deep breath and looked at her softly. “I’m not sure exactly, but Appa and I, our energies are… connected.” Aang’s eyes unfocused for a moment, as though he was seeing something that wasn’t there. “In my mind I could see Appa in a cage… a firebender was swinging a whip at him, threatening him. I could feel the heat and I could feel Appa’s fear.” Aang felt his heart ache with empathy as he looked back at Katara. “It must have happened to him when we were separated for all those weeks…”

Aang could see compassion fill Katara’s eyes, “Poor Appa…”

Aang glanced at Katara before looking down a little ashamed. “Honestly I hadn’t understood. I was caught completely off guard. I didn’t even attempt to dodge because I never anticipated that Appa would strike at me, that he would ever _hurt_ me. I think that hurt as much as the wound…”

“Oh Sweetie,” Katara brushed her hand sweetly over Aang’s forehead. “He didn’t mean it.”

“I know.” Aang said frankly. “Appa has been through a lot. And those experiences put fear in him where _trust_ ought to be.”

“Fear can make any of us do things we would never otherwise do,” Katara said.

Aang nodded in agreement. “Guru Pathik taught me that the first chakra is blocked by fear. If we let fear rule us then we can never hope for self control, we can never achieve balance.” 

Katara took Aang’s hand in both of hers. “Well now we know to be extra careful with fire around Appa. And little by little maybe we can help him to let go of his fear, Aang. We can help him to relearn trust.”

Aang repeated her words to himself. “Yeah, we’ll help him let go of his fear… help him to relearn to trust again.”

………………


	14. Chapter 14

…………..

Aang smiled largely as he emerged with a small group of men from the large hut that served as the town tavern in the Southern Water Tribe. It was not actually a tavern, but more of just a gathering place for “men to be men” as Sokka put it. As the men ducked out of the hide-flap door they slapped Aang jovially on the back, congratulating him with loud guffaws and gripping him firmly in forearm handshakes. The teenaged Avatar smiled with obvious pride, excited joy filling his heart.

But as the men began to disperse, their last congratulations left hanging in the night air, Aang looked up to see Katara standing about ten paces in front of him, her arms crossed tersely over her chest and her mouth pursed angrily over grit teeth. For a split second Aang was grateful she was a waterbender and not a firebender, because she looked like she might burn him alive.

“Katara! Hi…” Aang started cautiously, not sure exactly what he had done to upset her, but wanting to diffuse her anger if he could. “How are you? I didn’t know you would be here…”

Teeth still clenched Katara tipped her head sarcastically. “Really? You thought I’d be where? At home cooking dinner like a good little woman?”

The smile slipped entirely from Aang’s face now. Of course he hadn’t thought anything of the sort, but it was clear that whatever had angered Katara was making her more than willing to lay on him any number of crimes.

“No, of course not,” Aang defended, his voice cracking embarrassingly. At seventeen he was mostly past that stage now, but when he was nervous his voice still sometimes betrayed him. “Why would you say that, Katara?” 

Katara took a few predatory steps toward him, arms still crossed in judgment. “Oh, I don’t know...” she began, pretending obliviousness, “maybe someone just informed me about what you were discussing with my dad just now. Discussing with him and half the men in the village!”

Aang gulped. Panic began to rise in his gut, fueled by Katara’s obvious fury and heightened by his own unsurity of why she was angry about it. He thought she would be happy!

Aang’s cheek flashed an anxious smile. “So you… you know about that? About what we talked about?” Aang asked, his hope rising nervously. 

Katara began to circle him like a buzzardwasp, forcing him to turn in a small stationary circle to keep his eyes on her. “Yes. I know exactly what you two talked about.”

Aang was still confused why this would make her so angry. He had thought she would be excited, as happy as he had been a moment ago! “And… doesn’t it… make you… happy?” He knew it was obvious that it did not, but his naïve confusion over why had him asking the stupid question anyway.

“Really, Aang?! Really??” Katara’s voice began to escalate in volume. “You really think that I would be happy that you were in there asking my father for permission to marry me?” And now the floodgates gave way completely and Katara yelled, “WHEN YOU HAVEN’T EVEN ASKED ME YET!?!” 

Oh. Aang thought dumbfounded, So THAT was the problem. Crap…

“Ka-Katara,” Aang stammered, holding his hands up carefully in front of him as her lips pursed again in infuriated silence, “I didn’t think… I mean, Sokka told me… they all said I had to a-ask your Dad… you know, for per-permission!”

Katara stood there fuming for one more long moment, before she turned abruptly on her heel and stormed off back in the direction she had come. Aang’s eyebrows rose in shocked surprise as he watched her stiff back retreating for a moment before he ran to catch up with her. 

“Katara? Please… I didn’t mean to upset you… I mean, I thought you would be, well, happy. I mean your Dad said yes!”

With that Katara stopped so abruptly that he bumped into her, needing to take a steadying step backward to stay on his feet. She turned toward him with fire in her eyes, fire that was unquenched by the tears that danced around its base. “Aang! How could you!?” Aang’s panic increased as the tears began to slide down her cheeks. “How could you go…? How could you ask my father before you even asked ME?!!”

Aang’s dark eyebrows shot up in apology. He had never meant to hurt her! “I’m sorry, Katara! I didn’t know! I mean…” Then his heart caught hold of what he thought was a lifeline. Dropping down immediately onto one knee he grabbed Katara’s hand and asked hastily, “Katara, will you marry me?” 

Katara looked down at him in surprise for one second before her eyebrows lowered angrily. Yanking her hand back in disgust, she turned and stormed off again, yelling “No!” over her shoulder at the stunned Airbender on his knee in the snow. 

Aang’s stomach dropped. She wasn’t… she wasn’t serious, was she? Surely she didn’t really mean that…? Aang felt like his insides were being scraped off like a fish being gutted for dinner. He felt tears jump to his eyes, before he popped off the ground and ran after Katara again.

“Wait! No, Katara! You can’t… I mean, you don’t really…?” Finally he caught her by the elbow and pulled her around to face him. “You don’t really mean that, do you?” Aang bit his trembling lip. “You don’t really mean that you don’t… want to marry me…?” Aang blinked rapidly as he looked to the side, his Adam’s apple bobbing painfully. “…Right?”

Aang could tell by the huff of air Katara exhaled that some of her anger was dissipating. “Aang, look,” Katara said, her own tears still brimming in her eyes. “You know that… well, you know that that’s not true.” Katara sighed again, her shoulders releasing more of their angry stiffness. “I don’t mean… that.”

Aang’s clenched stomach released in a sigh of relief, although he was still hurt and confused. 

Katara took his hand and looked at it instead of his eyes as she spoke. “I was just… hurt. And angry. That you would go and ask my dad before you, you know, had officially asked me.”

Aang apologized immediately. “I’m sorry, Katara! I didn’t know I was supposed to do that!” Katara rolled her watery eyes in exasperation, but she listened as he continued hastily, “All I knew is what Sokka told me, that I had to ask your dad to marry you! I didn’t know I had to ask you first. I mean, now that I say that out loud, I know it should’ve been obvious, but I’m just so nervous, and … well clueless here! Air Nomads didn’t really have these kinds of traditions!”

“Oh Aang,” Katara let out a last shaky breath, all the fight seeming to go out with it. “I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean to jump down your throat. It’s just that… well all my life before I met you, I’d lived in the Water Tribe where men and women have such ‘distinct roles’. “ Katara used air-quotes to describe the euphemism. “Our laws literally dictate that as a woman, I need to be under the stewardship of a man. Growing up, it was my dad; and when he left for the war, my responsibility was passed to Sokka (even our Gran Gran was technically under Sokka’s Stewardship at the time); then when my Dad returned, my claim automatically returned to him. And when I get married, I’m supposed to belong to my husband.”

Aang cut in then passionately, “You know I would never feel that way, Katara! I could never own you.”

Katara smiled softly at him. “I know. But you see that’s exactly it! With you, I’ve never felt less-than; I’ve never felt like you felt superior because you’re a man. You’ve only ever built me up. So when I heard that you were asking my dad for my hand… without first asking me what I wanted, well it hurt. I worried that you were being like them. That you weren’t respecting me as, you know, as an equal.”

“You’re not, Katara! We’re not equals -- you are so much better than me! I don’t deserve you!”

Katara laughed and bumped his shoulder with her own. “Don’t be stupid, Aang. I’m the lucky one.” Then sobering, “Just… don’t ever be that way, okay Aang? I know there is a lot of pressure to conform down here, and I know that you really want to fit in, be ‘one of the guys’.” 

Aang looked a little sheepishly at her. He knew it was true. He had always been a social person, a people pleaser. And he did want to fit in, to be accepted in Katara’s tribe and in her family. Unfortunately, most of what men here did was things he simply couldn’t be a part of. “It is not easy, Katara. Seriously all men do down here to bond seems to involve either hunting animals, cutting them up for parts, or grilling them for dinner! There’s not a lot I seem to be able to be a part of…”

Katara smiled sympathetically. “I know, Sweetie. And I love how you are confident in who you are, just how you are. But I also know that can be a bit isolating for you sometimes.” Then Katara winked at him and joked, “Maybe we should just switch roles.” Dropping her voice to speak deeply like a man she suggested, “I’ll take my spear and go hunt for meat…”

Aang played right along, tossing his head sassily as if swinging imaginary hair over his shoulder and in a lofty voice said “and I will refuse to cook it for dinner.”

Katara laughed, which in turn put a smile back on Aang’s face. 

“These stereotypes really are absurd, you know,” Aang said.

Katara nodded in agreement. “I couldn’t agree more, Aang. But unfortunately, they are a part of life down here. And they aren’t all meaningless – the Stewardship is there to protect women and children who would be at a disadvantage in this harsh environment without the help of a man in their lives. It’s there to ensure that everyone in the Tribe is taken care of. So I’m not indignant enough not to realize why those laws exist. It’s just how the ideas spill over to the rest of our society that bothers me. I’m proud to be a woman, and I’m proud to be Water Tribe. I just don’t want the bad parts elbowing their way into our relationship, know what I mean, Aang?”

Aang took her hand in his, his countenance becoming serious again. “Katara, I really am sorry. I never meant anything by my actions – it was all out of stupidity, not from a lack of respect for you, I promise! I wanted this to be a night of celebration for us. But I messed up. And I ruined it.”

Katara tucked herself close to him, wrapping her arms around his torso and laying her head on his chest. Aang tipped his head to lay his cheek on her head. They held each other sweetly for a few moments before Katara spoke. “Maybe… you could try asking that question again…”

Aang pulled back and looked at her, hope shining brightly in his eyes again. “Really?! Oh, okay!” then taking a deep breath to compose himself, Aang knelt seriously down on both knees and took Katara’s hand in his own. Katara covered a giggle with her other hand, but as Aang kissed her hand gently and looked up intently into her beautiful blue eyes, her countenance seemed to melt towards him.

“Katara, I love you. And there is nothing I want more than to make my home wherever you are, to share with you your burdens and joys and every challenge life has to offer. Nothing would make me happier than for the two of us to walk all the paths and years of our lives together. As the Love of my life, and as my very best friend, Katara, will you marry me?”

Katara’s eyes filled with tears again, but this time for a completely different reason. She pulled Aang back to his feel and threw her arms around his neck. “Yes, Aang!” She said into his neck. “Yes! I’ll marry you!” 

Aang laughed and smiled broadly before pulling back to kiss Katara soundly. The silence that had fallen over the village made the night feel close and intimate as they kissed past their smiles again, and again… and again… getting lost in the joy that expanded so fully within them.

After a long while Katara finally wiped her tears and pulled back. Smiling slyly at Aang she said, “Now you can go and ask my dad again.”

Then she laughed as Aang groaned. 

……………

“Are you sure you know how to get there?”

“Positive.”

The two men met inconspicuously on the rundown street corner, one wearing a dark hood concealing his face from view, the other in a sleeveless shirt revealing formidable biceps, one hand on the hilt of a long sword.

“You’re sure this is worth it?” the hooded one asked in a raspy whisper.

“Guaranteed!” his armed companion promised.

The two men darted through the darkening streets of the slums in the Lower Ring of Ba Sing Se, staying to the shadows whenever possible. The locals who noticed them, turned their gazes away, not wanting to get involved in any trouble.

“This is going to be worth the hype – you know this source is never wrong when it comes to this. This is definitely going to pay off!”

“It better,” the hooded man answered menacingly, “because dodging the Guard for this will mean hell if caught.” But he followed his companion into the alleyway without hesitating, his steps quiet as a phantom.

“If we’re recognized—“

“We won’t be.” The sleeveless man spoke confidently as he took his hand off his sword long enough to tap a code on a wooden door at the end of the alley. 

His companion looked around at the garbage in the gutters, his nose wrinkling in disgust. “But what if we are?!”

Just then a voice spoke through the wooden door. “Password?”

The swordsman’s brow wrinkled in confusion. “Password?”

“Yeah!” the voice insisted, “You gotta say the password!”

“What? I don’t know a password!”

“Then no entry.” The voice said flatly.

The swordsman grabbed the handle of the door and tried to open it, but it didn’t budge. “Hey, you didn’t say there was a password!”

“Better figure it out then, Brainiac.”

The man stroked his short goatee for a moment, “Rocky?”

A pause. “Nope.”

“Yip, yip?”

“Ooooo, I like that one, but nope. No cigar.”

“Fire flakes?” his hooded companion suggested.

The swordsman looked at the hooded man in disgust, “why would you even guess that? Of course its not fire flakes!”

The voice through the door said, “The password could be fire flakes if you brought me some!”

“Sorry,” the hooded man admitted. “No one told me to—“

The first man elbowed his companion to shut him up, “You could have just lied and said you had some!”

“Have you ever lied to this girl? Doesn’t go well…”

“Darn straight” the voice agreed.

Sitting back into his hip the swordsman guessed, “Monkey-feathers?”

“I’m not Twinkletoes, Snoozles!”

“Well can we have a hint or something?”

“For the password?!”

“Yes! Well since we didn’t know we were supposed to have a password. I mean seriously, what is the point of a password if only one of the three of us knows it?!”

“It’s fun for me—“

“Just open the door!” the hooded one began to fume. “I didn’t come all this way just to stand in a stinking gutter!”

“Okay, a hint then: ‘a formidable foe’.”

“… if this is all about you, I’m going home.”

“No! It’s not just about me. But I AM what makes it great!”

“The Blind Bandit?”

“Aw, you flatter me, but nope.”

“Metalbending?”

“Nice attempt.”

“Toph enough! Just let us in already.”

“I’ll give you another hint: ‘nearly kicked all ya’ll’s trash on Ember Island’.”

There was a moment’s pause as they mulled this clue over.

“MelonLord?” the hooded man volunteered.

“Bingo! I knew you would get it, Sparky!”

The door opened, and the two men were hauled into the room by small fists with grip like iron. 

Sokka looked around the dingy backroom wishing he was a little more impressed. “Welp, I guess this place has real…” Sokka racked his brain for any non-derogatory descriptive word he could use to describe the dull storage-room-turned-private-dining-space, but all the words that came to mind (“character”, “pizazz”, “intrigue”) were opposite of what this was. But it didn’t matter because before Sokka could finish his sentence Zuko interjected in usual bald form, “Toph, this place is a dump.” 

Toph pulled out a three-legged stool and sat down at a small wooden table that rocked when she put her elbow on it. “I know this place looks a little shoddy, but I promise the food is TOP NOTCH! I once busted the chef out of prison, and I’ve been grateful I did ever since.”

“Sounds like a story!”

“For another day, Snoozles. Point is, he owes me one, so you can quit stressing over there, Worrylord! This backroom is all to ourselves.”

Sokka could see Zuko eye the dirty floor apprehensively. “Great.” The Firelord’s voice lacked even more enthusiasm than usual.

But Sokka decided to judge with his belly, so rubbing his hands together he sat at the table and pulled the tatty menu towards himself. “Well, I for one, am starving! I’ll take one of everything good on the menu!”

As Toph began to recite from memory what she considered the must-have dishes of the establishment, Zuko finally put his hood down, pulled out the last stool, and sat down. He ran his hand over the tabletop and then abruptly took it back. “This place is gross, Toph.”

“Well, out front is a little bit better – but you needed a private room and so this spot was established especially for you, your Fieriness.”

“Well I can’t be seen here. As is, if Shiatsu and the rest of the Guard find out I’m gone, and in the Lower Ring no less, I’ll be hearing about it for weeks.”

“You worried you might get beat up or something?” Toph teased.

“No. Remember I used to live down here back in the day. I’m not afraid of what these streets have to offer.” Zuko replied with a smug half-smile. But the smile slipped when he said, “It’s my advisors. They keep jumping down my throat about not taking the Royal Guard with me everywhere I go. I just don’t want them to hear about this so they’ll stay off my back.”

“Being famous sucks rocks, Zuko. All this just for a night on the town with friends!? Seriously. Being royalty is the pits.”

“Says the girl with all of the funds and none of the pressure.” Sokka quipped with his nose in the menu. Then Sokka’s face brightened animatedly, “Yo! Did you guys see this? All-you-can-eat tempura!”

“I bet you a gold piece I can eat more tempura than you.”

“You’re on!”

“And I’ll have to what? Wheel you both home in a cart when you’re too sick to walk?” Zuko said with a long-suffering smirk.

“What are friends for, right Sparky?” Toph said with a solid punch to the Firelord’s arm.

Sokka got up to place their order and have a word with the cook about the house specialties. When he returned Zuko and Toph had their heads down over the table discussing something intently. When he opened the door, he saw them sit up straighter, their conversation stopping abruptly.

“What?” Sokka said, a touch of suspicion in his voice. “Can’t say whatever you were saying in front of me?”

Zuko said, “No, of course not!” at the exact same time Toph stated, “Yup.”

Sokka sat back down distrustfully, setting the drinks he’d brought from the front down on the table for everyone. “What were you two, uh, discussing?”

Toph let out a sigh that blew her bangs off her blank green eyes for a moment. “Just the usual topic that we can’t discuss with you around.”

“You mean my sister?”

“And Aang...” Zuko added.

Sokka used the edge of the table to pop the top off his bottle and took a drink. “Why? You know something?”

“No.” Toph replied. “We just know it’s a touchy subject and one that we haven’t seen eye to eye on” (with this phrase she waved a hand over her blind eyes mockingly) “so we didn’t want to push your buttons tonight.”

Zuko looked over at Sokka, and then back at the table, before lifting his eyes again and asked, “So have you heard anything? I mean have Kuei’s people found—?”

“No.” Sokka said quickly. “And they’re not going to either.” There was a long silence while Sokka contemplated whether or not to continue before he broke the silence with “I think I know where they went anyway. And Kuei’s people won’t find them there.”

Zuko’s one eyebrow rose in surprise and Toph turned her ear more his direction. “Where do you think they went?” Zuko asked.

Sokka thought for a moment before stating. “Well, I can’t know for sure, but I watched them fly out of the city that night, and unless they made a major course change later on, I’m near positive Aang was headed to the Eastern Air Temple.”

“Makes sense, I guess.” Toph said. “It’s private, a place they are familiar with, and out of range of any Earth Kingdom tattle-tales.”

“But if you’re so sure,” Zuko began, “Why hasn’t your dad, you know, gone after them? It wouldn’t be that hard to find an air balloon for hire; even Kuei has some of his own I’m sure he would have offered.” Zuko looked down and away, not mentioning his own balloon that Sokka was sure must be parked somewhere near the palace.

Sokka cleared his throat and took another drink before answering. “Well… I didn’t tell my dad.”

His two companions looked surprised, Toph ejecting with a hoot, “What?! You kept this from your old man?!”

“Why?” Zuko asked with genuine curiosity.

Sokka leaned one elbow on the table, which rocked the whole thing toward him. “I’m not sure exactly… its just… well this isn’t what I wanted to happen, but now that it has happened, I can’t help but think that maybe we need to just see how this plays out. Keeping Katara in the dark forever couldn’t really be a long term option.”

Toph hit herself on the chest boastingly before raising her hands in exasperation. “What have I been telling you people all along?!”

Sokka glared at her a moment before taking her down a notch. “I said I wouldn’t have chosen it this way. I’m still worried out of my wolf-tail about Katara. It’s just… my dad… he would never have agreed to telling Katara without having his hand forced.”

Zuko cleared his throat and asked, “So, um, how is he? Your dad? Did you ask Uncle to talk to him like I suggested?”

Sokka shrugged one shoulder. “Yeah, I did. I think it helped… maybe. My dad came home from the bar, so I guess that’s something…” The worry on Sokka’s face was plain. 

Zuko put a hand on Sokka’s shoulder and said, “Maybe this is all part of what Destiny has planned.”

“Destiny!” Sokka scoffed. 

Toph snorted derisively as well. “Destiny? Listen Zuko, Sokka and me, we don’t believe in any of that crap.” But then she sat back thoughtfully. “But maybe this is something less dramatic than ‘Destiny’. Maybe reality is that those two are just better together than apart.”

Sokka’s heart gave a lurch, because he wanted that to be true. Wanted it so much. There hadn’t been a day that went by since it all hit the fan that he hadn’t wished for how things used to be. He missed Aang. He missed seeing his sister smile. But all the same his stomach sank in dread.

Sokka rolled his tense shoulders and let out a forced sigh. 

Toph elbowed him. “Come on, buck up! What’s the worst that could happen, Snoozles?”

Sokka didn’t want to elaborate on the many versions of “worst that could happen” that popped too vividly to his mind, the images unfortunately drawing heavily from his real-life experiences. 

“I’m sure they’re fine!” Toph said with a pish. “By now Aang has surely told her everything. I’m sure she was ticked off for a while, but you know Katara, she can’t stay mad at Aang worth dust. Now they’re probably just professing their love for one another and taking their sweet time coming back.”

Sokka shot a skeptical glance at Toph but didn’t say anything. Toph had always made her opinions on this subject very clear, but she also either didn’t know or simply chose to ignore the parts about Katara’s damaged memory and the frightening emotional results. Not to mention Aang’s issues. Whether she admitted it or not, Toph was lying to herself to think things could just return to “how they were before”.

“I just hope she’ll be okay…” Sokka whispered to himself.

…………..

The Eastern Air Temple was a sight to behold! Even despite the obvious damage to the castle-like buildings perched upon three towering peaks, Katara’s breath was taken away at the majesty of the place.

“This is the Eastern Air Temple, Katara!” Aang said proudly with a sweep of his arm toward the lofty towers and spindly bridges. “This is where Appa was born, right old Buddy?” Aang called toward his giant friend. Appa groaned in affirmation. “I came here when I was six years old to pick a sky bison (well actually, the bison picks the airbender, not the other way around) and when Appa ate my apple, that was it. We were linked for life, right Appa!” Aang smiled affectionately at his bison. Katara smiled too. She liked to see the special way Aang relaxed when he was with Appa.

“Which reminds me…” Aang continued, “Hey Katara, what did the mother sky buffalo say when her son left for another air temple?”

Katara groaned good-naturedly before throwing Aang a bone, “What did she say?”

“Bi-son.”

Katara groaned louder letting her head drop back onto the edge of the saddle, but she had a smile on her face nonetheless.

“Don’t like that one? How about this one? : What do you call a traveling pacifist?”

“I don’t know, Aang. What do you call a traveling pacifist?” Katara asked long-sufferingly.

“An Air No-Mad.”

In spite of herself, Katara laughed. She wasn’t sure where all of these goofy jokes were coming from, but Katara couldn’t help but smile at how much Aang was enjoying telling them. And in all honesty she was enjoying hearing them; she hadn’t laughed this much in a long, long time. 

As they flew closer Aang continued to tell Katara about the place. “This temple was considered the most spiritual of all four of the Air Nomad temples.” Aang’s face fell when he continued, “It also was the most damaged in Sozin’s raids. I’m not sure why Sozin concentrated so much of his destructive efforts here… as you can see, that whole section there was knocked almost completely off the mountain, and over there, one, two, three bridges were all destroyed. And there,” Aang’s countenance shadowed, “that was the guest dormitory for boys. It’s where I would have stayed if I’d come here like I was supposed to. That section is nothing but ash now…” Under his breath Aang added, as if to himself, “But the Fire Nation couldn’t possibly have known I was supposed to be here, could they…?” 

Aang’s brow furrowed in a flash of inner pain before he looked forward again. “I’ve always wanted to come back here someday, to try to restore it. But lately I’ve kinda lost track of some of the goals I once had…”

Aang tried to mask his pain, instead turning a smile her way, but the smile did not reach his eyes.

Katara took his hand in hers and spoke to him seriously. “You don’t have to cover your feelings in front of me, Aang. It’s okay to feel whatever you feel.”

Aang looked gratefully at her, “I know. I don’t cover my feelings with you, Katara. I never have. You’re the only person in my life I’ve ever been fully open with.” He smiled again, this one a bit more genuine. “Right now I’m repressing those feelings for me. So I can concentrate on the here & now without getting sucked into all the grief of the past. That kind of sorrow can be an endless downward spiral if I let it.” 

Katara squeezed his hand, and she noticed the way his ears pinked a little as he squeezed back and said, “Right now, I’m here with you. And that is all that matters.”

Aang moved to his seat on Appa’s head to direct his friend to the far right mountain peak, towards the bottom of the structures there. As they landed Katara noticed what looked like a small overgrown garden.

“We planted this garden together, Katara, several years ago.” Aang surveyed the tangle of growth. “Obviously I haven’t kept up on it. But I bet there is something in here that will make a good dinner.” Aang began walking through the vines and weeds that had taken over, until he found something he seemed satisfied with and pulled it up by the roots. “Perfect! QingCai!”

Katara stood blinking at the green leafy vegetable for a moment; she was surprised to realize that she knew what it would taste like, even though they had nothing like this in the South Pole, or even in Ba Sing Se. She also tried to digest the information that she and Aang had planted this garden together. When she closed her eyes she could almost smell the moist earthiness of the rich brown soil beneath her hands. 

Aang held up the QingCai, “Long ago the Air Nomads decided to become vegetarians…” then with a mischievous glint in his eye he continued, “even though we all knew it was a missed steak.”

Katara tried not to laugh but couldn’t help it. And all the while Aang beamed. When he was happy like this his feet seemed to barely touch the ground as he bound from place to place. Katara wondered at how very easy it was to like Aang, goofball that he was. Something about him was just so endearing, so easygoing and open. Her stomach fluttered as she considered how easy it would be to fall in love with him.

Getting back on Appa, they flew to the cluster of pagodas on the middle peak, landing in a courtyard outside the entrance of one of the taller temple towers. Katara watched as Aang removed Appa’s saddle and then scratched affectionately behind Appa’s ear as he spoke to him. A moment later the great sky bison flew off. 

“Appa likes to roam these hills on his own whenever we come here. I think it reminds him of how it was when he was a calf here.” Aang said as he hauled the cooking pot and some ingredients from the saddle and brought them over to the courtyard. “Sky bison have incredible memories. Appa misses how this place used to be, maybe even more than I do.”

“Poor Appa,” Katara said quietly as a swell of love for the magnificent flying beast filled her chest. As she turned her eyes on the Airbender she felt another swell of emotion, something even more powerful. She shivered in embarrassment.

“I packed a jacket for you, Katara.” Aang said noticing her shiver. “It’s in the satchel we brought from your dormitory. It can get cold up this high, even in the summertime.”

“Oh. Right. A jacket,” Katara took a calming breath. “What about you?”

“Naw,” Aang smiled. “Like I told you before, I don’t really get cold.”

Katara found the long blue jacket Aang had packed for her and put it on. The sun was getting low on the western horizon, bathing the sky in rich yellows and oranges. As Katara surveyed the view she felt a familiarity with this place she hadn’t noticed before. Katara sighed contentedly, unsure of why she felt so comfortable here. 

When she returned to Aang, a fire was crackling briskly and Aang had hung the pot over it to boil, his hands now busy kneading some sort of dough in a shallow bowl. 

Katara looked into the pot that was steaming just on the verge of a full boil. Smiling she offered, “Want to hear a Water Tribe joke? Since you’ve regaled me with so many Air Nomad jokes today?”

“Sure!”

“What did the waterbender say to the water when the pot boiled dry?”

“You will be mist!” Aang replied with a laugh, clearly not surprised by the punch line, but seeming to enjoy it nonetheless. “You always liked that joke.”

Katara waterbended some of the steam from the boiling pot towards where Aang stood with the dough in his hands. “Hey Aang, I mist you!”

Aang chuckled and then said a little huskily, “I missed you too, Katara…”

The air grew suddenly thick between them. 

Katara looked away shyly. “So you, um, you know how to cook?” She asked. “My brother couldn’t cook anything palatable to save his life.”

Aang laughed, “Don’t I know it! Sokka’s meals were always a bit… bracing.” Aang picked up the dough and shaped it into a ball. “Air Nomads didn’t have a lot of tasks that were gender-segregated. So we all learned how to cook and sew and carve stone and weave baskets. Whatever was needed.” Aang took the ball of dough and began airbend-slicing thin strips of it into the boiling water, creating short noodles. “And Gyatso was a major foodie; he had an edible application for 23 of the 36 essential airbending techniques!” Aang laughed.

Katara tipped her head inquisitively, “Gyatso?”

“Oh. Right.” Aang cleared his throat. “Monk Gyatso was my mentor, pretty much a father to me, by any other nation’s assessment anyway. We didn’t really think like that.”

Katara saw that same flash of pain on his face, and then something more calculating as he continued slowly.

“I’ve been blessed with the best of bending Sifus; Gyatso and the other monks, Toph, Zuko…” Aang’s eyes shifted tellingly to her.

“And me…” she said, not quite a question, but not quite a statement either. Aang didn’t say anything, but he also denied nothing. So Katara continued, “You said that I’ve been here before, that we planted that garden together. You know me like no one ought to – you know what to pack for me, what my next move will be when I waterbend, the punch line of my jokes…” She stopped to absorb all of what she was putting together, although the answer seemed so obvious now, like only a fool would have missed it. 

The Avatar prefers powerful women. Didn’t he marry his Waterbending Master?

So it was true then. She had been his Waterbending Master. Which meant that she had also been his…

She said the word out loud, “… wife…” He had told her she wasn’t. At the banquet, he had said that she was not his wife. 

He had lied to her.

But now he promised her the truth.

“Is it true then? Was I your…? Were we… married?”

Aang’s dark eyes never strayed from hers, the intensity in their grey depths cautious.

“Yes.”

A sudden wave of vertigo crashed over her, causing Katara’s head to spin. In a flash Aang stood in front of her, gripping her elbows and helping her to sit down on a rock behind her. 

They had been married?! Could that be true? Why couldn’t she remember it?

“I don’t… I don’t understand…” Katara felt her stomach lurch, a sick feeling sinking all the way down to her toes. 

Why weren’t they married anymore? What had happened between them?? What had happened to HER?

She felt the color drain from her face, her head spinning dizzily. 

How could she NOT KNOW about her own marriage? Implications of what else she might not know stole her breath, threatening to suffocate her.

As her anxiety began to rise, Katara failed to notice the look of abject panic on Aang’s face as he knelt down in front of her, steadying her, keeping his hands clamped around her elbows to keep her sitting upright. 

She felt sick. She wasn’t sure she could tell which way was up. 

“What… what happened? Why did you leave me?” the accusation was harsh in her voice.

Was this because of her faulty memory? Had he left her because of it? Was she too … damaged to merit being his wife anymore? 

“Katara, please! I’ll explain it all—“

“Why can’t I remember any of this?!”

“You were hurt. I thought you were dead—“

“Hurt?! But I’m not dead.”

“No, but I thought you were! I… I lost control…”

“Lost control?!” She demanded, feelings of anger and hurt and muddled confusion swirling untamed within her. The mountain began to spin. “What do you mean!?”

“I’m the one that hurt you! I’m the reason… it’s all my fault.” Aang’s face crumpled in grief and his grasp on her arms loosened. His head and hands fell down onto her knees as he sobbed his apologies. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry. I lost control. My Avatar Spirit, it took over and I… I hurt you. I nearly killed you, Katara.”

He’d hurt her?! She remembered none of this. She couldn’t remember AANG at all.

But she could remember grief. And loss. All the emptiness and pain. So much confusion. 

“You did this to me…?!”

And now betrayal. The feelings -- they were all there to haunt her. Even without any memories.

And right now, she also felt angry. Angry and betrayed. How could Aang, her husband, have left her?! Abandoned her in the South Pole! Concentrating on her anger brought some focus, so she honed in on it. Temper flaring she stood up, causing Aang to fall off her lap and backward onto the ground. Streams of tears were still on his face he looked up at her in surprise.

Spearing Aang with her accusing glare she accused, “You broke me and then what? Just left me! Your wife?!”

“No, it wasn’t like that!”

“You saw that I was damaged and just… dumped me in the South Pole!? Washed your hands of your ruined wife!” Katara knew deep down that she was all of that: broken, damaged, ruined. Abandoned. And it was his fault!

“No, Katara, you don’t understand! I wasn’t safe!”

Another wave of nausea washed over Katara, causing her to double over. Aang scrambled off the ground to try to steady her, but as he reached for her she snarled at him.

“Stay away from me! I don’t even know you!”

Sweeping her hand out violently, her anger sent the pot of boiling water and noodles crashing to the ground. Aang hissed in pain as the scalding water splashed on him, burning his leg. 

Katara had to get away. She looked around frantically. But she was stranded here. Trapped with him. Turning around she ran for the entrance to the tower behind her.

Blindly she felt her way up a spiraling stone staircase. She felt too confused to latch on and hold to any one emotion, or coherent thought. Anxiety choking her. So she just ran.

Long ago, at General Fong’s fortress, Katara had helped to heal some of the soldiers in the infirmary. One of the soldiers had had his leg amputated. But the soldier continued to cry out that his leg hurt, that he could feel the burns on his foot. But the limb was gone. Katara had no idea how to help him. She simply could not heal an injury on a leg that was no longer there.

Her own life now felt like that leg. She could not remember any of this. And yet the pain threatened to overwhelm her. How could she heal from something that was not there? How could she cope when the memory of what needed coping with was gone?

Eyes blurry, Katara felt her way along the dark staircase. When the wall she was leaning on gave way to an open doorway, she fell into the room at the top of the stairs. The stone floor was cold under her hands. She looked up and tried to focus her eyes, tried to calm her racing heart long enough to see where she was. 

The room was round with large open windows on three walls. Looking out the window across from her to the West, Katara could see that the yellows and oranges of the setting sun had now given way to darker shades of purples and blues, only a small spot of blood red still pooled on the horizon. The colors from the setting sun cast an eerie light into the room.

Despite the layer of dust that covered everything, Katara noticed that this room had been lived in -- maybe not recently, but certainly more recently than over a hundred years ago. Long, floor-length curtains hung from each window, tied back with hemp ropes. The double bed, although stripped of sheets, had a straw-stuffed mattress on top. There was a wooden chest in the corner that for some reason she knew would hold bedding. 

Katara stepped cautiously through the room letting her hand run along the foot of the bed as she passed to stand in front of the western window. She rubbed the woven curtains between her fingers. She felt like she almost knew this place; the same kind of feeling as when she had the right words on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn’t articulate the thought.

Katara closed her eyes, her hand still fingering the curtain, the breeze from the open window bringing the scent of wild grapes as it blew her hair back from her face. 

And then she felt it.

She was so startled that her hand jumped to her abdomen. For a moment she was sure that she would feel the Life once again kick within her. Joy leapt unbidden into her heart.

But her belly was silent. Empty. There was no Life within it now.

Just then Aang crested the top of the staircase. He slowed when he saw her by the window, concern etched deeply on his face. “Katara?”

She turned to him. She didn’t know what her expression betrayed, but what she felt was utter desolation. “Aang… where is my baby?” Even to her own ears her voice sounded dead.

Aang’s chin trembled and he bit his lip, ducking his head for a moment to hide his pain. When he looked at her again and spoke, his voice quavered. “I’m sorry, Katara. I’m so, so sorry!”

He took several steps toward her. She noticed the way he walked gingerly, one quick glance downward revealing an angry red burn on his left calf. 

“Katara, I never meant for it to happen! I asked you not to come. But you wouldn’t listen to me… And then, I thought I had lost you. I lost control of my power. And when I hurt you… the baby, our baby… “ Aang’s eyes were ringed in red as he blinked back his tears, “…she didn’t make it.”

Katara’s heart evaporated, choking her throat with grief that rose upward from where her heart had once been. She stumbled backward. Aang’s eyes shot open in alarm, his eyes darting to where the backs of her knees bumped the lip of the open window she stood so close, too close, to. 

She glanced downward out the window. They were high. Very, very high. This side of the tower was built over the sheer edge of the mountain itself, the bottom lost from sight somewhere far below in the clouds.

For a split second she considered it. The relief it offered so tempting.

But she turned her dead gaze back to Aang instead. “Why? Why can’t I remember any of this? What happened to me?”

Aang took another cautious step forward, his eyes never leaving hers. “Why don’t you come over here? And I’ll tell you about it…”

Katara felt reckless. “Why don’t you start talking!” she demanded hotly.

Aang swallowed visibly. “Okay,” he said, his hands up to calm her, “I can do that…” His eyes darted to the window again before he began.

“When you got hurt… when I hurt you,” he amended thickly, “Your father took you to the North Pole, to try to heal you. But even when your body was healed, you still wouldn’t wake up.” She noticed that he took a few more steps her way. But she didn’t care. She felt too empty to care.

“So I crossed over into the Spirit World to try to find your spirit. Your spirit had gone there to… to try to find her. Our baby girl.” With this his eyes filled with tears again. “But she wasn’t there, Katara. You couldn’t find her, and you got lost… in the Fog of Lost Souls. This is where you lost your memories. All of them.”

Katara barely blinked, just listened bleakly.

“When I found you a spirit named Koh, the Face Stealer, had you.”

Hot, ancient breath in her face. The clicking staccato of sharpened feet over flagstones. A sharp pain in her forehead.

“Koh agreed to restore your memories. All of them, except your memories of me.”

Katara’s eyebrows furrowed. “Why?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know why Koh wanted to remove me from your life.” Aang looked guilty at her from under his brows, “But at the time, I had thought it was right. That I was too dangerous to be with you. So you forgetting me would make things… easier.” Aang looked up at her with pleading in his eyes, “I was wrong, Katara. I had no idea! … I didn’t know it would be like this for you.”

Katara’s brows pulled down even lower. Betrayal like bile tasted in her mouth. 

How could he have left her, pretending like her life, like the past fifteen years hadn’t happened!? 

Katara thought about her Father. And Sokka. Her fellow tribesmen. How could they ALL have done that?! Pretended a fake life for her without telling her anything?! 

She realized suddenly that she couldn’t trust anyone. Every one of them had left her in the prison of her own fractured mind. Her father and Sokka -- lying to her every single day! Even Zuko… and Toph. Iroh… all of them. 

Even her own husband -- All of them liars! 

Katara suddenly felt alone. Completely abandoned. 

Her vision began to spin wildly. 

“And you all just decided for me?!”

Her breathing became harsh, like she couldn’t suck enough air into her starving lungs. 

“Decided that I didn’t deserve the truth? How could you? How could you think that it was okay to make that choice for me?!”

A headache pounded behind her eyes. She brought her hand up to cover them. Her other hand gripping the curtain was the only thing holding her in place. 

“How dare you steal my life from me and then ... leave me in dark!” the last phrase burst from her in a shriek!

“I was wrong, Katara!” Aang’s voice broke, “To think that I could make that choice for you was wrong. I know that now.” Aang’s expression entreating, “I knew that I was unsafe, that I might hurt you again. And I didn’t want you to make a choice that would put you in danger.” Aang glanced apprehensively at the open window at her back again.

When he continued his voice sounded like guilt itself. “And even deeper down, I was selfish. I was afraid of what you would choose if you knew what I’d done, if you knew what it had cost us.” 

Katara’s hands again clutched her empty womb. Aang saw and closed his eyes tight as he spoke the rest. 

“I thought that if you never had to make a choice, then I would never have to risk you choosing to leave me of your own volition. It was meant to be a punishment for me, and a protection for you. But it wasn’t. It was my cowardice masquerading as mercy. And although I never meant it to, it was hurting you.”

Aang opened his palms to her, as if asking her to accept his confession. “But I didn’t know! I would never hurt you on purpose, Katara.” 

This was all too much! She couldn’t process it. She felt as though she would break under the weight, her knees buckled. Katara’s vision swam. Letting go of the curtain, she grabbed her throbbing head and took an involuntary step backward. Her body teetered as she felt the windowsill again at the back of her knees. She knew she was falling, but she didn’t know if it was bodily or simply into insanity.

Instantly Aang fell back into a deep lunge, pulling his arms backward toward the staircase behind him. A sudden gust of wind came in from the window, knocking Katara forward toward the center of the room. Katara cried out in pain as her knees hit the ground. But the physical pain was nothing compared to the turmoil spinning inside her head. She curled into a ball on the ground and shook violently.

In an instant Aang was down on the ground with her, wincing as his burned shin hit the stone floor. “Please, Katara! I want to help you!” He wrapped himself around her, trying to lift her into his arms. “I love you!”

“Lies!” she shouted, struggling against his grasp. “If you loved me you never would have left me, left me in the dark!”

“I can tell you, Katara! I can tell you everything—“

“No! I don’t want you to tell me! I don’t want to hear MY LIFE from someone else! Manipulated… I can’t trust you. Any of you!” Katara tried to lift herself off the ground, but she fell back down, her limbs feeling like lead.

Katara’s head lolled back onto the stone floor. “I want my life back! I want my baby...” Katara stopped struggling as her body sagged with a long low wail. “I want her back… I want my LIFE back. My memories… I’m losing my mind!”

Katara felt Aang lift her and tuck her head under his chin as he held her tightly, rocking them both back and forth. She could feel his sobs deep in his chest joining her own. 

His skin felt like ice against hers -- ice that would burn her to touch. She struggled weakly against his embrace, but she was just too tired, too overcome.

“My memories – I’m broken without them. I’m not ME without them. Get them back, Aang… I don’t know how to move forward without them…” 

And then it was all too much, and Katara’s body shuttered and she slipped into darkness.

……………..

The room was dark, the light from the setting western sun having gone completely when Aang felt Katara’s body go limp in his arms. He looked down at her in alarm, shaking her, but she didn’t wake. Not knowing what to do he pulled her frantically into a tighter embrace, relief flooding him when he felt her breath on his neck. 

She’s alive. She will be okay. He had to believe that she would be okay!

Katara must have been overwhelmed, passed out from the shock. As he passed his hand over her forehead he wiped away beads of sweat that had gathered in her hairline. Although her skin was burning to the touch, she shivered. Aang pushed down the cold panic that froze his insides.

Aang’s eyes streamed tears that he didn’t bother to wipe away as he carefully laid her down before standing. His leg ached, the still fresh burn seeming to sear anew. It was too dark for him to see it clearly right now, and frankly he didn’t really want to see it, but he had no doubt the burn would be ugly. Burned by a waterbender...

But the burn was the least of his concerns right now.

Aang’s hands gripped his scalp as he looked all around the dark room, desperate for something to help him. Why had he brought her here!? He needed help, but thanks to his stupidity they were now completely isolated! His stomach lurched in guilt and worry as he looked down again at Katara on the floor. He needed to help her!

Aang went to the bed and, blowing a mighty gust of wind, he drove the dust from the mattress. He hadn’t been here since… before. When the two of them had eagerly awaited the Gift that had grown within his wife. When he had still had a wife. Aang and Katara had come here often whenever they had business that took them to Ba Sing Se or the regions round about – the temple provided a home outside the city, a place to get away that wasn’t too far. 

Aang quickly pulled the sheets and pillows from the chest and put them onto the bed before he returned to Katara’s side and gently lifted her, and carefully placed her in the bed. She whimpered in her sleep. 

What he had witnessed this evening with Katara was terrifying. Her reaction to what he had told her was worse than he could have imagined! His mouth went dry when the image of Katara standing by the window, such utter despair on her face, flashed before his eyes. He closed his eyes against the image and the terror it filled him with. Planting his feet he growled as he commanded the stonewalls to obey him; long earthspikes burst from the walls crossing over the open windows like bars.

Katara’s words echoed in Aang’s mind: My memories – I’m broken without them. I’m not ME without them. Get them back, Aang… I don’t know how to move forward without them… 

Aang took a deep breath, letting it out shakily. 

His eyes were dry and resolved when Aang gently kissed Katara’s forehead and whispered, “I’ll get them back, Katara. I’ll do everything I can to get your memories back.”

And with that he sat down in the center of the room, bringing his fists together. A moment later a startling white light lit up the room.

……………..


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Forgive me if my own lore in this story may not be 100% compliant with Legend of Korra lore. I don’t think the discrepancies are very blatant, but I’ll have to ask those with hypersensitivity to lore purism to forgive me my creative license (I just happen to like some of my own head canon better than what was presented in canon in LoK =)
> 
> Also, so you know, my imagining of Aang and Katara’s wedding is influenced by Cherokee wedding traditions. In fact, the prayers I quote are almost word for word (even the four element stuff – how cool is that?) 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has read this far! This is the second to last chapter, so only one more to go!

…………….

The air in the ceremonial kiva was thick with burning incense. Aang wondered if the Shaman had put something into the center fire, or perhaps even the beaded lamps that hung all around the perimeter of the round-framed room, as the whole area smelled strongly of the oaky aroma. This incense did not have the same scent as what the Monks had burned when he was a child (he hadn’t smelled _that_ smell in over a century, although his memory of it felt like yesterday) but this newer scent was comforting nonetheless, something he had come to associate with acceptance, love and family. Aang breathed it in deeply.

If it weren’t for the nervous excitement battering frantically around inside his stomach right now, Aang was sure he would find the smell soothing.

Apparently polar snowstorms were no respecter of special occasions, for despite this being Aang and Katara’s wedding day, an impressive blizzard had blown in just this morning, and showed no signs of letting up. Aang had been worried the wedding might be canceled (he wasn’t sure he could live if he had to wait One. More. Day!), but when he had mentioned his concerns to Hakoda, the Chief had just laughed and clapped him on the back jovially. “Son, blizzards don’t wait on us down here, and we’ve learned not to wait on them either!”

But despite the howling wind outside, within the walls of the thick animal hide kiva (that was by now no doubt mostly buried in snow) it was warm and cheerful. 

Aang was already kneeling on one side of a double mat north of the central fire, his hands on his knees as he tried not to fidget in his anticipation. Hakoda and Sokka both sat on their own mats rounding around the fire to his left, both smiling playfully at the clearly nervous Avatar.

“Chill out Aang!” Sokka teased as he leaned over his Dad toward Aang. “Although it’s likely this blizzard has given Katara cold feet, if I know my sister, I doubt it’s the kind that will leave you jilted at the fire pit!” Sokka winked. “Besides, this storm is sure to prevent her hopping on Appa and making a run for it anyway. So I’m sure she will be here soon.”

Although Sokka’s words had done nothing to calm his nerves, Aang smiled at his soon to be Brother-in-Law, who was a brother to him already in all the ways that mattered.

As Aang bounced lightly on his spread knees he looked around the ceremonial room. Despite their best efforts to keep this event small, there were upward of fifty people in the room tonight, all sitting closely shoulder to shoulder in the tight round room. Most consisted of Southern Water tribesmen and women, but some had traveled from farther. Aang smiled as he saw Iroh sitting a row back, a perpetually steaming cup of tea cradled lovingly in his hands. Next to him sat a grumpy and very cold-looking Zuko, who looked even more awkward given the blind earthbender who sat cuddling up to him for warmth. Zuko looked like he wasn’t sure where he could put his hands with Toph leaning in so close, and Toph appeared to care less about his obvious discomfort. Aang could just over hear her quip, “I’m cold, dang it! No one’s getting any ideas about us, I just want more of whatever it is that makes you the warmest part of the whole cursed South Pole!”

Aang ducked his head and smiled widely. The feelings of love that filled him for these friends in his life swelled full.

A loud whooshing of air sounded as the hide door was pushed open, bringing Aang’s head around to the kiva entrance.

And there stood Katara in the doorway, looking rosy and excited as she bounced up and down to warm up while her Grandmother helped her take her snowy outer wrap off. Although it looked a little windblown, Katara’s hair was done in an elaborate beaded braid that Aang had never seen before, bits of white snow still sparkling it in from the storm outside.

Aang stood up at the sight of her, but was quickly pulled back down by a tug from the Chief. “Don’t stand, Aang. You kneel here.”

“Right,” Aang said bashfully, unable to take his eyes off of the beautiful woman in the doorway. “Right. I knew that. Sorry.”

He heard a laugh rumble from Hakoda’s direction, but all of that seemed a bit vague as his head began to feel a little dizzy.

Every eye was on Katara as she approached the center fire. Aang saw Katara’s gaze lock with Hakoda’s for a moment; tears glistened in the old warrior’s eyes as he looked at his daughter. She smiled at her dad and the two shared a silent conversation that nonetheless spoke volumes.

Then Katara looked over and smiled coyly at Aang giving Aang’s heart a jolt as she knelt down on the empty half of Aang’s mat next to him. Aang felt so light he actually looked down to make sure he wasn’t hovering.

Aang was surprised that suddenly it was difficult to swallow, his emotions seeming to jump into his throat. Katara was… well she was simply _beautiful_! And for a moment (although not for the first time) Aang wondered in awe that she would love _him_ , choose to spend her life with _him_! He knew he didn’t deserve her.

The Shaman then arose and spoke to the crowd. “Tonight we gather as brothers and sisters to witness the Blanket Ceremony that will join together a new family this day. We joy as our Tribe, our _Family_ , expands, making room for this new Union to take place among us forevermore.”

The Shaman then nodded to Gran Gran who stepped forward, two woven blue blankets draped across her forearm. Normally a bride and groom’s mothers would perform this part of the ceremony, but since both Katara and Aang lacked, Gran Gran willingly stood in for both their mothers. Gran Gran stood behind Katara and opened one of the blankets up wide, giving it a shake before placing it gently over Katara’s shoulders. Then she stood behind Aang and did the same with the second blanket, giving his shoulder a squeeze as she did so. Aang looked up at her gratefully as she smiled down at him with a twinkle in her wizened eyes.

Although Gran Gran had been wary of Aang when he had first shown up in their village all those years ago, over the years she had grown to love him. She loved that even though Aang was a man, he appreciated the “softer” arts of the tribeswomen. The two of them could often be found working together, Gran Gran teaching Aang how to sew elaborate beading onto belts and jewelry, or the ancient art of weaving a basket tight enough to carry water. Aang knew that Gran Gran found him amusing, and his own love for the aging woman was strong and genuine.

The Shaman then directed Aang and Katara to stand facing him across the fire, and for Sokka to come forward and stand beside Katara.

In the Southern Water Tribe, tradition indicated that children belonged to the mother, but a woman was always under the Stewardship of a man. So if anything were to happen to Aang, Katara’s care would be returned to her father’s house, and Sokka, being the oldest male of her generation, would have responsibility to care for her and her children. Sokka stood here beside his sister, committing to care for Katara and her children if Aang was not able to.

(Sokka looked over at Aang, giving him a sarcastic raised eyebrow, reminding him of his half-jokingly remark from earlier to “Take care of yourself, Buddy. The one kid I already have is running me into the ground, so… yeah, I’d appreciate if you stick around to tackle your own brood!”)

Aang smiled at the joke between them, but all jests aside, Aang knew that Sokka would honor his commitment here if, spirits forbid, he were ever called on to do so.

Sokka then stepped behind the couple and placed one half of Katara’s blue blanket over Aang’s shoulders, and half of Aang’s blanket onto hers, symbolizing their preparation to unite their individual lives.

Aang felt Katara grasp his hand tightly; that simple touch communicating clearly how much she wanted this, wanted _him_. Aang knew that being One with her was all he had ever really wanted -- Katara filling him with a happiness, a _completeness_ , that he had not known was possible – but to stand here, holding her hand, knowing that she wanted him as well, felt like more than he could ever ask for.

At direction from the Shaman, Aang and Katara turned together towards the East and spoke the rote words of the ceremony in unison: 

_“We honor mother-earth  
and ask for our marriage to grow stronger through the seasons_

_and for our children to be abundant”_ (Aang winked suggestively at Katara then, an adorable blush coloring her cheeks.)

The two then turned toward the North:

_“We honor wind  
and ask we sail through life  
safe and calm as in our father's arms”_

Turning West, and fittingly toward their Fire Nation friends:

_“We honor fire  
and ask that our union be warm  
and glowing with love in our hearts”_

And finally back toward the South:

_“We honor water  
to clean and soothe our relationship  
that it may never thirst for love”_

The Shaman’s voice rang out as he spoke to the couple, “These blue blankets, your individual separate lives, are now dead as you embark on your new life together as One. ”

Sokka removed the blue blankets as Hakoda then stood and walked to stand in front of the couple. Shaking out a large white embroidered blanket, the Chief swung it around Aang and Katara’s shoulders and tied the corners together in front of them. As he did so he said:

_“Now you will feel no rain for each of you will be shelter for the other  
Now you will feel no cold for each of you will be warmth for the other  
Now there is no loneliness  
You are two persons but there is only One life before you  
Go now to your dwelling to enter into the days of your life together and may your days be good and long upon the earth”_

“I’m so happy for you two,” he whispered thickly, one of his large hands on each of their shoulders as he stood before them. Then turning his eyes on Aang, “I’m trusting you to take care of her, Son.”

Aang warmed at the title, and how it was now official. His mind flashed back to the night several months ago when he had asked for permission to marry Katara, how the Water Tribe Chief had charged him with protecting and caring for his daughter. Aang had promised wholeheartedly, _“You know I would never hurt her. I’ll always do everything I can for Katara.”_

Aang nodded and looked his Father-in-Law solemnly in the eyes as he renewed his promise, “Always.”

……………

The cave under the towering gnarled trunk of the great dead tree smelled that same old stench of rot and suppressed terror he remembered.

As Aang approached the cave he thought about the first time he had come here, as a boy desperate to find the Ocean and Moon spirits. One would think that his fear as a child would be much greater than as an adult. But Aang was sure that for him it was the opposite. As a boy he had carried with him into that cave nothing more than unwavering faith, a righteous desire to save the world, and a substantial dose of naivety. Now he had more experience, more personal stakes at hand, baggage that weighed him down. He was weak and broken in a way that his twelve-year-old self had not been. He knew this made him vulnerable.

But even so his footsteps did not hesitate as he entered the cave and started his descent into the old Face Hoarder’s lair. Koh had something he wanted, something he _needed_ to get back for Katara. So he would go to him regardless of the dread that clamped in his gut like a heavy steel trap.

Aang willed away any outward expression of pain as his insides coiled with it. All of his fears had been realized after all— He had told Katara the truth and she had hated him for it. She blamed him for the accident and all the results: For losing control… For killing their child… For leaving her alone with a broken mind.

And she was right.

Aang swallowed hard as he tried not to think of Katara’s crazed and visceral responses to the truths he had told her. Her eyes vacillating from crazed to despairing, to reckless, to pools of utter desolation.

And now she lay sick and feverish from the dissonance in her own mind. It filled him with anxiety knowing that she was alone, that he was not right now at her side.

But he was after a cure. He only hoped she would be safe until he could give it to her.

And thus he rushed forward.

Time in the Spirit World was a fickle thing. There was no determining how much time passed in the human world with how long he spent here. Sometimes it would seem he was gone for days, just to discover that he had been out of the physical world merely an hour. Where other times, what felt to him in the Spirit’s realm a short time, was on the other side perhaps many days.

Aang thought with an apologetic smirk (that he quickly wiped clean from his visage) of the scolding he had once received from Katara when a task taking him to the Spirit World had left his body meditating at their home in Republic City for four days. In her worry she had really let him have it, a tongue-lashing worthy of his waterbending wife’s temper (although the effect was tempered significantly by the fact that she kissed him over and over with relief the whole time she was reprimanding him).

This memory sent Aang’s thoughts returning to the woman he loved back at the Air Temple. He remembered her standing by the window, eyes wild and destitute. He hated that in that moment he had not known if Katara would hurt herself; it filled him with terror thinking that she might perhaps have thrown herself from the tower’s window. The not knowing -- having no idea what her fractured mind might drive her to -- filled Aang with unmatched fear. He needed to fix this for her!

He owed her. He owed her more than he could ever repay. But he would start with this: Getting Koh to restore the memories he had withheld.

What had been Koh’s aim in removing Katara’s memories of him in the first place? Aang did not trust the Spirit, everything about him was unnerving, but Aang also did not believe Koh to be inherently evil. Aang had had his fair share of run-ins with Spirits, and in all cases so far he found that they seemed to run on their own moral code. Wang Shi Tong had only attacked them in protection of his library and his perceived abuse of its knowledge. HeiBai had appeared malicious initially because of the destruction of his forest. And even seemingly “good” spirits like the Ocean Spirit had only joined the fight against the invading Fire Nation Navy when his companion Spirit had been threatened. Even Koh – despite Koh’s terrifying demeanor, he _had_ helped Aang to identify the Moon and Ocean Spirits.

Aang had not known Koh to take sides, or to take much of a stand in human matters. So what was it he wanted? What was his motivation in meddling in this affair in the first place?

Koh’s sickly slick voice echoed in Aang’s mind:

_When you are driven mad, come and see me again Avatar, and we can... discuss, your options..._

Koh had claimed that restoring only a portion of Katara’s memories had been an investment for him. An investment for what? What was the old centipede’s true goal?

The staircase seemed to descend endlessly. As a child, the monks had often used the image of walking down a staircase as a means of helping the younger children to enter a meditative state. He could hear Monk Gyatso’s voice in his mind, “Imagine yourself stepping down a staircase, with each step leave behind the things of this world: your worries, your concerns, your body. Feel instead only the deep calm, the wisdom of letting go.” He was not meditating now, but the descent felt symbolic for him nonetheless: with each step Aang sunk into a deeper resolve, committing to do whatever it took to save Katara.

Unlike Aang’s first trip to this place, Koh did not meet him on the stairs, did not attempt to scare him into expression. Instead the Face Stealer waited until Aang descended to the very bottom of his hole before greeting him.

Wearing the face of an elaborately painted woman, her smiling teeth too large to be contained within her red painted lips, Koh spoke. “Ah! The Avatar! You return to me, as I knew you would. I must say I expected you some time ago.” Koh blinked to a new face, a plain man with a humble visage, his bushy eyebrows arched in sympathy, “But I can be patient. Perhaps it has taken you more time than I expected for you to _see the light_ , but my patience has paid off after all it would seem.”

Aang stood tall, his shoulders erect as he faced the great centipede. “I don’t believe you have received any payment at this point. I’m here to talk, Koh. I want to understand.”

“Yes, yes,” Koh dragged out his s’s in long hisses, “I’m sure you do. I’m sure you are here simply for _knowledge_ …” the word dripped with slimy sarcasm, “and not for something you want from me.”

Aang heard the threat in the words, but his face remained blank. 

The Spirit reared up on its hind parts to regard him. “Are you unsatisfied with our previous bargain?”

“Why, Koh? Why did you remove Katara’s memories of me?”

“Tsk, tsk, Avatar,” Koh blinked to a new face, a permanently crying countenance like something that would be seen on an opera stage. “You forget the details of our last encounter.” His voice then hardened as his face changed again, this time an angry golden-eyed Firebender. “Remember I did not _steal_ the woman’s memories. Since she gave me no reason to take her face, I do not possess her memories. So far buried inside her soul, were they. Remember Avatar that if it weren’t for me, she wouldn’t have any at all. You should be _grateful_ …”

Aang said nothing.

“You see Avatar, only a true expert could… _realign_ the woman’s memories as I have done, removed the blockage so that she could access them freely once again.”

“But she can’t remember me. You removed all those memories.”

The Face Stealer quickly changed his face to an angry green Oni monster and shoved it unpleasantly close to Aang’s face, speaking with an uncharacteristic bite. “Again, Avatar, get your accusations right! I _removed_ nothing – the memories were lost within her own damaged soul all along!”

Aang didn’t flinch, remaining silent.

“But I had to work carefully to heal the damage, open the pathways, as tampering with the energies within living beings can be a _delicate_ procedure…”

Aang’s stomach clenched as he remembered the way Koh had gripped Katara, pulling her shoulders back and stabbing one of his sharpened spear-like claws into the center of her forehead. He took a calming breath before speaking. “I see. Forgive me for miss-speaking.”

Aang knew that Koh could be unusually _chatty_ for a spirit. Perhaps if he let the spirit speak freely he might reveal his endgame. Thus Aang stroked the ancient spirit’s ego. “This power must have been difficult to hone, a very rare gift.”

Koh’s face blinked away to reveal his favored white mask smiling broadly, his voice becoming instructive as he began to circle around the stationary Avatar. “The power of we spirits, Avatar, is most often _multifaceted_.” Aang noticed how Koh included Aang as he spoke about spirits. “Like the reflecting of light off the cut surface of a fine gem, a Spirit’s capabilities have many surfaces.”

Aang was familiar with Koh’s preference for speaking in riddles. Aang knew he likely must wade through them to get to the core of Koh’s aim.

“Take the Avatar for example.” A couple of Koh’s sharp claws reached out and dragged across Aang’s back as he circled him, making Aang’s skin crawl. “Like all spirits the Avatar has this same potential to expand its capabilities, hone new skills. But unlike the rest of us, you are hampered by your _humanity_.” Koh said the word sympathetically, like one speaking about a terminal illness. “Humans can so rarely see beyond what is right in front of them, and with each reincarnation, although you add to your brute power, you do not add to your knowledge. You are unable to explore and expand its possibilities, but must, with each new birth, spend that life re-learning what you have spent countless minuscule lifetimes before learning already.”

“It’s all highly inefficient.” Koh shook his head tisking pityingly as his face changed to that of a Water Tribe boy, “Even skills you once knew have been lost over lifetimes spent spiraling in the reincarnation cycle. After all, how many thousand years passed before you re-learned one small aspect of the bending of another’s energy?”

Aang turned this new piece of knowledge over in his mind, being careful not to let his thoughts show on his face. He had not known that any of his past lives had known how to energybend. Aang himself had only done it once, and it was frankly a power he was not anxious to tamper with. His one experience had filled his soul with images of evil, mixing his consciousness with that of a twisted madman.

At the end of the war there had been some that had demanded that Aang energybend away Azula’s bending after the war. In her insanity, her firebending had proven a dangerous complication. However, Aang was wary, loath to walk that path again. Zuko had breathed a sigh of relief when Aang had refused.

Aang’s mind snapped back to the present as Koh continued his soliloquy.

“The facets of this power are many, but your capacities are as limited as a toad who spends his life at the bottom of a well -- All existence confined to that small piece of sky seen from the dark hole of your perception.”

Koh’s face changed and he laughed wickedly with the sharp-toothed mouth of a baboon, his carapace body still enclosing around the Avatar in endless clicking procession.

“I, on the other hand, have spent eons of time tapping into many capabilities beyond only stealing faces.” Koh blinked rapidly through three or four faces, Aang unable to see them all as the great creature circled. “I have expanded. I have grown. And I have surpassed even the skills of my Mother.” The triumph in his voice was almost palpable as the great creature stopped circling, pausing his endlessly clicking feet in homage to his own greatness.

Aang spoke with an expressionless voice, drawing Koh’s attention back to him. “But none of this answers my question, Koh. Why, when you restored Katara’s memories, did you choose to omit her memories of me?”

Koh’s face changed to the same painted lady he had worn initially as he laughed out loud. “You still don’t see it, Avatar? Always focused on only what you can see. The larger picture perpetually out of your view.”

Koh stood up toweringly, his back to Aang as he spread his claws wide. “My real interest is in memories, delicious memories. For what is a face but a symbol of identity? And what is identity after all, but the accumulation of experiences stored up in the energies of a soul as _memories_?” Koh turned to face Aang again, his eyes greedy. “What I am after is a prize of nearly endless memories.”

Aang could see it now. Koh cared nothing for Katara. He was unconcerned with what he considered her insignificant mortal life. He had tampered with her only as a means for attaining something he wanted, and had wanted, for lifetimes.

“You want my face.” It was a statement, not a question. And as Aang spoke the words, he knew with terrifying surety that they were true.

“Oh yes, your face.” Koh closed in on Aang, the woman’s red lips close to his own as her eyes gleamed covetously. “And your ten thousand years of memories to feast on!”

Cold fear slithered down Aang’s back as he resisted the urge to turn and run. Closing his eyes and affording himself a long calming breath to keep his expression clear Aang asked, “Ten thousand years of memories? But I cannot remember anything beyond this life. I can’t remember when I was Roku, or Kyoshi, or Kuruk, or any of them.”

“But they are all within your soul nontheless, Avatar, and _I_ know how to unlock them. Not unlike what I did for your mortal waterbender.” Koh’s face changed to that of a large-fanged dog as he licked his lips ravenously, “I could feast upon your memories, your _emotions_ for eons without ever feeling hunger.”

“What has stopped you before?” Aang asked, genuinely curious, “From stealing the Avatar’s face in the past?”

Koh sighed as though speaking to a very stupid child, “I would not take something simply because _I want it_. Only humans stoop so low.” He changed his face to that of Ummi, Avatar Kuruk’s wife. “I only stole the face of this human because the Avatar had become lazy and neglectful. It was a fit punishment for your past life’s transgressions.”

Koh changed back to his white face, “I have no quarrel with the Avatar. I would not hunt you.” Koh spoke as if the thought were repugnant. “But when news reached my ears of the Avatar’s wife wandering lost in the Fog, I saw my chance.”

“You see, Avatar, I cannot steal a face unless there is just cause – like Avatar Kuruk’s punishment or showing expression while trespassing in my domain. When I take a face it is only within my rightful dues. However there is one exception. I can always take a face…” Koh’s lips parted in a greedy grin, “if it is freely offered to me.”

Aang kept his face blank as his thoughts swirled. _Who would ever offer to have their face stolen?!_

Koh was waxing loquacious. “To steal a face is its own kind of pleasure, but to have one _willingly_ given – that is maximum gratification!” He turned his eye again greedily toward Aang, bringing one of his claws forward to stroke his cheek. “And your face… I would have liked to have taken your face as a child… but this face is undeniably attractive as well. And your limitless memories would be the same reward regardless!”

Aang tired to keep the quaver out of his voice when he spoke. “I don’t understand. What does wanting my face have to do with Katara?”

Koh turned his gaze on Aang with a terrifying glint in his eye. “She is nothing to me. As I said, she gave me no cause to steal her face. And hers would be nothing more than what I’ve tasted countless times before…”

“But I have observed you, Avatar _Aang_.” A shiver ran down Aang’s spine as his own name, spoken for the first time, slipped slimily from the Face Stealers mouth. “This life’s reincarnation is especially noble and self-less; except…” he paused for emphasis, “in your desire for this woman.”

Koh began to climb the walls, walking his big body over the ceiling above Aang’s head and then back down the other side. “I could see where your weakness was; _Aang_ was simply not strong enough to shoulder his burdens without the support of his warrior wife. I would do nothing to interfere, of course. I would never be so petty.” The superiority in Koh’s voice was hypocritically pious. “I of course had nothing to do with the events that brought your woman here to the spirit world; it was just my _good fortune,_ as it were, to have this situation gift wrapped for me.” Aang’s eyebrows drew down in anger before he quickly returned them to a blank expression. In his circling Koh must have missed it.

Koh continued self-righteously, “And for me to return _any_ of her memories at all was generous… Leaving some of them still buried was within my rights as Benefactor.”

Aang had to concentrate all his efforts to keep the disgust and anger he felt from showing on his face. Aang thought of Katara laying in her sickbed right now all due to Koh’s self-justified meddling – his _toying_ with their lives! – and it filled Aang with fury.

Koh continued, “I knew that with the right _circumstance_ , this _Aang_ could be persuaded to see the light.”

Aang cautiously rolled his shoulders, the stress in them tensing unbearably. “I’m afraid I am still in the dark, Koh. Enlighten me!” Aang struggled to keep the contempt from his voice, but his face remained neutral.

“Omitting you from the woman’s memories was simply to bring you to a sufficiently… _humble_ place, for you to be open to SEEING. Seeing how little good comes from your endless circling in the reincarnation cycle. How much good do you really do anyway, Avatar? True you stopped one measly war... but you were one hundred years and countless lost lives too late!” Koh’s face changed to that of his friend, Samten, an Air Nomad child he had known from before the war. The boy’s mouth spoke with the poisonous voice of Koh. “Without an Avatar to hunt, the extinction of your people would never have happened. There would have been no reason to wipe them out without _you_.”

The words assaulted Aang, the truths banging loudly in his head joining with the beliefs he had long struggled with already. Keeping his face neutral while his insides hammered so fiercely seemed an impossible task. His only indication that his face had not slipped was that he still had it.

“And what of your woman? This soul who has brought you to me now. You claim that you love her. And what was her reward for it? You buried her alive for having the audacity to get close to you.” Aang’s breathing began to shallow and quicken as Koh’s words marched forward. “And what about all those others that day? All the lives you snuffed out in minutes with just the wave of your hand. Even your own child…”

Aang fell to his knees; his hands desperately covering his face because he knew he could not hide his anguish. The truths cut him like dao swords, quick and deep, his heart thumping madly in his chest. Aang considered his sorrow over losing Katara and their unborn child. He could not think of their lost baby without his heart teetering on the edge of an endless abyss of grief. And he had done that. He and his uncontrollable power.

“And these are but a handful of _this life’s_ failures.” Koh said as he wrapped his body around a stalagmite on the cave’s ceiling and dangled his ugly faces down upon the cowering Avatar. “You cannot even remember the many thousands of years of catastrophes in your lives past. The hoards of wars, oppressions, and violences caused by you. The numberless hosts you have snuffed out. This pointless endless cycle of lost lovers, lost children. Only to die and be reborn a baby that is anything but innocent; a baby with the mistakes of hundreds of lifetimes chained to you like an infinite fetter.”

It seemed a cruelty really, to carry the weight of all his past lives; and with each new life to be reborn a clueless infant who, while still in its mother’s arms was already responsible to be the world’s savior.

Although Aang worried that _savior_ was perhaps the wrong word. More like weapon. Even the peaceful Air Nomads had been preening him to become just that: a weapon. They claimed it would be for protection, to stop the war, and he believed their motives; but his value to them was undeniably in his destructive power.

Koh’s face changed back to that of the hungry dog, its long tongue dangling out the side of its face as Koh’s words barked, “All of your mistakes reverberate throughout history like a tidal wave, Avatar, leaving destruction in its path. Look at the world, at the state of this woman you think you _love_.” Koh’s spat the word like a curse. “All of them would have been better off without your very existence.”

Aang felt Koh drop his giant bug’s body down to the ground in one loud thump. “See the Avatar, which was meant to be a godsend to humanity, has turned out to be a scourge to them.”

Aang considered Katara. The fact that he loved her was undeniable. He loved her so much it hurt. But tears stung his eyes with the realization that the memory of him could make her happier than what he is now anyway. She hated him. She blamed him.

And she was just to do so.

“Your face for her memories may at first seem an unfair exchange. But I offer to restore her life to her, and in the same stroke, I offer you _relief_. Relief from your endless circling, endless failing, endless losing of those humans you care for!”

Aang thought of his recent isolation – how meaningless his life felt. It was in his relationships that he found joy and purpose. And yet Koh was right. He was doomed to die and forget them all only to be reborn a new person, one who had forgotten even himself.

Koh spoke his next words, as a chilling whisper in his ear. “I can restore the rest of her memories, in exchange for something you want anyway — _to no longer be the Avatar_.”

The words seemed to echo in his head. Aang could not deny that they were true. He did not want to be the Avatar. He had never wanted it. He had grown up and taken the responsibility upon himself, willingly bearing the burdens it demanded, but it did not change the fact that deep down, he did not want to be the Avatar.

And Koh offered him a way out.

If Aang let Koh take his face, he would no longer have to shoulder the weight, the ten thousand years of struggle. Aang was tired, so very, very tired. And Koh offered him rest…

And in the deal all that Katara had lost would be restored to her.

Last time he was here, Koh had told Aang to return when he had lost his mind – now Aang wished that he truly had! For the torture of a sane mind seemed worse than oblivion!

At long last Aang lifted his face, wearing his own mask of neutrality as he looked up at the ravenous Face Stealer. “If you take my face, this face, what would happen to the Avatar Spirit?”

“The cycle would be broken. _Laid to rest_ , if you will. Finally giving your tired soul peace.”

Aang considered those words: the temptation in them, the offer so alluring.

Aang closed his eyes and imagined for one more long moment the bliss of a release from all of his responsibilities— how it would be to truly be free!

But it would be a selfish choice. And Aang new he could not give in to it.

If Aang succumbed to his desires to be done, to give up, the Avatar cycle would be stopped. Forever. There would be no more Avatar to defend the world. If the choice was just for himself, just Aang, _this life_ being the only thing lost, there is no surety he would not do it. But Aang, even in his desperation, knew that he could not leave the world unprotected. He had learned from his past mistakes, and he could not run away from his responsibilities again.

Aang thought of Katara, his heart breaking knowing that he was failing her.

He thought back to that moment, all those years ago in the Crystal Catacombs. Aang heard his own voice echo -- _I’m sorry Katara_ – when he had given her up to access the Avatar State. He really _had_ given her up that day. He had given up his selfishness, his desire to possess her. He had not lost his love for her, as he had thought he must, or even his attachment to her emotionally. But he _had_ given up that thing inside of himself that put her above his role as the Avatar, that part of him that was uncommitted to doing what was needed for the world.

Avatar YangCheng had once told him that the Avatar was always reborn a human so that he could be compassionate towards all people. That only by living among them, could he understand how precious human life is, so that he would do anything to protect it. Aang knew that no matter how many faces and memories Koh stole, the ancient spirit could never understand the value of humanity. Nor could he understand why Aang could never forsake it. Koh could never understand this choice.

No matter how much Aang loved Katara, and wanted her to be whole again. He could not forsake the world for her.

And deep down, he knew Katara wouldn’t want him to.

“No,” Aang spoke from his kneeling position on the ground. He wished his voice sounded stronger, more resolved. But despite their feebleness he said the words anyway. “I cannot do it, Koh. I will not give you my face.”

Koh’s face was once again the terrifying green Oni has he descended upon the Avatar in a flash, his hideous facade stopping just an inch from Aang’s. “What?! How could this be? Surely you see the logic, you see what I am offering you?!”

“I see the logic. But I cannot do it. My duty is to the world.”

“You’re a fool Avatar! I thought that this reincarnation was finally one enlightened enough to see it!”

Aang’s voice was deceptively calm as he grasped for any other solution. “Is there any other way? What else could I do for you to restore Katara’s memories?”

“Nothing.” Koh spat definitively, “There is nothing. I cannot otherwise be bothered with your woman’s pitiful incompleteness.”

“You want memories. Take mine instead! Take them in exchange for hers.” Aang’s voice pled, but his face remained neutral, his eyes glazed, no longer focusing on the Spirit.

“I don’t _have_ hers, as I’ve so painstakingly explained to you already. I only get to feast on the memories of those whose faces I consume.” The impatience in Koh’s voice made him feel even more dangerous.

“Then we are done here.” Aang said, all the hope having dropped from his heart. “Then there is nothing more to be said.”

And with that the Avatar sat back into lotus position and brought his fist together.

 _I’m sorry Katara_ , he thought as he closed his eyes and left Koh and the Spirit World behind. _I’ve failed you._

_Again._

…………….


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it! *big sigh* The last chapter! (and it’s a long one!) Endings are tough for me. So I worked and reworked this chapter A LOT. I hope it hits somewhere near the mark I’m shooting for… But alas, whether I it does or doesn’t – here’s what I’ve got. I hope you enjoy it!

…………….

The day Aang and Katara had gotten married a terrible blizzard had blown into the South Pole. When the two were excused from the festivities to “ _Go enter their dwelling”_ it had been a near miracle that they could even find their way to their newly erected igloo on the outskirts of the growing town.

They had held hands to stay together in the white invisibility of the snowstorm, each bending with one hand to open a path towards their new home. Despite their bending, by the time the two had crawled into the igloo, they were both soaking wet. They lay on the floor in the dark for a moment, laughing and resting before Aang removed his glove and opened a palm-full of fire.

It was the first time Aang had set foot in their new home, as tradition did not allow the groom access to the home until he had ‘full access to his wife’. Aang blushed at the thought, and added a little more chi to his fire so he could look around the dwelling.

Katara and Gran Gran had spent a good part of the last two weeks “nesting”, making the place a home for the newly established family. And Aang was impressed with what they had done. Despite being just one room, the home felt plenty large enough for the two of them (especially given that they were eager to be close). The walls, despite being made of ice, were covered with tapestries and blankets, some of which they had made themselves, others that had been made as gifts for the new couple. Along one side was a large wooden crate full of dry firewood and a collection of baskets that held all of what they should need for the next three days: utensils for eating and cooking, food stuffs, a cruse of oil for the lamps, personal belongings, even spare bedding. Hanging from the ceiling in different “corners” were three beaded lamps that Aang recognized as those Gran Gran had helped him learn to bead himself.

Aang knelt up on his knees to lite those lamps now, the flicker they created on the walls making the room appear warm and intimate.

Everywhere Aang looked he could see the thumbprint of people who loved them: the wall and floor coverings made by members of the Tribe; the double-sized sleeping bag a gift from Katara’s dad; the pillows gifts from Sokka and Suki; an elaborate bronze brazier and stand for the fire (the fine craftsmanship admittedly a bit out of place for this cozy little ice home) a gift from Zuko; and placed on a shelf sticking out of the wall was a gift Iroh and Toph had worked together to give them: a delicate painted porcelain teapot from Iroh with a metal-bent stand for the pot and its two teacups made by Toph.

Aang had never had a home like this. He had had plenty of places he’d stayed, lots of places he’d lived, and a few places he had considered home in some capacity or another. But not like this one -- one that had been built specifically for him and for his _wife_ (the thought that he now had a wife still sending flutters through his stomach!). This was a place to build his family, as though the world had carved out a new space, elbowing way for them because they were important enough to make place for. As a Nomad, Aang had never placed much importance on a physical home, but seeing this place, with evidence in every corner of the love of his friends, his village, his tribe, a solid feeling of _belonging_ brought a lump to this throat.

Family. This was the start of his family. He had never felt that he grew up lacking anything. But now he knew better. Enlightenment surely could not be better than family.

Iroh had once advised Aang to choose love over power. And he knew himself well enough to know that he would make that choice again and again.

Southern Water Tribe tradition left the newly married couple alone for three days.

Usually Aang would have gone a little stir crazy indoors for that long, but he found himself _more_ than happy to stay in with his wife (inactivity having not proven to be a problem -- he was certainly getting plenty of exercise). The solitude together was the best gift anyone could have given to the new husband and wife.

“Aang, you and I, we’re One now you know.” Katara said at one point, the two of them lying spooned together in the warmth of their new bed, the light from a single lamp flickering intimately. 

“Um-huh,” Aang hummed contentedly in her ear as he nuzzled into the nape of her bare back, pulling her flush towards him. “And its awe- _some_!” he added with a drowsy smile.

Katara reached around to pinch him in the side, making him squirm. “No really, Aang! Not just _that_.” She blushed despite the agreeing smirk she couldn’t hold back. “But now that we are married. In the Water Tribe that means we are One, two parts of one whole. Our energies, _our souls_ , are now connected. We’ll never be completely whole again unless we are together.”

Aang sighed in full agreement as he listened to her voice.

Katara pulled away from him momentarily so she could turn over to face him, framing his face with her hand. Aang opened his drowsy eyes to see that Katara’s eyes were wide and bright with significance.

“As we were decorating this place, Gran Gran told me that a lasting marriage is built on three things: Forgiveness, Loyalty and Hope. Forgiveness for mistakes we must then leave in the past, fierce loyalty in the present, and always a hope for a bright future together.”

Aang pulled Katara closer to him, so that her head lay warmly on his chest. “Yeah. I like that. _Forgiveness, Loyalty, Hope_. Yeah. That’s how we’ll do it,” he mumbled as he closed his eyes to enter the best sleep of his life.

………………

Aang could still hear the clicking of Koh’s many feet when he awoke. Opening his eyes the first thing he saw was her face, her beautiful face close to his, her shining blue eyes looking intently at him.

But he didn’t like the panic he saw in those eyes.

“Katara?”

She let out an audible gasp. Katara was kneeling on the ground in front of him, her face pale and her eyes full of worry. “Aang! You’re back?! Oh spirits, what happened to you!?” Katara sat back on her heels. “When I woke up you were here on the floor, _glowing_! When I talked to you, you wouldn’t respond. I was so worried!” Her hand covered her mouth as if to hold back a sob.

Aang reminded himself that despite Katara having seen him meditate into the Spirit World many times in the past, she wouldn’t remember any of that. She wouldn’t have known what was going on. “I’m sorry I scared you, Katara.” He said gently.

Aang reached out a hand to comfort her but he stopped himself, knowing he didn’t deserve to touch her. He had failed her.

Katara’s hand still covered her mouth. Finally she brought her hand down and reproached him sharply, “You were like that for a whole day!” Katara’s eyes darted anxiously around the room before returning to his. “I didn’t know if you would… I was worried I’d lost…”

He noticed that she was breathing hard, her skin clammy. “Katara? Are you okay?” With a sinking feeling in his gut Aang’s eyes glanced at the window where she had stood when her emotions were so frighteningly unhinged. “When I left you, you had passed out. You were sick…”

Aang could see that she was still paler than she ought to be. But her eyes were lucid and she was upright. And as far as he could see she was no longer delirious.

“I spent the night battling intense dreams,” Katara said closing her eyes and giving her head a shake as if to ward off the images anew. She paused before starting again, waving her hand absently toward the bed. “Then I woke up yesterday afternoon, my clothes soaking. I must have had a fever… and finally sweat it out.” Katara ran the back of her hand tiredly over her forehead. “My headache was gone. But I remembered… what had happened. All those things you told me…” Katara’s brows crinkled in sorrow and worry. “And what I had asked you to do. To get my memories back. Then I saw you there, glowing.”

Katara looked at him warily, as though he was still glowing, her voice trembling with apprehension. “I was so worried… so afraid that you had gone to the Spirits…” her hand covered her mouth again, “that you had sold your soul to that Face Stealer…”

Aang looked at her sadly. “I would have,” he admitted. “To get your memories back. But my soul has never been mine to give.” His heart sank as he continued. “But if it was... I would have given it freely for you, Katara.”

Katara placed both her hands on the floor in front of her and leaned on them heavily as if to steady herself. She dropped her head forward, a great sigh of relief sounding from her. “Well thank Tui and La that you didn’t!”

Aang couldn’t help himself, he reached out his hand and tucked a stray hair behind her ear. “I’m sorry, Katara. I failed you. Again. I couldn’t get your memories back for you.” His voice was soft, nearly a whisper, every word dripping with regret and sadness.

Katara lifted her head and looked at him then, her eyes intense as she processed this information.

Then she got to her feet, and stood looking at nothing. “That’s it then… my memories, they’re… gone forever…” Her voice sounded stunned more than anything.

Aang got to his feet as well, noticing as he did so that his leg didn’t hurt anymore. Looking down he could see that the burn on his calf was gone. Katara must have healed him while he was in the Spirit World.

Aang took a cautious step toward Katara, noticing with worry the way she stared into nothing. “Katara? Are you okay?” he asked, taking her hand.

Her eyes focused on his then, her chin trembling a little. “I had just been hoping…” a tear trailed lonesomely down her cheek, “that you would get my memories back for me. So that I could… be _me_ again.”

Aang reached out and wiped her tear away with his thumb, his heart aching painfully. “I wanted that too.”

Katara then walked forward into Aang, wrapping her arms around him tightly as she cried into his chest.

Confusion swirled in Aang’s head as he held her tightly. _He_ was the one that had done this to her. And yet here she was, in _his_ arms. He couldn’t quite understand.

He didn’t understand, but he held her anyway. Giving and taking whatever shards of comfort there were to be found.

“Aang?”

“Yeah?”

“You say that we were married, right?”

Aang swallowed hard. “Yes.”

“Were we… happy?”

Aang’s vision blurred, his throat tight as he answered. “Yeah. Yeah, we were.”

Katara pulled back from his chest far enough to look up at him, her blue eyes roaming over his face like she could read something there if only she looked hard enough. “Then maybe we could try… being together… again?”

Aang wondered how torture could feel so much like heaven.

Aang stepped away from her, pulling her arms off of him, all the while feeling like it might kill him to do so. He wanted to stay in her arms forever.

But he wasn’t safe. He couldn’t let himself pretend. “But I’m broken, Katara.”

Katara looked to the side, her eyebrows scrunched forlornly. “Looks like that makes two of us…”

“No.” His voice was sharper than he wanted it to be. “You don’t understand. I’m dangerous! I hurt you.” Aang’s eyes filled with tears again. “And I killed our baby girl...” Aang saw his pain at these words reflected in Katara’s face, he saw how her hands jumped to her abdomen again, the flatness under her fingers testament to the truth of his words. Aang covered his eyes with his hand as his shoulders began to shake, his words flowing out along with his tears. “It was all my fault. I killed her. It was me… it was all my fault. And now she’s…”

As the words poured out Aang could feel a dam inside himself break, releasing all the grief, all the pain and anguish he had felt for what he’d done, for what was lost. He couldn’t breath as the sorrow overwhelmed him. He was sure he would drown in it.

Aang felt the monster inside himself wake in terrifying response.

Fear spiked within him and Aang grabbed frantically at his head in alarm. _Oh please! Not here, not now! Not with_ HER _here!_

Despite his panic to stop it, the air in the room began to whirl, the temperature dropping dramatically, causing ice to spider up the walls like veins, their breaths coming out in icy puffs. Fear strangled Aang’s heart as the monster surged. _Oh please, not now!_

Aang fell to his knees, eyes pressed shut tightly and his body shaking. “I can’t! Katara please! Get away from me!” His pain had wakened the monster and now all he could feel was fear. Fear that he would hurt her again! He could only hope that she would run, that she would get away before he lost control. The ground cracked beneath him.

As he struggled, Aang was completely unprepared for the warm body that wrapped itself around him fiercely then, holding onto him like she was strong enough to hold the whole universe together.

Maybe she was.

Katara had dropped to the ground in front of him and wrapped her arms around him as he shook, her hand holding tightly to the back of his head, the other clutching the fabric around his back as he battled to regain control. The air swirled, but Katara didn’t let go. The floor lurched. Her arms tightened. Aang cried out in his struggle. But her warmth stayed, and he latched onto it like a last breath before an endless plunge.

_She is here. She is alive. He hadn’t killed her._

Aang’s mind grasped desperately onto the thoughts. They were true. She _is_ here. He _hadn’t_ killed her. No matter what else had been lost, Katara was alive and she was here with him now!

With a final cry the elements calmed and Aang’s body crumpled onto Katara. Her strength the only thing that held him up as the two of them knelt on the floor.

“Aang? Aang!” Katara’s voice rang in his ear, her breathing hard. “Sweetie, are you okay?”

Aang tried to lift his head off her shoulder, but it fell back onto her as exhaustion and relief hit him like a wave. “Katara…” Aang felt her hand return to the back of his neck, holding him to her protectively.

“Katara, don’t you see?” Aang said, sad resignation settling in his gut like a cold weight of defeat, pulling him down. “I’m not safe. That’s why I can’t be with you…” 

With her cheek pressed against his head, Aang could feel Katara’s jaw set furiously. Then she lifted Aang’s body off of her, pushing him backward onto his own knees with an angry shove.

“How dare you?” she spat through grit teeth. “How dare you think that _that_ is a good enough reason for me to leave you?!” Katara’s eyes were flames.

Aang’s grey eyes opened wide in surprise.

Her gaze still ablaze, Katara’s voice caught in hurt when she said, “And how _dare_ you think it was a good enough reason to leave me?”

She then rose from her knees and turned her back on him. Aang sat back stunned as he watched her walk tersely to the western window, her arms crossed protectively in front of her as she looked out the newly barred window.

Aang’s eyebrows rose in apology as he spoke to her back. “Katara! How can you mean that? You saw… you saw me just now – I was about to lose control completely. I could have hurt you!”

Katara turned her body partially toward him so she could glare at him out of the corner of her eye. “You did hurt me, Aang. When you decided that I was expendable in your life.”

Aang scrambled to his feet. “I never thought that!”

“No?” Katara turned back toward the window. “Then how could you leave me?”

“I didn’t. Not really. Not in my heart.” Aang’s voice caught as he tried to continue, trying so hard to explain! “I know that sounds like an excuse, but it’s true! My heart was with you every single day, _aching_ for you. Everyday only wishing for you to be happy, to be safe.”

Katara’s weight shifted as she continued to stare out the window. Without realizing it Aang began to walk towards her.

“When we were younger, Appa was stolen… and it was agony. I thought I would never be able to move on. But I did, sort of; I learned to cope, even if not gracefully. But losing you, Katara? I never learned to move forward. I couldn’t. I was still alive, but I wasn’t living. Not without you.”

Katara slowly turned her ear towards him, the stiff set of her shoulders softening a little. Aang could see her watching him cautiously from the side.

“Fear of losing you has always been my biggest obstacle, Katara. Always. Even back when I was here as a child, learning with a Guru how to gain control of my Avatar powers. I feared more than anything loosing you. So then when it happened, when I hurt you, when I had to leave you. I lost myself too.”

By now Aang had reached the window and stood facing her. Katara still eyed him cautiously, her arms still crossed, her brow calculating as she listened.

“Somehow I thought that my misery would all be worth it if only you were safe, if only you were happy!”

Aang reached out his hand, touching her elbow, turning her to face him.

“Because I love you, Katara.”

Katara looked at him for a long, suspended moment. Before she sighed, and turned her hurt eyes back to the window.

“I don’t remember you.”

The words hurt him, but he nodded in understanding. He knew that. His heart contracted in knowing acceptance.

Katara’s eyes shut tightly for a moment. Then turning towards him, her blue eyes opened and locked with his -- wide and open and hopeful.

“I don’t remember you, Aang… but I love you, too.”

They were words they had spoken to one another hundreds, probably thousands of times. But the thrill those words sent through Aang’s heart at this moment felt like the first time they’d ever been said.

Katara continued, “I can’t change that I don’t remember what happened between us.” Katara sighed deeply. “But I know who you are now, and I know what I feel deep inside. And I love you.”

Aang swallowed past the lump in his throat, his next words barely audible. “You know I’m not safe to love.”

“When is it ever safe to love?!” Katara’s voice was passionate in her reproof. “Loving is one of the most dangerous and vulnerable things we ever choose to do! But without it, without love, life is just empty. No more than waking and eating and growing old and someday dying. Love is what makes life worth living!”

For the past three years Aang had been doing just that: waking and eating and growing older and dying every day without her. But, despite how much he wanted her, he made one last feeble attempt at reason. “But what if I lose control again?”

“What if you do?!” Katara’s gaze bore a hole in him. “We can’t let fear rule our future. And you don’t get to choose for _me_ what risks _I_ take.”

Katara took Aang’s hand then and stepped closer to him, tipping her face up towards his, her eyes penetrating.

“And I choose you.”

Aang closed the distance between their lips in a heartbeat, holding both sides of her face and kissing Katara with all his pent-up longing. And she kissed him back, her passion meeting his, the two losing themselves in each other.

Time and space disappeared as Katara and Aang became the only two people in the universe. 

Breathing hard, Katara finally broke the kiss and rested her forehead against his.

“ _Oh Katara_ ,” Aang breathed out her name, nuzzling into her, the magnitude of his feelings far more than he could even begin to express.

Gently Katara pulled back, so that she could study his face. “Aang… even though I can’t remember… I just feel we belong together.”

“It won’t be simple—“

“I know. I’m not asking for simple. There is still so much to say… so much to give and forgive.”

“Can you...?” Aang’s heart felt a lurch imagining that she could ever forgive him.

“Not just me.” Katara answered. “You’ll have to learn to forgive yourself, Aang.” Aang leaned his head into hers once more, wondering if he could ever do that.

Katara pulled his head back a few inches so that she could pin him with her penetrating blue eyes. “I can’t explain it, Aang, but I can feel that we are connected, you and I; we are two parts of the same whole.” Aang felt the echo in her words of truths she had spoken to him before:

 _‘In the Water Tribe that means we are One, two parts of one whole. Our energies,_ our souls _, are now connected.’_

Our souls… Our energies.

A memory that wasn’t Aang’s own flashed before him: a firebender and a whip, Appa locked in a cage. ‘ _Appa and I, our energies are… connected.’_

Why had Aang been able to see Appa’s memories that day? Come to think of it, this had even happened before, in the swamp with the help of the Banyan Grove Tree.

Aang’s heart began to race as truth began to align itself within him.

Koh’s words resonated within Aang’s thoughts, taking on new meaning: _‘_ _I removed nothing – the memories were lost within her own damaged soul all along!... for what is identity after all, but the accumulation of experiences stored up in the energies of a soul as_ memories _?’_

Aang looked back to Katara then, his eyes dark and intense - the wisdom of an ancient soul looking at her. “You’re right. We are connected.”

Aang brought his left hand and put it high on Katara’s chest, his thumb carefully placed in the center of her breastbone. Then he pulled her head towards him, his right hand resting on the back of her head, their foreheads touching. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

Brilliant blue beams burst from him.

And then from her.

The rays washed over their bodies like liquid light as the shine engulfed them and the entire room.

………….

At first the sensation was disorienting, as though their souls were being turned inside out. It was not painful, per se, the sensation more like opening one’s insides up, leaving nothing hidden, removing all barriers to expose the Self in utter vulnerability. The two of them joining so openly it was as if they were challenging the concepts of Self entirely. The wide expanse of universe that surrounded them was less of a place, and more of a… state of being.

Aang had been here before, done this once before. But everything about it felt different this time. There was no fight, no battling of wills struggling for dominion; No walking through the twisted mind of a madman.

Aang had only bent the energy of another soul once before, and it had not been a power he was anxious to tamper with again. At that time, twelve-year-old Aang had waded through vile images and desires that did not belong to him, ambitions that sought only for power and delighted in domination and the pain of others. It had been as though Aang _was_ Ozai, their souls inseparable for a time. And Ozai’s evil had nearly overcome him.

But this was different. Once again his soul melded with another, the two becoming hardly distinguishable from one another, but this time, Aang felt not a battle, but a surge of common intent. Katara’s soul felt incorruptible, and her strength joined to his soul, healing his brokenness, her blue light spreading through his own, filling the spaces where he lacked, filling him with a peace, a _wholeness_ , that he had never felt so completely before.

Aang had thought that his highest wish was to return to how things had been _before_ \-- before the tragedy that had severed Katara from his life. But now he knew that there was _more_ to be had. That they could be stronger now, fuller, even more complete. There was no turning back, but forward together could be even more potent, more ample. A surge of light seemed to burst through them with additional power.

It took some time for their energies to take shape beyond just light and sensation. Katara’s body appeared, stepping from the light as though cracking out of an invisible shell, her body glowing with a light of its own. Aang knew he was not really seeing her; their minds were simply creating a visual representation to help them make sense of what was happening. So he gave his soul shape as well, walking from the light in a body like the one he’d left behind in the Eastern Air Temple.

“Katara,” he spoke her name, but not with his mouth, the sound vibrating like light, resonant and ethereal.

“Aang,” she answered, her mouth not moving, speaking instead directly to his mind. “Where are we? Are we in the Spirit World?”

Aang looked around at the endless breadth of stars that filled his view. “No,” his mind answered, “this is not the Spirit World. This is the expanse that is within our souls.”

“Why are we here?” her eyes spoke.

Aang took her hand. “Come.”

Aang’s tattoos and eyes flashed white. Then the two felt a great vibration as though they had been standing inside a giant cast-iron bell as it was struck with a mallet. And with the sound the two dropped.

Abruptly they splashed into an endless ocean, suspending them in a liquid that was neither wet, nor cold, nor stole their breath away. It shimmered all around them like moonlight on water. Katara looked all around, her hair floating up weightlessly around her body. She startled, her hand tightening in Aang’s, as images appeared and disappeared within the endless sea.

Aang looked her way and smiled reassuringly, his heart speaking to hers, “Don’t be afraid.”

As they looked forward again an image resolved within the shimmering water in front of them. Katara could see herself, submerged in the Oasis at the North Pole. She was just opening her eyes. Aang was there too, a short shock of dark hair on his head and a look of utter desolation in his eyes.

Aang’s voice vibrated, “Koh taught me that memories are our experiences stored up in the energies of our souls.”

The image shimmered out of focus as another shimmered into focus on their left. They turned to see Aang kneeling in front of Katara, kissing her large cocoa colored belly that held their child; she laughed out loud. Katara could feel the laugh within her own chest as well as a surge of joy as the image disappeared.

To their right another image came. Flying. The two looked younger as they shared Aang’s glider and soared through the air. Katara could feel the swoop and fall in her stomach as Aang’s laughter echoed in her mind.

Image after image passed all around them – their little home in Republic City; an anniversary on Ember Island; hours healing a burned and broken boy; the Blanket Ceremony that officially knit their lives as one. Katara smelled jasmine tea, her heart leaping as she kissed Aang on Iroh’s teashop balcony, the sky ablaze in orange behind them. Image, after image, after image. Katara could feel her emotions spike and calm and twist with each new visage. A flash of anger as the two disagreed heatedly; a pervasive peace as they passed a stream of water back and forth; sorrow as they held one another after another failed month with no baby; simple joy as they laughed over a bowl of noodles.

The memories swirled on and on, each tugging sharply at Katara’s emotions and sensations, even though she witnessed them as an outsider, as though they belonged to someone else.

Katara gasped as she relived in a flashing moment the first time they made love, the night of their wedding in the South Pole. Then the second time. And the third. And countless times after that of sharing and showing love, of giving themselves to one another wholly and completely.

Katara breathed hard in shock. No wonder her life had felt so hollow. When now, it felt like it would burst at the seams!

Another image appeared: a whirlwind, with a glowing, menacing Aang floating in the midst of it. Katara felt her heart hammer in her chest, a surge of empathy, an insatiable need to get to him consuming her. Katara felt Aang’s hand clench hers next to her; she turned her head to see abject terror on his face as he stared wide-eyed and panicked at the scene. She turned back to the image in time to witness the boulder flying towards her. She could feel her arms lift in sudden alarm to protect herself; she felt in her gut the spike of absolute surprise and disbelief right before the image turned to stark blackness.

For what felt like eternity, they relived each moment. The time seeming to last a lifetime and yet, when it was over, it felt no longer than a blink. The images stopped, leaving her breathless and stunned.

She had seen. She had felt. But the memories still felt like someone else’s.

Aang’s eyebrows drew together in concentration. She felt him speak to her, his words resonating in her chest. “Koh said he had to work carefully to heal the damage in your soul, to open the pathways.” Aang looked around at their unreal surroundings. “That realigning energies is a delicate procedure… Let me see if I can…”

Katara felt a tug on her hand as Aang pulled her after him, the two swimming upward.

Until their heads burst from the ocean, the bright sunshine of the South Pole sea causing Katara to put a hand over her eyes. “Aang,” Katara thought, “What is happening now?”

Aang pulled himself onto an ice ledge connected to a gigantic round iceberg. He turned and pulled Katara out of the water and onto the ledge with him. “I’m… working it out now.” Aang’s echoing words replied to her. “Now you’ve seen… but they’re still not yours. It’s not complete…”

Katara stepped back a pace to look at the giant round iceball before her. Katara had never seen ice form naturally like this. She put her hand on the cold ball, looking closer at it. The great iceberg appeared to have space inside, but it was empty, nothing but dark within. Aang stood facing the sphere, one arrowed hand touching its icy curve. She watched his back as he stood contemplating. At long last he turned his shining grey eyes toward her.

“Koh was right,” he mind-spoke to her, his voice reverberating. “Your memories are still within you, just locked away.” Then Aang held up a club; Katara recognized it as Sokka’s old club, the one with the sphere at the end. _Where had it come from?_

Katara took the club from Aang, its weight feeling surprisingly substantial. She looked to Aang, her eyebrows rising in question.

“I need to… realign some things.” Aang said. Then he turned back towards the iceberg, both hands pushing against it. A blinding light flashed from his tattoos. And then he walked forward, right through the ice and into the space within it.

For a moment Katara stood surprised, the weight of her bother’s club heavy in her hands. As she waited, worry began to niggle at her. _Where had Aang gone? Why had he left her?_ She knew she was in the South Pole, but she didn’t know this place. She turned, looking all around her; there was nothing but vast icy ocean as far as she could see. She shivered, as though feeling the cold for the first time. She turned back towards the iceberg, panic growing in her stomach. _Where was Aang? Did he mean to leave her alone? Would he come back?!_

Suddenly the iceberg illuminated with a blinding blue-white light, the whole roundness lighting up like a lantern. Katara shaded her eyes with her hand. She noticed she was wearing a mitten. And her old winter parka, the hood pulled up over her hair-loops.

As she looked more closely at the light, she could see a figure within the iceberg – it was a boy sitting cross-legged and suspended within the ball, glowing arrow tattoos on his face and hands shining brilliantly. She gasped as his eyes opened with the same supernatural white glow.

Without thinking Katara lifted the club and began to strike the iceberg with great chopping blows. Once, Twice, Three times. On the fourth strike the ice cracked and she was blown backward, an incredible light beam erupting from the ice with a burst of air that blew her backward.

Katara looked up to see the boy stand glowing on the edge of the ice-crater, before the light darkened from his eyes and tattoos and he fell. On reflex Katara leapt forward, softening the boy’s fall as he landed in her arms.

She looked at his face, his eyelids closed as she cradled him from the snow. She noted the large blue arrow on his forehead, his soft child-like cheeks. He made a sound and his eyes blinked open. When his grey eyes locked onto hers she inhaled sharply.

“Aang!”

She knew him.

Not the way she had become acquainted with Aang over the past month, but really _knew_ him.

She recognized his soul.

And in an instant everything snapped into place; Katara gasped like she had fallen backward into an icy pool of thousands, hundreds of thousands, of memories. The remembrances whipping suddenly into place, like a great fallen glass chandelier un-shattering from the floor in reverse, reattaching itself in intricate, illuminated detail to the ceiling in a blink of an eye. In an instant Katara re-experienced everything she had just witnessed in the shimmering ethereal ocean below, only this time the memories were hers!

She remembered.

She remembered it all.

……………..

When the brilliant blue light dissipated – when Katara’s soul finally felt like it had turned itself ‘right-side-out’ again – she found that her body was quite abruptly drained of strength. With an exhausted exhale she felt her body slip towards the floor. Aang caught hold of her just as she was falling, and eased them both down to the ground.

Katara’s shoulder leaned tiredly against the windowsill as she breathed heavily for a few moments, trying more than anything just to reorient herself to physical reality – lungs that breathe air, a body that requires effort to stay upright, thoughts that were only her own again.

But when she finally opened her eyes and looked at the man sitting in front of her, her whole body startled, an audible gasp escaping her lungs. “Aang!”

Katara had spent quite a bit of time getting acquainted with Aang over the last month. In her naïve interest something had drawn her to him. She had found in Aang a friend, a crush, an ally, someone she trusted and admired; she had found in Aang someone noble and fun and kind and brave -- someone that made her inexplicably happy. More than once she had looked into Aang’s eyes and thought she’d seen something… _more_. More than an attractive man, more than just the Avatar, more even than someone she knew she had fallen in love with.

And now she _did_ see more. She saw everything! These were eyes she had spent half her life looking into, the eyes of her closest friend and the person she loved with all her heart. It was disorienting to look at him now for the first time with new (old?) eyes and _know_ him. It was Aang: the boy-turned-man that she knew almost better than she knew herself.

Now when she spoke his name she did so with complete remembrance.

“Aang! It’s you!” Both of Katara’s hands covered her mouth in shock. “I remember!”

Aang laughed once through glistening tears in his eyes and nodded his head in understanding.

Shocked Katara spoke, “You… you brought them back. You brought all my memories back!”

“Koh told me that there were many facets to soulbending; that what I had done with Ozai had only scratched the surface of its capabilities...”

Katara looked wide-eyed at Aang, still reveling in what it felt like to know him again. “You’ve done it, Aang. You’ve made me whole again!”

Aang looked at her, his eyes deep with meaning. “You’ve helped me too. When our souls combined, your soul – well, I can’t explain it totally – but it helped to… heal mine.” Aang looked at her admiringly, “You have an incorruptible soul, Katara.”

“Healed your soul? What does that mean?”

“I’m not exactly sure.”

“Will you still have trouble with… control? Of the Avatar Spirit?”

Aang’s brow furrowed. “I don’t know. Maybe. The power of the Avatar is still something I will always have within me, and there is no guarantee I won’t ever lose control of it again. But right now, it feels… I don’t know how to explain it, but I don’t feel so much fear… I don’t feel the power struggling within me… like the conflict is… lessened now.” Aang struggled to find the right words to describe it, “It’s not so much that I feel _in control_ … but as though control is no longer the goal.”

Aang put his hand on his chest as though he could feel the Spirit within, his eyes wide and shining. “It just feels like my Avatar Spirit and I are undivided again. The way we’re meant to be.”

Aang brought his hand up to cup the side of Katara’s face as he said gratefully, “And you helped that happen, Katara. Thank you.”

Katara leaned into his hand. She could feel Aang’s thumb run over the scar on her cheek, pain darkening his eyes as his fingers traced the scar back into her hairline. Carefully he leaned in close to her and turned her face so that he could press his lips to the scar on her cheek, following it back up to her ear, whispering with each kiss how sorry he was. Katara’s full lips parted, her eyelids sliding closed as she let him. Until with a shiver she pulled back to look at him.

“Aang… I know you didn’t mean to,” she said softly. Then another thought came back to her with breath-stealing clarity. “Oh Aang!” Katara touched his face tenderly, her chin quivering in grief. “Our baby…”

Aang dropped his hand from her face. At first unable to find his voice, Aang merely nodded, the pain in his expression profound. Eventually he managed to whisper, “I’m so sorry, Katara.”

“Me too.” Her hand found the empty place at her middle where their child had once grown. “You say she was a… a girl?” Katara asked. “I always thought she would be a girl…”

Aang nodded again.

“Kya then,” Katara said through her tears. “Then she would have been Kya.”

Again Aang nodded tightly, his pain obvious.

Katara didn’t know if she could process right now what it meant to her to lose the baby who would have shared her mother’s name.

Katara didn’t know who leaned in first, maybe it had been a mutual gravitational pull towards one another, but without conscious thought Aang and Katara ended up in a tight embrace; both sharing their pain and offering whatever comfort they could muster. They held one another together as they both fell apart in their grief. This was new pain for Katara, a tragedy just remembered. She couldn’t imagine how Aang had managed to mourn this burden alone for the past three years.

Aang spoke, his voice strangled. “I never got to see her… they didn’t let me… I didn’t get to see you... I wasn’t... safe...”

“Oh Aang,” Katara held the back of his neck with her hand, pulling him tighter to her in their shared grief. “Oh Sweetie. I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how awful that was for you.”

Aang pulled back from her embrace and looked at her in disbelief, as though he could not fathom how she would have a scrap of empathy for _him_.

“Sweetie,” Katara went on, speaking through the tears that gathered in her eyes. “I know you didn’t mean to.” The tears began to fall again from her eyes. “I’m as heartbroken” her voice cracked on the word, “as you are. But I know it was an accident. You weren’t in control. You never meant any of it to happen.”

“It’s more than that, Katara. I should never have left you in the tent! When we were attacked. I left to protect Zuko. And I left you alone… carrying our baby…”

“That was not your fault, Aang.”

“It was! I shouldn’t have even let you come! At the very least I should have stayed by your side!”

“No, Aang. No!” Katara’s voice was firm. “Sometimes bad things happen, but you are NOT responsible for preventing every single one of them!” Katara’s lip curled in anger. “It was _them_! Those Omashu traitors. As far as I’m concerned they killed our baby. Not you.”

“But it was me who—“

“Stop it, Aang! Stop it! Stop acting like you ought to have some sort of omnipotent control! You don’t! You don’t. None of us do.”

Aang’s eyes were wide and dark, a millions emotions swimming in their depths, but he said nothing as she continued.

“Sometimes tragedies happen. And no one can change it; not even the ‘Almighty Avatar’,” Katara said forcefully. “We got attacked. I got hurt. You lost control. These are all things you didn’t choose.”

Katara’s voice softened as she put her hand on Aang’s shoulder. “ ‘All you really have control over is how you choose to let what happens shape your future.’” Katara smiled softly and asked, “You know who taught me that?”

Aang gave her a sober knowing look.

“You did.” She said, answering her own question.

Aang laughed derisively, “Easier said than put into practice, I suppose.”

Katara looked at Aang tenderly. “But you have done it before, Sweetie, and we can do it again. Together. Neither of us has control over what happened in the past. All we can control is what we choose now. And to believe in good things to come.”

“Forgiveness, Loyalty, Hope.” Aang said, quoting Gran Gran. “Forgiveness for mistakes we must then leave in the past, fierce loyalty in the present, and always a hope for a bright future together.”

Katara nodded, emotion thick in her throat as she pulled Aang towards her, resting their foreheads together. “Aang, this isn’t going to be easy. There is still so much for us to work through. Still so much to say and understand. Consequences that haven’t gone away. But I’m willing…” she closed her eyes and sighed. “I’m willing, if you are?”

Aang closed his eyes as he rested his forehead against hers. “Katara… I’ve missed you so much.” The words were small, but the depth of emotion behind them was fathomless.

“I didn’t know it, not in concrete terms anyway, but I missed you too, Aang. Even with no memory of you, I knew my life was missing something vital. We’ve been apart already for too long. Already lost so much time…” Katara brought her lips to Aang’s. “Lets not lose any more time. Starting now, you and I, we’re One again.”

…………..

They were almost finished packing up to leave the Eastern Air Temple. Katara walked toward Aang and lifted the last supplies up to him as he airbended them from her hands and up to where he stood in the saddle on Appa’s back. Aang smiled at her as he squatted down and began tying them securely under the tarp.

“Hey Katara!” Aang called with a smirk, “What did the lazy firebender do instead of hot-squats?”

Katara groaned in good-natured exasperation. “Aang! Seriously, I remember all the punch lines now.”

“Come on, Katara! I’m just checking that _all_ your memories are back.” Aang said with a playful wink.

Katara sighed and answered with a long-suffering smirk. “Instead of hot-squats he did diddly-squats.”

Despite it being his own joke, and a pretty lame one at that, Aang laughed.

“You’ve been telling that same joke since you were twelve, Aang! And, by the way, no matter how many times you try, you have _never_ gotten Zuko to laugh at it.”

“But every time I tell it, and he doesn’t laugh, it makes _me_ laugh.” Aang said cheekily. “It’s worth it just to see the tortured look on his face every single time.”

Katara laughed and shook her head as she walked towards Appa’s head to look down over the edge of the courtyard. Appa bumped her fondly with his head; she smiled and scratched behind his ear. “Thanks, Appa.” She said to the bison, “It’s good to BE back.” Appa lowed and nuzzled into her hand in appreciative affection.

Aang walked up beside her. “What are you looking at?”

Katara tisked, “You really let our garden go to pot, Aang... look at it down there! What a mess.”

Aang let out a mirthless laugh. “It’s not exactly the messiest part of our life to clean up, you know.”

Katara looked at him knowingly, but chose to keep things lighthearted. “Agreed. I mean really, Aang, your waterbending has gone to pot too! We definitely will need to work on that.”

Aang chuckled in his throat. Then turning a suggestively raised eyebrow on her, “I guess I’ll need you to whip me into shape again, eh, Katara?” 

Katara smiled coyly at him and bumped him with her shoulder. “You need a good whipping.”

Aang’s smile grew. “Come on Katara, WATER you waiting for?”

“Oh Aang,” Katara dropped her head in her hand as though she were enduring torture. “You really need to get some new jokes.”

“Had you laughing two days ago.”

“Well congratulations, Avatar, you took advantage of a fractured mind to get someone to laugh at your dumb jokes,” she teased.

“But you _did_ laugh,” Aang gloated undeterred.

Despite the way Katara rolled her eyes, it was obviously done with unmistakable affection.

Aang’s smile lingered for another moment before it slowly slipped from his face, his eyes becoming dark and sober. “I still can’t believe this is real,” Aang said with a catch in his voice as he looked out over the mountains. “After everything… I don’t deserve you, Katara.”

A swell of emotion filled her as Katara reached out and linked her pinkie with Aang’s. She remembered now what this meant between them: _I’m here. You’re not alone. We can do this_. He looked down at their hands, his expression thick.

“I need you, Katara,” Aang spoke huskily. “I feel so selfish to admit it, but I just can’t do life without you anymore.”

Katara took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I know. Me either. I’m just still working on not being angry that you tried.”

Aang turned to her imploringly, “Katara, I never would have—“

“I know,” She cut him off quickly. “I know why you did it. And I also know you aren’t _all_ at fault.” Katara’s jaw tightened.

Aang rubbed the back of his neck, clearly aware of where her thoughts were directed. After a moment Aang cleared his throat cautiously he motioned towards Appa and their packed belongings. “Well we need to be getting back to Ba Sing Se. Sokka and your dad will be so worried.”

Katara crossed her arms indignantly. “As far as I’m concerned they can stay that way.” She said angrily.

Aang stepped up behind her and put his hands on her stiff shoulders supportively, massaging gently. Then choosing his words carefully he said, “I know you’re angry with them, Sweetie. But I hope you can, you know, _try_ to forgive. Try to understand their motives. They both love you so much.” Aang wrapped his arms around her and laid his chin on her shoulder. “They just wanted to keep you safe.”

“Safe and in a prison,” she said bitterly. Katara knew that Aang wanted her to forgive her dad and brother. But right now that felt like an impossible task. She supposed only time would tell if those relationships could be repaired.

Aang sighed in understanding. He knew what she was feeling, and she knew that he would be lying if he said he wasn’t working through some forgiveness himself.

“But we need to be getting back anyway,” Aang said after some time. “I’ve got a little _legal_ issue I’ve got to work on.”

Katara turned her head over her shoulder to look at him. “What legal issue?”

Aang didn’t make eye contact, shame full on his face. “Well… as you know, I didn’t go with you to the South Pole when your dad took you back home. I agreed to stay away to give you a new start, to try to keep you safe. Your dad said that that fulfilled the Law of Abandonment. So that _legally_ , I’m not your husband anymore.”

Katara’s brow pulled low. “Oh yeah? Is that what he told you?” The anger in her voice could have sliced through a boulder.

Aang released her and stepped forward to stand next to her again, his eyes full of pain as he looked out at the horizon. “Yes. And I’d really like to… well I mean, if you’ll… have me…?” Aang looked at her pleadingly from under his sad brows. “I was hoping that you would, you know, marry me… again?”

The lack of surety in his voice broke Katara’s heart. Had their relationship really come to this point? When Aang could be so doubtful of her feelings? Looked like they had some work to do.

Katara lifted his chin to look him in the eyes, her voice full of empathy with a touch of reproof. “Aang, how could you even _think_ that I wouldn’t want that? We are One, Aang. And nothing is going to change that.” The relief in Aang’s fathomless eyes hurt.

“Nothing _has_ changed that, in fact.” Katara said, a bite back in her tone. “So I suppose that ‘the Chief’ forgot to mention that Abandonment is only legal as long as you don’t return, right? _And_ as long as I agree to it? But since no body _asked_ me…” Katara seethed. “then it’s not binding. Technically, my dad also fulfilled Abandonment when he went to fight in the war. But my Stewardship shifted back to him from Sokka when he came back into my life.”

“So what are you saying?” there was cautious hope in Aang’s face.

“What I’m saying is that you have returned, AND I accept you. So we’re still married.”

Aang blinked at her for a moment, as if he didn’t understand what she had said. Then he began to move in a flurry.

“Appa!” Aang called as he worked on releasing the saddle from his bison’s back and airbended it to the ground. “Change of plans!”

Then rushing back to Katara he grabbed her hand and pulled her after him toward the tower entrance, all the while talking to his sky bison. “Sorry Buddy, but something urgent came up. And we need uh… a few more hours…” Aang looked at Katara for approval, “days?” she laughed and nodded her agreement. “Days. Before we can leave.”

Then Aang pulled Katara into an urgent heated kiss, one that left her weak in the knees, before swooping her up, head spinning into his arms and kissing her again. When the kiss broke Katara laughed breathlessly at Aang’s complete lack of subtlety, her heart warming evermore for this wonderful man she had loved nearly all her life.

Aang began to carry her towards the tower, talking over his shoulder to Appa, “So you can go… do your thing. And we’ll, you know, do our thing… See you… when we see you, Buddy!” And with that Katara yelped as Aang put on a burst of speed and ran with her back towards their room.

Off to start their marriage, and their life together, anew.

……………..

THE END

(Or better yet: THE NEW BEGINNING)

……………..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has read all the way through this story! As always, I would love to hear from you in the comments (even if you are reading this years from now – it would make my day =) 
> 
> Take care!  
> -Amy

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I hope you are ready for this – it’s gonna be complicated and not-a-little angsty. I’ve got it all planned out. Let me know in the comments if you are interested to see more!


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